Friends Resent me for Self Actualizing, Finances, & everything?

[creator20]

I come from an affluent family & I am in a very comfortable monetary situation. My views on money are that it is not a hard thing to acquire & that I have the capability to go out & make money any time I'd like to. My friends resent me for this mindset & they attribute it to me being privileged growing up. I do not deny that my upbringing heavily shaped my views on money, but my issue isn't with them pointing out my monetary privilege, it's with them using my financial circumstances as a means to undermine every single accomplishment I make in my life. My friends have flat out told me that at times they let their jealousy get the best of them & that they do act in resentful ways toward me because of this jealousy, but I don't think I deserve this. They have even gone as far as to say that I only have the positive outlook that I have because I'm monetarily privileged & have never struggled in my life even though I have suffered from severe depression & anxiety. I spent countless hours every single day for months on end self teaching & studying self actualization in order to rectify the mental issues I had so I think it is unfair for them to use my financial situation as a way to undermine the hard work I put into this journey. This isn't exactly an issue of me needing validation from my friends that I'm doing a decent job in life, because I already know that to be true for myself. It's more of an issue of me not knowing how to address the constant undermining comments & resentful outbursts when I share anything good that's happening in my life with them. I can't tell my friends that I lost 5 pounds & that I'm really happy about it, that I got a promotion at work, or about any good thing that happens in my life because I'll just be met with resentment & undermining comments. My friends have even gotten pissed at me for sending them a nice selfie on Snapchat because by doing so they get insecure about their looks & this insecurity manifests in resent. This happens to me on a weekly basis & I'm not sure how to approach or confront this issue in a productive way that would facilitate any type of change in my relationships. When something good happens to my friends, I get genuinely excited & happy for them. When something good happens to me, I get blatantly undermined & shamed for it

[Leo Gura]

Those sound like shitty friends. Fuck 'em. Find better ones.

A true friend is supposed to be able to feel happy for you when you are succeeding.

[creator20]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Those sound like shitty friends. Fuck 'em. Find better ones.

A true friend is supposed to be able to feel happy for you when you are succeeding.

You’re not wrong. They act very shitty. However they are stuck in their own victim mentality & I was there once so I can empathize. Their behavior is more pitiful to me than it is insulting. Not sure if I’m willing to condone this behavior much longer though  

[purerogue]

3 minutes ago, creator20 said:

You’re not wrong. They act very shitty. However they are stuck in their own victim mentality & I was there once so I can empathize. Their behavior is more pitiful to me than it is insulting. Not sure if I’m willing to condone this behavior much longer though  

You probably should not if you can't find some middle ground with them, it will have negative impact on your own psyche.

 

[creator20]

7 minutes ago, purerogue said:

You probably should not if you can't find some middle ground with them, it will have negative impact on your own psyche.

 

It’s a complicated relationship because I’ve been friends with these people for a good 7 years and they have dipped their toes into self actualization so they are aware when they are projecting their own perceived inadequacies and insecurities onto me, but they seem not to care regardless of having this awareness. It’s like they know what they’re doing & are aware of the deeper reasons behind what they’re doing, yet still do it anyways. I’ve never seen anything like it 

[purerogue]

19 minutes ago, creator20 said:

It’s a complicated relationship because I’ve been friends with these people for a good 7 years and they have dipped their toes into self actualization so they are aware when they are projecting their own perceived inadequacies and insecurities onto me, but they seem not to care regardless of having this awareness. It’s like they know what they’re doing & are aware of the deeper reasons behind what they’re doing, yet still do it anyways. I’ve never seen anything like it 

Being aware is good start and it is completely normal to be aware but still act on impulses, not wanting to hurt people close to you, but still hurting them.

It is ofc up to you how to handle this situation, try to grow with them, or find people that will not drag you down. 

Edited September 1, 2020 by purerogue

[nistake]

48 minutes ago, creator20 said:

You’re not wrong. They act very shitty. However they are stuck in their own victim mentality & I was there once so I can empathize. Their behavior is more pitiful to me than it is insulting. Not sure if I’m willing to condone this behavior much longer though  

You can be empathetic towards them, but you shouldn't let them bring you down. If they truly resent you for growing, well, it may be a good idea to actually move on.

[EddieEddie1995]

Imagine friends that are on the same path with you, how that feels like? 

I spent long time trying to lift off my friends, even thought they are jealous, but the light is just to painful for them. When they are ready, they will call you on their own. 

You don't want to spend time with people where you worry what you should say, only to avoid conflict. (you are not loving yourself, you are suppressing)

Ask yourself this questions:

• What is ideal "friend" for me and how is this belief is limiting me?
• How would I feel like if I said fuck you boys, I just gotta fly!
• Will I be scared meeting new friends? 
• Will my old friends think that I em a traitor? 

Note: All the friends you see is your projection. They are not the problem, your thinking is the problem hehe My role of "self-actualisation guy" created an idea that I needed to be good with evrybody, to understand them(which is nice), but It made me suppress my bad side(which is not good). 

Raise your standard my friend! Raise you vision, and the problems seize to exist! 

Self-actualization felt really lonely for me when I started, but it is fucking worth it! 

 

 

[Hansu]

2 hours ago, creator20 said:

You’re not wrong. They act very shitty. However they are stuck in their own victim mentality & I was there once so I can empathize. Their behavior is more pitiful to me than it is insulting. Not sure if I’m willing to condone this behavior much longer though  

Imagine a mentally handicap person who is violent. Is it his/her fault that they are violent? Not likely. They are probably not acting out of evilness. But if they are violent everywhere they go, its a big problem for everyone around them.

[Leo Gura]

 

[Mada_]

I feel heaps of people will relate to this.

I find that it is better to hang out with people who shares interests to me e.g. healthy eating, exercise, meditation. Because when you go home form hanging with them, you feel better. When you hang out with lame people, you feel exhausted or guilty after hanging out with them. It doesn't mean some people are better than others, some people just feel better to be around; find those people.

[purerogue]

2 minutes ago, Mada_ said:

I feel heaps of people will relate to this.

I find that it is better to hang out with people who shares interests to me e.g. healthy eating, exercise, meditation. Because when you go home form hanging with them, you feel better. When you hang out with lame people, you feel exhausted or guilty after hanging out with them. It doesn't mean some people are better than others, some people just feel better to be around; find those people.

Pretty much,  people you hang out with will elevate you in whatever area of life they stand at, want to be more positive , positive people, better with money , people who are good with money  and so on. 

[Tetcher]

To what extent those people are your friends is the question. What have you done to include them into your life and your success except than rubbing your success into their face knowing they don't have the same level of success in life? If they are really your friends you would tie your success with theirs by offering them a way to join your ventures. If you can't do that then they are not really your friends, just tools you use to feel better about yourself. If so do them a favor and respect their choice by giving them some space and find people you're more in tune with.

[creator20]

10 hours ago, Tetcher said:

To what extent those people are your friends is the question. What have you done to include them into your life and your success except than rubbing your success into their face knowing they don't have the same level of success in life? If they are really your friends you would tie your success with theirs by offering them a way to join your ventures. If you can't do that then they are not really your friends, just tools you use to feel better about yourself. If so do them a favor and respect their choice by giving them some space and find people you're more in tune with.

These are my childhood friends I’ve known for almost a decade. I’ve offered numerous times to coach them for free in the gym because I am a personal trainer & bodybuilder to help them with their appearance issues, I have offered to help them start their own businesses & have offered numerous times to include them in my side hustles to make some extra cash, I sit down with them for hours & try to talk about their issues with them & introduce them to self development work. They refuse every offer I’ve ever made to help them. I don’t need anybody else to prop myself up & I knew somebody was going to misinterpret my statements in this exact way. Me simply existing & being successful is not “rubbing my success in their face”. And having friends not in the same circumstances is not me using them as “tools” to feel better about myself when I already feel fantastic. No matter what I do to offer to help my friends further themselves in life, they refuse that offer, stay stuck in their victim mentality, & then undermine my accomplishments. 

[creator20]

10 hours ago, Tetcher said:

To what extent those people are your friends is the question. What have you done to include them into your life and your success except than rubbing your success into their face knowing they don't have the same level of success in life? If they are really your friends you would tie your success with theirs by offering them a way to join your ventures. If you can't do that then they are not really your friends, just tools you use to feel better about yourself. If so do them a favor and respect their choice by giving them some space and find people you're more in tune with.

Also I really do not appreciate the blanket assumption that you made about me rubbing my success in their face. You would have absolutely no way of knowing whether or not I do that based on what I wrote here & doing that goes against everything that I stand for in my life. I would never boast about my successes, which aren’t even that extraordinary in my eyes, to people with the intent of propping myself up. As I stated in my post, I don’t even talk about my successes because I know that this will make them feel resentful.

[Applegarden]

I would change my company, in fact, i did. Makes alot of difference! 

[DoUExist]

You're going to have to let them go. You've simply out grown them. While on this journey, I've had to let friendships of 10-14 years go. Because there isn't anything more important to me than Personal Development. I would cut my own Mom off if I had to. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a friend (What they look like, How they dress, Their interest, ETC) make it very detailed. And while going to events, or doing hobbies that you love, they will automatically start coming your way. It's crazy.

 

[Tetcher]

On 9/2/2020 at 6:54 AM, creator20 said:

Also I really do not appreciate the blanket assumption that you made about me rubbing my success in their face. You would have absolutely no way of knowing whether or not I do that based on what I wrote here & doing that goes against everything that I stand for in my life. I would never boast about my successes, which aren’t even that extraordinary in my eyes, to people with the intent of propping myself up. As I stated in my post, I don’t even talk about my successes because I know that this will make them feel resentful.

That's fine you don't need to be offended, why do you care if what I said is not truth. If you genuinely offered to help them and they declined and now they feel you are rubbing your success in their face anyway then it just means they are in a much different place in life and staying close just creates this manifestation where they complain.