Horrible break through

[Breakingthewall]

I smoked 5 meo and I had a break through, 20 min ago. Was nothing, was dead, was empty, was horrible, and can't escape

[OBEler]

@Breakingthewall please elaborate, Roa, dose and setting. Congratulations so far that you did have a breakthrough

[actualizing25]

Why was it horrible?

[Breakingthewall]

Smoked like 14 , in 3 times. In a moment I was totally dissolved, I was the nothing, the empty, but that empty was dead, and there is not a escape. Well...I have to do again, because worse is impossible. I prefer any evil, any torture that that dead empty that I am, but if it is that I am...welcome the horrible, what to do?

[Breakingthewall]

1 minute ago, actualizing25 said:

Why was it horrible?

Because is dead, impossible to explain. I was there and was the nothing and the nothing .... wasn't anything good , now my mind elaborate 1000 things, but when I was there... impossible to describe. Horrible?? Hehe

 

[Breakingthewall]

I hope I'm not getting affected in long term. I already forgot but I saw, and it's going to appear again. I hope Leo or the experience people here could help me. I'm not scared to do it again 1000 times because nothing could be worse, and maybe, next time I could see any life, anything in that horrible void. I'm criying because I can't escape. My mind is telling: don't worry, sure it's normal and if you go further you will see the bliss...but I saw the last last nothing, empty, and was dead, was ....only nothing....like sad, no escape, can't explain

Edited August 31, 2020 by Breakingthewall

[Breakingthewall]

But now I'm courious to see the horrible nothing again haha

[nistake]

Do you have a proper foundation for psychedelics? Stable meditation practise, emotional maturity, decent knowledge about these substances, etc?

[Breakingthewall]

33 minutes ago, nistake said:

Do you have a proper foundation for psychedelics? Stable meditation practise, emotional maturity, decent knowledge about these substances, etc?

Yes, I meditate every day, I did mushroom many times, salvia 2 times, but I never was so deep. it isn't any possible preparation for that. You totally dissolved, and no preparation could help, your mind is off Where is the void. Where the nothing is alone . Well, I have to see again the void that I am. It's impossible that its so bad. I feel good now...I don't know why

 

Edited August 31, 2020 by Breakingthewall

[Javfly33]

Why you call it "horrible"?

[Breakingthewall]

Just now, Javfly33 said:

Why you call it "horrible"?

Because when I was there, I was dead, empty, nothing, and I remember like a horrible sensation of death

[Recursoinominado]

48 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

 I prefer any evil, any torture that that dead empty that I am, but if it is that I am...welcome the horrible, what to do?

That's interesting, contemplate why the ego mind prefer evil and suffering to emptiness.

And congratulations for the courage to go deep into reality.

[Fran11]

There is an existential fear to God. Mind has to fear infinity it in order to keep you alive. It can be quite shocking for the ego, I also have had depressing thoughts after such experiences, it's normal.

You will get over it, contemplate and recognize where fear is coming from.

Consider that if you really dissolved you can only consider it horrible after you've come back. Because you yourself said the mind wasn't there, how would it make such judgements?

Edited August 31, 2020 by Fran11

[Breakingthewall]

10 minutes ago, Fran11 said:

Consider that if you really dissolved you can only consider it horrible after you've come back. Because you yourself said the mind wasn't there, how would it make such judgements?

True true, the judgement appears when the mind returns, but I remember that when I was the void, it was only nothing, death, empty, wasn't a place where I want to be. Really I don't remember now exactly. I know that I had a really strong negative feeling. I remember that wasn't anything , only a void, and I'm the void for the eternity...but maybe it wasn't an absolute dissolution, you are right. Who was feeling anguish in that void? Who didn't like the nothing? It's the point

10 minutes ago, Fran11 said:

 

Edited August 31, 2020 by Breakingthewall

[Fran11]

3 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

True true, the judgement appears when the mind returns, but I remember that when I was the void, it was only nothing, death, empty, wasn't a place where I want to be. Really I don't remember now exactly. I know that I had a really strong negative feeling. I remember that wasn't anything , only a void, and I'm the void for the eternity...but maybe it wasn't an absolute dissolution, you are right. Who was feeling anguish in that void? Who didn't like the nothing? It's the point

I think you just need time, don't worry too much about it.

I know it can be quite shocking and leave the ego mourning for a while.

If you feel you need so, just take a break from spirituality. Or at least focus more on the love facet, it's love VS fear 

[Breakingthewall]

1 minute ago, Fran11 said:

I think you just need time, don't worry too much about it.

I know it can be quite shocking and leave the ego mourning for a while.

If you feel you need so, just take a break from spirituality. Or at least focus more on the love facet, it's love VS fear 

Yes, now I feel totally normal, I could do anything, good mood etc, but...I have a sensation: i saw the deep reality, and it wasn nice at all. The only way for me is go deeper...but not today

[Danioover9000]

@Breakingthewall  The good news is, you had a breakthrough. However, it'll take time to integrate.

[Breakingthewall]

7 minutes ago, Danioover9000 said:

@Breakingthewall  The good news is, you had a breakthrough. However, it'll take time to integrate.

The breakthrough was easy and the dissolution was beautiful, good feeling....but after, the void was all except good. Integrate that I'm a void that don't want to be a void, and can't escape of be a void for the eternity? . Well, no choice. I'm thinking now that was the ego who felt horror of the void, but when I was, only was the void and the horror. Anyway,Thank you for read me and answer , at least it's that forum to explain myself to people who understands what I'm talking about. it's a huge help now. 

 

Edited August 31, 2020 by Breakingthewall

[Bulgarianspirit]

Realizing reality is an illusion is only fun on paper isn't it lads? To think buddhists would love to stay in that void at least for a while

 

EEEK

Edited August 31, 2020 by Bulgarianspirit

[Bulgarianspirit]

The whole point is to forget what we are.There is nowhere to go and nothing else to do. Also there it is very lonely.