How to recognise my Shadow?

[LearningPodo]

Hey guys,

So I know that I have quite a large shadow self, which I know are the aspects of my personality that I suppress in my psyche from conscious awareness. I mean growing up I didn't have an amazing childhood and I was bullied a bit here and there, as well as some traumas. So right now I'm living in the town that I went to school in (elementary through high school). In school, my peers were very white and "proper", and they didn't really tolerate people who were maybe a little bit loud or mean here and there. Growing up, I eventually learned to hide my shadow side and present the side of me that was sweet and innocent. Even when I'm home now from college, this environment causes me to suppress my shadow side. I don't think I'm a bad person at all to be honest, but I'm also not the person I play this role in.

So my question is, how can I start to integrate some of the parts of my shadow into my personality even in an environment where I internalized it was not ok for me to have these traits? My parents are super old fasioned so it's kind of like I happily live in my head at home, all the while playing a character for the external world to see? In short, I lose my sense of self. I know I'll be back at college soon, and hopefully I can learn to express my whole self. But while I'm still home, what are some techniques I can use to integrate my shadow self that I've internalized is not ok?

 

Thanks