Safety First

[Jennjenn]

I have a friend that has been in an abusive relationship for ten years. She has tried to divorce him many times but she’s isolated here in the US. Her husband brought her from Colombia with a resident visa, she has no family here and she doesn’t speak English. 

For many years she has been trying to deal with her situation on her own, with meditation, yoga and some type of self control, she doesn’t let him affect her emotionally, or so she says. 

I have advice her to go to therapy and seek help, which she did for a couple times but then quit it because she believes therapy is repetitive nonsense, she rather just meditate and overcome her issues on her own. 

I remember a couple of years ago I used to “admire” her, because I really thought she was able to overcome such hardships with just the power of her mind, when I, on the other hand, had to go to therapy for many years to try to overcome my personal traumas.  

But now I see something else. She’s a full Qanon believer. I was watching a doctor Grande video where he explaines why Qanon is like a cult and why some people fall into it (isolation, disenfranchisement, etc)

At the end, the truth is that there is no amount of meditation and “mental power” that can overpower a bad situation. That’s why in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, safety is one of the basis for everything else. We should work from the bottom up.

Edited August 29, 2020 by Jennjenn

[Leo Gura]

Of course no amount of meditation or therapy will fix that. She needs to muster the courage to leave her husband.

That is the elephant in the room. Be ware of using spirituality as a mask for basic material inaction.

The spiritual thing to do in all abusive relationships is LEAVE! Not-leaving isn't love, it's fear.

[hyruga]

Safety isn't the first level.

Survival needs (air, food, water and shelter) is the most basic level.

[Jennjenn]

@hyruga you’re right that safety is not at the very bottom. But it is one of the basic needs. 
 

Also this is the video I was taking about...

 

[Jennjenn]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Of course no amount of meditation or therapy will fix that. She needs to muster the courage to leave her husband.

That is the elephant in the room. Be ware of using spirituality as a mask for basic material inaction.

The spiritual thing to do in all abusive relationships is LEAVE! Not-leaving isn't love, it's fear.

Thank you for saying this. For a long time I thought that people that were able to stay in abusive situations and “not let it get to you” instead of leaving were somehow “stronger”. 

[Leo Gura]

13 minutes ago, Jennjenn said:

Thank you for saying this. For a long time I thought that people that were able to stay in abusive situations and “not let it get to you” instead of leaving were somehow “stronger”. 

Add it to the list of examples of the counter-intuitive nature of life.

Tolerating abusive relationships is weakness and fear. Leaving them immediately is Love.

[Jennjenn]

I believe this Qanon affiliation is a spill over. 
Trauma and abuse has to be dealt with. Sadly, there is no escaping it. 
In this instances is were people say life is a bitch. 

Edited August 30, 2020 by Jennjenn

[Rajneeshpuram]

Does basketball create tall kids, or it's just tall kids become naturally attracted to basketball?

It's your friend's personality that makes her keeping the abusive relation and not breaking it. Its her personality that makes her attracted to movements like Qanon.

I doubt Qanon is a cult, more of a community of conspiracy-nerds. But a group that convinces people that they're fixing the world secretly in the shadows... can be attracting to some people. I dont see nothing bad, except half of the info is false. Some people watch netflix shows as a hobby where historic facts are manipulated and nothing happens.

[Consept]

A lot of the times spirituality can be used as an escape of one's current circumstances but also simultaneously keeping one within that circumstance. 

So with your friend, there's something that keeps her there, could be something from childhood or that she's being manipulated or whatever but importantly shes not conscious of it, therefore she doesn't see a way out. So all she can do is cope with the situation as best as she can. She needs to know that she can escape the situation but it may require some no nonsense internal work. The mind is very interested in keeping whatever the current situation is, even if it's a negative situation. 

The qanon thing makes sense as cults and conspiracy type movements are very attractive to those who have little control in their lives, this is because these movements provide some kind of certainty where there is none, even if the content of them is usually bullshit and they have some obvious ulterior motive 

[Moon]

7 hours ago, Jennjenn said:

@hyruga you’re right that safety is not at the very bottom. But it is one of the basic needs. 
 

Also this is the video I was taking about...

 

So her husband is providing for her I'm guessing- in the physiological needs?

The strongest thing she could do for herself is learn English and find a job to pay her own food and shelter so she can leave her husband, despite whatever traumas are there. 

[universe]

I would be careful linking conspiracy theories to this stuff.

What I've found with QAnon is that people who want to be seen as smart and special fall into it. Which includes all kinds of personalities.

Seems like these people also desire control very much. Add in the growing distrust in TV Media and you got yourself a cool cocktail - enjoyed by people of all ages and backgrounds.