Journal

[B_HAZ]

I was in isolation for almost a year now to heal myself from all childhood traumas and painful experiences I've gone through, I dropped all my goals ( they were not authentic anyway) and took that time to focus on my emotions.
I did a lot of healing work, took therapy sessions and, I feel much better now.

But after going through this process I started to feel empty I have a lot of free time I don't know what I want to do with my life, that's why I've decided to do the life purpose course again,  the first time I did it was in 2018 , but I couldn't complete it because it was a lot of work, and I wasn't ready to do anything at that time. 

I feel like I'll find it after this attempt, because I kind know what it is but I'm not 100% sure yet

[B_HAZ]

My current habits  :

 My days are so repetitive and I'm kinda depressed I feel really stuck and lost I don't know what to do with my time

 but I'll trust the process and complete the course
 

[B_HAZ]

I feel really bad because I feel like I'm wasting my time, I literally do nothing except my daily habits, I don't even give my 100% attention to university I feel my life is pointless, empty and I live like a robot. before I go to sleep this feeling gets worse because I realize that I've wasted another day, but I will trust the process and continue doing the course I'm currently at mid of the first part and already feel positive about the process and I have the trust that I'll be able to find it.

 this phase of my life is pretty tough I feel lonely and lost really lost the hardest part is that I can't rely on anyone and I don't even have someone to talk about what I'm going through, I'm completely isolated, I spend most of my time learning self-help stuff but I feel I need to take action towards my life especially my career, I've been stuck on learning without doing anything with my life

 I have 2 more years before graduation and I already feel the pressure from my parents' expectations because they were supporting me and I don't want to disappoint them because I know I will end up with a totally different career than what I'm currently studying. I'm sure eventually they will understand. I'm kind of lucky to have very supportive and understanding parents but still, I feel bad for doing that, I know feeling guilty won't help the best thing I can do right now is to find my life purpose 

Edited September 24, 2020 by B_HAZ