Romantic relationships and awakening (Triggered ego/painbody)

[Moon]

10 hours ago, zeroISinfinity said:

??(mods, saudi arabians) 

what? ?

[beastcookie]

10 hours ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

Well, I agree, sex is important for deep emotional connection.

Obviously, if you are a very sexual creature, an ideal partner would also have a high sex drive, right?

"but I wonder if this is a productive purge (getting it all out and into the light to be transmuted) or if it's a sign of incompatibility."

Couldn't it be both? 

I'd say, emotional pain could almost always be viewed as a kind of productive purge, if you are conscious about it.

Many people fall in love, have a relationship for some time, where both -- or at least one -- grow as humans, and then they find out they are incompatible and break up. Then usually, if one of them had not grown much during the relationship, he/she will after the break-up.

"Since I'm not completely enlightened"  -- why aren't you? Be careful of believing your own narrative too much, ehe...:>

What would it take for you to become completely enlightened? And who isn't enlightened? :>

Being desperate for attention is pretty human I'd say. Nothing wrong about that, especially not when paired with consciousness/contemplation/inquiry as you do. 

Perhaps, the more rules you set up about "what is not enlightened" the further away you get from that you seek.

Enlightenment isn't about behaving in a special way, or being nice, or being a good person. The road of enlightenment is a quest for honesty: unravling the mind and its ego-structures, accepting what is.

https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-descriptions - which type on the enneagram is your core type? :>

Talked to Ramaji about it and he thought old pain and a triggering partner could be a blessing. But yes perhaps an ideal partner would match me in having a high sex-drive or sharing sex as a love language. My type of guys are rarely like that unfortunately. 

Enlightenment for me is perfect clarity and ability to deal with psychic trash. I'm not having perfect clarity atm even though I've come a long way. I know I'm not seeing everything as is, but currently in a process of letting everything false and inauthentic be washed away. Perhaps this romantic relationship will be washed away as well, perhaps not. 

I'm an enneagram 4w3 - a pretty dramatic person that LOVE attention and getting seen as special. Partner is 5w6. 

[beastcookie]

10 hours ago, Farnaby said:

@beastcookie I'm a guy and have experienced something similar to this.

Although instead of getting extremely creative I tend get frustrated and stop pursuing sex lol.

Haven't found a definitive answer/solution yet. However, I've found that any kind of pushing/forcing against what is happening in the now, never works.

So IME the best thing to do is to sit with the frustration/pain and not try to manipulate what is happening in any way. Because if you push and get rejected it's only going to make you feel worse and become more needy.

In my case, when the time is right and we both feel connected, sex happens naturally. 

Talking about how you feel with your partner, without blaming him, also helps. 

Yep you're right but have a hard time backing away when all I need is ATTENTION (and sex) I really feel bad for all the guys out there that are with women with low sex drives. I listened to a video with @Leo Gura (https://www.actualized.org/articles/how-to-make-a-guy-fall-in-love-with-you ) about how to keep a man and he really emphasize having your weight handled (check, fitness girl), having an active life (check), and providing interesting, creative sex (check, no boring vanilla stuff here) and yes they fall in love but I need MORE and it's a constant trigger. 

I've considered having a rotation but I'm very loyal so, perhaps not an option.  

[beastcookie]

9 hours ago, Johnny5 said:

Also, it's entirely possible that this is part of a deeper, more general issue like neediness / lack of (unconditional) self-love. If so, you may want to look into that too. That could also be a reason why purging isn't happening or why you keep recreating that pain, as the case may be.

Yes, I'm working with my ego triggers and inferiority complex and "lack of love, lack of attention, lack... something's missing" it's in my focus  Purging IS happening and has been happening since february this year, but have a little left to purge!

[beastcookie]

3 hours ago, StarStruck said:

Have you talked this with your partner? You need somebody to share your described experience with.  If you are not comfortable sharing this information with your partner, you may want to focus on that. I´m having similar problems and what I really try to do is being an `open box`instead of a `closed box`. Closing yourself because of your feelings just retards one´s development. Relationships expose who you really are.

Talking about this type of stuff daily as we are both working with ego triggers atm. 

[beastcookie]

9 hours ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

If you wanna get serious about purging, you should try Ayahuasca. We have a retreat-group here on Femø in Denmark called "spiritofaya", they are amazing , https://spiritofaya.com/ see you there perhaps  

Done this type of purging as well, prefer other substances though but thanks for the invitation! 

[Johnny5]

2 hours ago, beastcookie said:

Yes, I'm working with my ego triggers and inferiority complex and "lack of love, lack of attention, lack... something's missing" it's in my focus  Purging IS happening and has been happening since february this year, but have a little left to purge!

Yes  I meant the purging of specific, persistent things that may not be going as well as you had hoped. Inferiority and neediness was a big thing for me, and what helped me was self-love. Even if you need external "props" to reflect love back to you, whatever works is fair game and you can't afford not to.

And indeed sex can be a big part of how that gets expressed. There's no downside here ?. Whatever you can do to love yourself, embrace who you are, be good to yourself, etc. by all means go for it. Self-love is what enables the "purge" ("releasing" might be a nicer way of thinking about it, considering).

Edited August 30, 2020 by Johnny5

[Johnny5]

14 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

For most part it is kindergarten and human devilry exposed. 

That's what it's for, and is why you're still here.  

Birds who've already learned to fly leave the nest...

Edited August 30, 2020 by Johnny5

[Johnny5]

 ? 

[allislove]

1 hour ago, Johnny5 said:

Birds who've already learned to fly leave the nest...

??❤️

[Farnaby]

@beastcookie Are you sure the need you are trying to satisfy is a sexual need? Or is it the need for attention that you are looking ti satisfy and sex calms down the suffering of feeling like he doesn't give you enough attention. 

It's important to pinpoint your authentic need. Because if it's the need for attention, getting sex will only calm it down for a while and it can become a compulsive chasing of sex.

Also, be careful with thought stories like "I'm not having perfect clarity atm" because it may be preventing you from having that clarity. 

But coming back to the question about sex, I think the most important part is to talk it through with your partner. 

[Johnny5]

1 hour ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Mostly judgements and moralistic stuff.

 

[Johnny5]

@zeroISinfinity You're good to go any day you're above ground.  ? 

[Johnny5]

@zeroISinfinity Fuck off.

[Johnny5]

10 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

5 meo breakthrough dose and be done with it. 

If I do that then how would I annoy you anymore...?  ?‍♂️ 

[WaveInTheOcean]

3 hours ago, beastcookie said:

Talked to Ramaji about it and he thought old pain and a triggering partner could be a blessing. But yes perhaps an ideal partner would match me in having a high sex-drive or sharing sex as a love language. My type of guys are rarely like that unfortunately. 

I'm an enneagram 4w3 - a pretty dramatic person that LOVE attention and getting seen as special. Partner is 5w6. 

Whatever life (God/Your True Self) gives to you is a blessing, so yeah, of course this includes your partner. 
If your relationship had no issues, no triggering, no conflict at all, then it'd be boring and you wouldn't be able to grow at all. 
So there has to be some "issues", but of course within certain limits.

https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/relationship-type-4-with-type-5 , good short read, although I suppose you probably already have read this

What hinders you from having perfect clarity right now?
Is it unconscious inner childhood trauma/'selfish ways of looking at life' that has yet to be transcended in the light and love of your consciousness?

Quote

Enlightenment for me is perfect clarity and ability to deal with psychic trash. I'm not having perfect clarity atm even though I've come a long way. I know I'm not seeing everything as is, but currently in a process of letting everything false and inauthentic be washed away. Perhaps this romantic relationship will be washed away as well, perhaps not. 

I sense you have a good sense of 'what you need to do', but also be careful of not *trying TOO hard*. It's good to be sincere (serious) and put in effort, but effort can also sometimes be a blockade. In a sense, the more you believe you *need* perfect clarity/equanimity, the more distorted you become. The more you *try* to see everything clearly, the more everything becomes distorted.

The more you try "to deal with everything properly", the more you could reinforce the deep inner unconcious belief that you exist 'as a separate poor-little-self' that has to conquer and control 'the outside world'. 

Alan Watts referred to this as “the backwards law” which is “the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make. The more desperately you want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless of your actual physical appearance. The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you.”

The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.

Quote

“To remain stable is to refrain from trying to separate yourself from a pain because you know that you cannot. Running away from fear is fear, fighting pain is pain, trying to be brave is being scared. If the mind is in pain, the mind is pain. The thinker has no other form than his thought. There is no escape.” - https://www.amazon.com/Wisdom-Insecurity-Message-Age-Anxiety/dp/0307741206

You could try make an experiment with your partner, where you both agree that sex is totally off-the-table for 7 days straight. You can still kiss and hug of course, but no sex at all of any kind. Such a reset/re-boot could maybe help? During those 7 days both of you - especially you - could totally relax and let go of all the thoughts about sex (as it is not allowed) and instead focus on other things... of course knowing that sex soon will be in play again after the experiment is over. Dunno, just an idea.

[Johnny5]

29 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

You don’t because you are me. 

PvP? 

Now help me get swedish chick as forum mistress who needs mandy. If I get that no need to be mod here ever. 

Spiritual frustration far more i teresting topic for me then pms and patriarchy. 

Placing boyfriend on rotation That's God damn honesty. Wanna hear more of that stuff.

Stop derailing threads?  ?‍♂️ 

[Johnny5]

2 minutes ago, zeroISinfinity said:

Have to be clown. 

That's the way it works, big man.

No effort required...

[mandyjw]

 

20 hours ago, beastcookie said:

 no I'm not ugly, fat or old just find it fun and think it's an important part of deep emotional connection)

Some deeply culturally influenced judgements on only certain people being worthy of having a good sex life,( IE love), coming out here. 

You are worthy of love. Regardless. 

[zeroISinfinity]

@mandyjw You will make me return begging on my knees don't ya. Pitty I am just a vision and not Love.