Sudden Indifference Before Approaching Women

[Wintfa11]

Hi everyone, 

I have a problem regarding approaching women during the day with dating as a goal. 

1. My Problem: For nearly a month now I have been going out almost every day 1-2 hours, taking walks around my city for what people call daygame. Thus far I could not manage to talk to even a single woman that interested me. What happens every time I see a woman I would like to approach is that suddenly I feel really indifferent about actually doing it. My rational mind still says "Yeah, saying 'Hi' to her would be great", but my actual drive to do so seems lost. I don't feel afraid, insecure or tense in that moment, just indifferent. This happens again and again. I am really at a loss about how I can change this.

2. Some backstory: I have been with very few women in my life. About 3 years ago I got out of 4 year relationship and right into a harsh depression. To get myself out I used mainly meditation and discovered self-development. I slowly got my life in order, found a life purpose and got my health and body in shape. I feel like I am in a really great place right now. While I always felt a desire to have more women in my life I only recently decided to do something about it. 

3. My thoughts about this so far: A big part of this problem is probably, that after my breakup and during my deperssion I very actively tried to take away the importance of love and sex in my life, because I didn't know how to cope any other way back then. I'm sure somehow my ego or subconsciousness still try to protect me from more pain by putting up resitance as indifference. I feel like I really need to resolve or push past this barrier to finally get a handle on this part of my life, but right now I do not know how to do either.

I would greatly appreciate any thoughts, perspectives or suggestions anybody here might have about this.

[egoeimai]

Im a bit disappointed (not from you-but from me and all the man n woman population  ) Let's get serious. I know we all have past relatioships that didnt go well,as we wanted so.............

Let go of the past. See the new relationship as a new game. A game that you dont have the rules and dont know how to play. Be in the present moment.

....But actually by bad experiences we grow. I know the feelings. The fears and all that, but we need to restart and dont think about past experiences. Because people are not the same,we change,situations changes,time is  passing by. So where is your main hesitation.? What are you afraid of. ?Ask that to yourself

Why do you feel indifferent.?  

Are you sabotaging your needs? I feel we get involved in a relationship because we lack something. We want something. You know. What is that. What do you need..?

And If you are sabotaging your needs..(you say that you want to try and play the game but at the same time you feel indifferent and you change your mind) Are there any obstacles?

Are you sure you dont feel insecure,or you have enough confidence? If thats not your problem then what is it? I dont know. Find it.

Also.. reconsider how important are relationships to you. When we are deppressed we are not exactly ourselves. Its a disease actually. Its not yourself. In deppression your brain changes structure. I had read that in a book. So you dont have to think about what you were doing back then. You were on a bad mood etc. People get through these situations and the part after that is the most important,in which degree they have survived. We adapt ourselves and we think about our next moves. So reconsider what are relationships to you. Your expectations,ambitions,needs. How important it is to you. Dont think about the people as faces who have passed through your life. See the relationship as a relationship. The commitment,the exchange. What you want to receive and what do you want to give. 

[Lynnel]

@Wintfa11 It only means your mind is blocking off the fear and you rationalize it as indifference. Why would you be indifferent ? You're trying to meet her then, you're like oh no why let's not do this...it's just your mind tricking you !

 

[Wintfa11]

@Lynnel That seems likely, but how do stop getting tricked by my mind then?

EDIT: After thinking about this a little while I feel so silly. The big trick my mind might be playing on me is making me think it is not fear I am facing. I guess I actually could be afraid underneath my indifference. I will try to see it from that perspective the next time in that situation.

Edited August 14, 2016 by Wintfa11
new insight

[Lynnel]

@Wintfa11 You do it ANYWAY, no matter how you feel ! If you really feel indiference doing it or not shouldn't be a big deal and you should be able to do it easily

Edited August 14, 2016 by Lynnel

[Gabriel David Gomez]

Lynnel, I agree. By the way, when I heard your name Lynnel and saw the smile you typed, I thought of a dorkier girl behind the text. I think people should know that emotion is just a method of empathy and is how your mind identifies gain, loss, safety, or danger. You feel that someone feels a certain way by their body language because your mind wants you to know what best to associate with their internal dialogue according to what you have experienced in the past and how it may apply. The emotion you feel is meant to motivate you to make action, so don't sit still while your mind is working so hard. Emotion is the animal in humans. Maybe you look at it too logically to mate. Haha. Maybe you don't see where you would gain because you have experienced being independant. You have to stop relying on emotion to motivate you because with each new experience your mind learns new aspects and perspectives about the world external to your internal self. By advancing onward you will gain new emotional responses according to what will benefit you in the survival of the fittest.