Lately I have been doing some shadow work because I realized that I have some issues with confidence. I find it difficult to really put myself out there because deep down I feel like I don't deserve to take up space. I feel like I'm always doing the most just by existing, like there is something inherently wrong with me. A lot of this has to do with trauma from my childhood (think from like 5-10). I've been trying to unpack that and dismantle those core beliefs but even though I consciously know that the messages that were ingrained into me were bullshit, I have problems with really embodying it. Some days I feel like wanting to hide in a cave and never have anyone see me again. This has caused me to isolate from people, keep quiet about my thoughts and opinions, and made it difficult to sell myself in certain settings where it is necessary. I might also have mild social anxiety from this as well.  But the more isolating factor is that people see the opposite. They see me as someone who seems like they have it together in many aspects of their life and some people have even told me that I intimidate them because of the way I carry myself. I think I carry myself well because I have done a lot of self improvement work and have benefited a lot from it. I got into self improvement for a variety of good reasons, the central one being to improve my well being and quality of life so that I can live to the fullest. But there is a shadow side to this as well. I got into self development because I thought there was something inherently wrong with me.  I can't get at what exactly is wrong with me, what exactly I can fix anymore. I'm trying to integrate the notion that self development won't make you a better person or more worthy because you were worthy during all parts of the journey. I think my problem is that I can be too hard on myself but I don't know man. I don't know what's wrong with me or if whats wrong with me is me thinking that there must be something wrong with me.  How do I embody what I consciously know subconsciously? I feel like there are parts of myself that are fighting and contradicting and this thing just feels like a mess. Like the conscious part of me is like "Of course you are worthy, you were worthy this entire time. Literally no one thinks that you are lesser than them. It's all you." But my unconscious programming is like "Hide yourself away and keep improving yourself until you can come out as a perfect person because no one will love you if you have flaws."