Life Coach or Radical Honesty

[IAmReallyImportant]

I need guidance, but I tend to get into conflict with people, so I'm not sure if I should take a life coach. And if you had a really good one, then all the others look like a joke. Like the cheap version of something. At least that's how it is for me. I think it's damn hard to find good coaches, especially nowadays. And even with certified IPEC coaches or something, I don't think I would do that. Because being coached by someone who is suffering himself feels like a waste of money. These would have to be more developed people.

So I thought about investing in radical honesty instead. Because there you take turns talking to different people. That way I can spread my damn people-off or difficult being over many people, which reduces the chance of getting kicked out. But maybe I can even manage that. Right now, the most important thing I have to learn is to put feeling first. Radical honesty is like a trigger party. I could mentally prepare myself to focus on the feeling instead of thinking and acting reactionary, which in my case happens quite often.  Maybe I should call a reality show doc or something. Because sometimes I realize later how what I express could be interpreted.

I would be very interested to hear what you think and I would appreciate helpful tips!

Edited August 27, 2020 by IAmReallyImportant

[supremeyingyang]

Generally is radical honesty something that i aim for as well. I want to structure my life so that I can say what I think and if it's by chance something stupid I get instant Feedback, so I can rethink and may or may not change my behaviour or Opinion. So I think Radical Honesty is cool, but sometimes you are not in a position where you opinion is valued. You could get fired or canceled for example.

A live coach is a good Idea if you are at a certain stage where you need to improve and already reached some success to pay him off. Before that it tends in my experience to be the case that people use the life coach (or fitness coach) to not take the full responsibility. Most Advice is basic nonetheless, we tend to know what to do but fail do follow our own advice, Life Coach is a hack to get you motivated and (hopefully) get some useful Information Spoonfed to you.

That's it - my Opinion

Edited August 30, 2020 by supremeyingyang

[Elisabeth]

@IAmReallyImportant What are you trying to achieve? I hear you were thinking about getting life coaching or seminars in radical honesty... as a means to what end? 

[IAmReallyImportant]

On 30/08/2020 at 0:47 PM, supremeyingyang said:

Generally is radical honesty something that i aim for as well. I want to structure my life so that I can say what I think and if it's by chance something stupid I get instant Feedback, so I can rethink and may or may not change my behaviour or Opinion. So I think Radical Honesty is cool, but sometimes you are not in a position where you opinion is valued. You could get fired or canceled for example.

A live coach is a good Idea if you are at a certain stage where you need to improve and already reached some success to pay him off. Before that it tends in my experience to be the case that people use the life coach (or fitness coach) to not take the full responsibility. Most Advice is basic nonetheless, we tend to know what to do but fail do follow our own advice, Life Coach is a hack to get you motivated and (hopefully) get some useful Information Spoonfed to you.

That's it - my Opinion

For me, the main reason to get a life coach is that I can copy how he or she thinks, behaves and feels. Somehow I copy a part of the personality that I think is valuable. Therefore this person must be on a different level than me. This sounds arrogant, but I think most people are not. Because the average person or the average trainer is someone who suffers as much as I do.

18 hours ago, Elisabeth said:

@IAmReallyImportant What are you trying to achieve? I hear you were thinking about getting life coaching or seminars in radical honesty... as a means to what end? 

I am in a life situation where I feel like stuck. Mainly, I think that I have to make money to not get fucked by everyone who comes around. But this also doesn't feel the right way. I feel somehow I know what I want but at the same time I don't. Become a psychologist, life coach or someone else who helps others would feel good to me. But I also want to experience life to the fulliest because I haven't lived that much yet and with this jobs you don't earn that much to travel the world for a year, do the craziest parties, buy a lamborghini or my dream house and become financially free in under 10 years. My life was was all about solving problems and escaping situations so far. And in addition I feel like helping others is for me to distract myself for emptiness I sometimes feel  and I doesn't feel loved at all. Like "if I cannot be happy, I can make others feel happy and thus feel it for myself". However, I never was like in a real physical life threatening situation. Despites maybe just a hand full of situations who did not last longer than hours. Even for other people my life would look like really heavy, it wasn't even if it felt like and there are many other examples even worse than mine.

Despite one example all people I openend towards so far gave me this mundane feeling on being average like everybody else by saying stuff like "you are not special, not a genius and I don't think you make more out of your life than working on a job like everybody else. As I saw you the first time you didn't look like an interesting person and your communications lacks. You are not funny at all. Other people are way better than you. But I somehow like you."

Its like sucking you in this life with no dreams, automated living like a machine, no adventures. I don't want this. I never wanted this, I want to become excellent in something. I am really good in programming. But most software developers working too much from their left hemisphere and everybody thinks he is something special, becomes arrogant and stuff. I somehow became like them because they act that bold and often smart alleck. Like they are the smartest persons in the world. Then I think "doesn't matter what IQ you have, there is always something with a better one. IQ doesn't say something.". I also feel like unintelligent. According to IQ I am highly gifted. But this is bullshit, because I know many "highly gifted" people who are dumb. And according to statistics there are million people in the world more intelligent than me. I have this IQ problem, I know its stupid but somehow it comes back often. Because as I was young people mediated towards me that if you don't have a high IQ you are mundane, like nobody and you don't achieve anything in your life. But for me this feels like then I am garbage and can shoot myself. Because I always had this drive to become worldclass at something, I was always hungry and I always want to create something. But IQ doesn't fit, this doesn't matter.

The problem is with software development I could make much money, but the whole scene is too dumb for me. Like Elon Musk is a genius. I don't think so, he is a human like anybody else and doesn't know much about reality, created this awkward character of a ever-being-nerd because in our time people think if you act like he does he must be a genius and therefore he is superior. Artificial intelligence only makes you artificially intelligent. Don't know how to say this but this whole self-sufficient scene and culture made me feel ugly about software development. And company environment is even worse. Lots of sneaky and selfish persons there.

But if I start a new profession it would take me 10 years to finally reach my goals and be happy. This would be ok if I was 20. But I am 30, which means then I would be 40 and thus ugly. What would mean that I only would get ugly sexual partners, but then I rather have no sex. Because of my looks I currently have lots of options and I want to use it before its too late. But even if the look is good the persons are too stupid and boring for me so I throw them away. Like fucking feels for me like jerking of. There is nothing special. It only feels good if there is an emotional intemacy. But I don't want to let someone get close to me I from whom I don't think I would be together for a lifetime. If I hadn't much options I maybe would take anyone if my life would be miserable and I would feel like to need someone. But currently I am asking myself why sex and partners is so important to people. For me its like they want to compensate something. Because if they don't get it most of them weren't happy. For me its getting more and more in the direction like all humans are like stupid animals. I am searching for something more deeply, something which goes behind materialism, superficial stuff. But at the same time I am fascinated about beauty and excellence. So I want to have a really nice home and car. I really don't know what this means. I do ask myself very often why I am even here. I often don't see any reason why I should live this life. Its like I am dissatified even if I have much to be grateful for. But currently I make a lot of progress by just letting go, putting feeling first, train positive emotions and be grateful. If I stop thinking than its all good.

I need some role model someone inspiring I really respect. Because then its easier for me to trust and believe whats said. If someone hasn't achieved something by himself or herself, it would be too risky for me to follow the advice. Because it hasn't worked out in the past. I need someone who understands my behavioural patterns and sees whats wrong in my life, what I do wrong and helps me to find out what would give me the best life. How I can become happy and fullfilled as well as self-realized.

What also would be good if I had some guidance in business. Because many people make stupid faults at the beginning and most of the initial businesses do fail. I want to save time, thus it would be good that I can show how I act in business and get feedback.

I saw too much negative examples of people what make me not being humble because I want to be the opposite of them. Like with money and a great life. There are so many people who act like they got it but for me thats the proof that they haven't got anything. I want to see cool and interesting people, most people do look like uninteresting loosers to me. Its like I am resisting mediocrity out of fear to fail in life and to suffer which makes me suffer and drifting towards mediocrity. Its backwards.

Edited September 1, 2020 by IAmReallyImportant

[IAmReallyImportant]

I searched for myself a long time really intensive. I don't know what I should do or want to do. Even the life purpose course couldn't help me. I am just too stupid for living. Therefore maybe somebody can tell me a solution. I don't know further. Its so cold and love alone does not offer a good life.. I don't think that I can do it by my own just when I feel good. Then I get stupid ideas like starting with dropshipping to get experience in business because it seems to be easy. But there are better solutions to get money but I am too stupid. I feel suicidal but wouldn't do it because its harder to achieve than financial success and too uncertain. 

[Guest SirVladimir]

12 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

Even the life purpose course couldn't help me.

Let's start from here. Forget everything else. We'll unravel the cause, together. Can you pin-point further where the course seems dissonant? Where is the conflict? Feel it by heart. Is the theoretical foundation unclear? Maybe your answers to the exercises are vague? In which case, what specific exercises?

[IAmReallyImportant]

Thanks for your willingness to help. I don't know which profession fits to my desires.

This are my strengths and values

Top 10 Values:
freedom
self-actualization
conciousness
love
learning
purpose
creativity
excellence
honesty
wisdom

Top 5 Strengths:
bravery and valor
hope, optimism, and future-mindedness
curiosity and interest in the world
appreciation of beauty and excellence
creativity, ingenuity, and originality

Zone of Genius:

big picture thinking or abstract thinking

They feel very authentic and I spend a lot of time to figuring them but really feeling into myself. So they are not the problem. The theoretical foundation also not.

I just don't know how to combine my values, strengths and skills into a profession I resonate with. I thought business consultant would fit best to my zone of genius, but this doesn't fit to my values. There are tons of coaches out there and I would feel like some looser telling somebody something about life but haven't achieved anything by himself. And this doesn't give you much money on average. I just don't know what I could do.

Enlightenment work would be the best one. But the net worth of Eckhard Tolle is just 60 million. And he earns the best I guess. Abraham Hicks has just 10 million dollars. And she is really famous and stuff. So this gives me an indication, that this marketplace is not that lucrative, because its stage turquiose and too far away from our current development stage. Tony Robbins has a net worth of 600 million but this is general stage orange and there are too many fraud personal coaches out there and its too popular. The competition is very hard so the success probability is too low. You have to outcompete many people with much more experience and connections.

And in addition I don't see the point in doing anything. Everything takes years to achieve. But I want to start a business now I can make a living of in about 6-9 months.

My current strategy is to get into business by taking a simple business model to learn the basics. From there extend it to other businesses. Learn about finances. Get much money in a couple of years like a few million. So I could live for 10 years in theory without working. From this position make a 1 year solo meditation retreat with psychedelics. Afterwards increse my social and communication skills. Then travel the world for half a year. Now I have developed to an extent I can help other people and do some challenging work with much research and stuff. But also I have the feeling I don't know what to do with this life. What's the point in helping others? This doesn't go deep enough. I feel like I am currently questioning my whole existence.

But it doesn't feel realistic and I get often sucked into the idea that other people want to tell me to just be mediocre because your dreams are too big.

Thanks I really feel lost.

Edited September 1, 2020 by IAmReallyImportant

[supremeyingyang]

4 hours ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

For me, the main reason to get a life coach is that I can copy how he or she thinks, behaves and feels. Somehow I copy a part of the personality that I think is valuable. Therefore this person must be on a different level than me. This sounds arrogant, but I think most people are not. Because the average person or the average trainer is someone who suffers as much as I do.

Um, I don't get it. That is the opposite of arrogant or what do you mean?

Edit:

I don't get why people post their List of Values. To me that is something private. Also I think it's hard for someone else to show you how "to combine [your] values, strengths and skills into a profession [you] resonate" with.

"Enlightenment work would be the best one. But the net worth of Eckhard Tolle is just 60 million" I honestly think that I would have rather have a net worth of 2 Million at the age of 60 with something good and worthwhile than with something bad 200 Million at the Age of 30.

"And in addition I don't see the point in doing anything. Everything takes years to achieve. But I want to start a business now I can make a living of in about 6-9 months." Yeah like anyone else... to get this you gotta be veeery crafty.

"My current strategy is to get into business by taking a simple business model to learn the basics. From there extend it to other businesses. Learn about finances. Get much money in a couple of years like a few million." A few Million? I appreciate you hustle attitude, but are you in Japan where a Million Yen is roughly 9435.00$? lol

"What's the point in helping others?" That is something you can think of veeeeery deeply my friend;)

I mock you a little, but keep your hustle spirit AND keep it realistic, meaning: do little improvements. Get into the real World. Sell a Product. Whatever. It's a Process

Edited September 1, 2020 by supremeyingyang

[Guest SirVladimir]

@IAmReallyImportant It's alright. We talk about courses all the time. It will be valuable for any readers out there who struggle with similar issues.

First of all, I always say this: Let it be natural. Whatever purpose you are seeking, you already are. You're not seeking a purpose of somebody else, of some future you. Whatever you seek is buried within you. 

Read it five times, perhaps it will click. The purpose is here. Right here. You are just blind to it.

The biggest struggle for me was overcoming a demand for practicality. I had feared my life purpose statement would not be practical. But such a fear needs to be dropped immediately. Just look at my Zone of Genius: Exploring the beauty of the Universe. How is that ever a life purpose? Bringing it down to Earth comes later. In my case it did, at least. 

27 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

I thought business consultant would fit best to my zone of genius, but this doesn't fit to my values.

Sure. It happens all the time. You may be very good at something, but you don't hear the inner calling. Being a business consultant would be your profession, but your heart would be missing.

Edited September 1, 2020 by SirVladimir

[IAmReallyImportant]

You are right. There is this inner struggle that I want to do something spiritual but at the same time I want to earn much money to make up for all my youth threefold. And spirituality doesn't offer much money. And I think I have to live out something before proceeding with philosophy and spirituality. Therefore I need much money. And I want to do it in a professional and excellent style. Something which is connected to research. Honestly, that is why I resonate with Leo so much. But I don't want to copy something, I want to create something completely new by myself.

Edited September 1, 2020 by IAmReallyImportant

[IAmReallyImportant]

24 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

I don't get why people post their List of Values. To me that is something private. Also I think it's hard for someone else to show you how "to combine [your] values, strengths and skills into a profession [you] resonate" with.

Nobody knows my identity here, so its still private. I thought maybe someone can post what comes into mind and this could be something I haven't thought of yet and maybe it resonates. Because I crushed my mind on this one.

[Guest SirVladimir]

I understand. A lack of grounding is a struggle you experience when diving into spirituality too young. It is both a blessing and a curse. You bypass the artificial constructs society has to offer at such an age, and then you struggle to keep up because it feels inauthentic. I am graduating high school this year, and while I grasp the struggle itself is a manifestation of survival, a proper foundation for this work is necessary, unless we both want to book a plane to Tibetan mountains and live in a cave. I will speak with delicate prudence about managing money because I am myself working on it. Fortunately - or not, depending how you look at it - I have gone too deep to seek meaning in a classic Orange dream. I am considering working at an NGO while I actualize my life purpose.

18 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

And spirituality doesn't offer much money.

Not in the standard sense. But if you turn 'Exploring the beauty of the Universe' into something like 'writing an immersive e-book collection for psychonauts that captures the human heart and takes it on a journey,' you suddenly have a practical turnaround. You can infest Earthly activities with your top values. 

36 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

I don't get why people post their List of Values. To me that is something private.

Sure, but that is just your bias. We share such bits of ourselves in attempts to overcome our struggles; in hopes a fellow being will enlighten us in a helpful way. I agree, though, that we can collectively give only pointers, and that it's very hard to actually combine someone's values for them. I do not possess that siddhi. 

Edited September 1, 2020 by SirVladimir

[IAmReallyImportant]

Again I agree. Currently, I am not that grounded and maybe I should change my perspectives.

The question remains how do I make a living out of business in about 6-9 months? Most businesses take more time to build up. Writing an ebook takes itself probably months for example. And then you have to do the marketing and get traction. It must be something which does mostly require background knowledge in business itself and maybe some transfer knowledge. I don't consider freelancing because this goes only via agencies and then I would depend on them. And its like having a regular 9-5 job, because most of the time you have to be on the spot. I don't want to work in a company. Software developer is not a cool job, I also feel overqualified. Last time I did 80% of the work of a 10 headed developer team. Had to answer questions all the time. Did the whole software architecture. But most of the developers are on basic level and don't understand much. 70k euro is exploitation compared to the value I provide. In My city the average salary of a software developer is 60k euro. The employers only look mostly at years you worked but not on how good you are. I program since I am 13 years old.

There are too much questions at the same time. And I don't know which is the best one to answer. Intuitively I think I should focus on making money now. But then I get backlashes and lose time because of emotional problems and purification.

Edited September 1, 2020 by IAmReallyImportant

[Guest SirVladimir]

1 minute ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

The question remains how do I make a living out of business in about 6-9 months?

Most likely, you won't. From what I know, most businesses take 1+ year. 

I may, however, be seeing a correlation between your top value, freedom, and your distaste for working in a company. You said you had spent a long time figuring the values out, nevertheless I must ask: How positively/negatively motivated are your top three? There was an exercise to assign percentages to each. When I did the course for the first time, I ended up with a list of negatively impacted values, and the issue had rooted from the past. 

11 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

There are too much questions at the same time. And I don't know which is the best one to answer. Intuitively I think I should focus on making money now. But then I get backlashes and lose time because of emotional problems and purification.

Try and listen to your body. What is it trying to tell you? Sometimes, we get too stuck in heads. Your body is a magnificent temple. An intelligent motherfucker. Trust it. 

[supremeyingyang]

11 minutes ago, SirVladimir said:

Sure, but that is just your bias.

That's just, like, your opinion, man.

 

23 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

Nobody knows my identity here, so its still private. I thought maybe someone can post what comes into mind and this could be something I haven't thought of yet and maybe it resonates. Because I crushed my mind on this one.

You know what, fuck it, I tell you ONE of my Values: Learning. I would suggest that you go back to the Life Purpose Course and you study the Books there. Also it seems like you wanna have Money, but you have to give unconditionally before you can get anything back. A lot of the Times you have to work for Months for little to no Profit before a Hustle starts to Yield a little Success.

[IAmReallyImportant]

19 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

You know what, fuck it, I tell you ONE of my Values: Learning. I would suggest that you go back to the Life Purpose Course and you study the Books there. Also it seems like you wanna have Money, but you have to give unconditionally before you can get anything back. A lot of the Times you have to work for Months for little to no Profit before a Hustle starts to Yield a little Success.

Then you should have learned to not judge or value behaviour because its always projection and has nothing to do with actual reality.

I learn all the time. I also read the books there. I gave unconditionally, but then I was exploited and treated like shit. Afterwards I didn't felt like to give much to anybody. Because I am valuable too. I am not someone from which everyone can take something and give nothing back without even being grateful. And then steal your stuff. Seth Godin said "your gift is personal" and that its about sharing it but not treat yourself as a business transaction and call it uncoditional. Reciprocity in terms of just putting stuff out to people with the hope to get something back is not uncoditional. This is more like being opportunistic and not self-loving. This would be like staying in an abusive relationship. Unconditonal giving in my terms means give something if you feel a connection and sympathy. Currently, in software development I couldn't do it. Because most of the time for the people giving you the work its like they just want to have someone who does the stuff, gives you money and say goodby. There is not much personal connection there. The manager on the top doesnt care about you. Most of the time doesn't even know your name.

 

@SirVladimir
My feeling tells me to purify myself first but I don't know how long it takes and I don't have much time now. I only have a few months and in this time I should have started my business a long time ago. Because I already applied for a fund.

It was 70% negatively motivated. But I feel like its an important value to me anyway. Because I always wanted to do whatever I want. However, maybe I change it.

Edited September 1, 2020 by IAmReallyImportant

[supremeyingyang]

2 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

Then you should have learned to not judge or value behaviour because its always projection and has nothing to do with actual reality.

Trust me, that's already a lot better than it was;) I would call it rather evaluation what I did here.

4 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

I gave unconditionally, but then I was exploited and treated like shit.

Wrong People, look for better. There are plenty even if it don't seem this way. I feel this way still sometimes, it's hard to get off the path of the mistreated one.

5 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

My feeling tells me to purify myself first but I don't know how long it takes and I don't have much time now. I only have a few months and in this time I should have started my business a long time ago. Because I already applied for a fund.

What kind of fund?

8 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

It was 70% negatively motivated. But I feel like its an important value to me anyway. Because I always wanted to do whatever I want. However, maybe I change it.

What do you mean? Money? Business? You could transform it into a more positive one through Shadow Work and Contemplation

[IAmReallyImportant]

10 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

Trust me, that's already a lot better than it was;) I would call it rather evaluation what I did here.

ok

10 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

What kind of fund?

its called Gründungszuschuss. Its a government fund they give you money for 6 months and then you can extend to 9 additional months. In my case that would be like 2600 euro netto a month, what is a lot of money and gives much opportunities. I saw a lot of examples of people making 1 million euro revenue in the first year.

Edited September 1, 2020 by IAmReallyImportant

[IAmReallyImportant]

14 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

Wrong People, look for better. There are plenty even if it don't seem this way. I feel this way still sometimes, it's hard to get off the path of the mistreated one.

Feels true. However, I don't feel this software development path is my path. I want to follow my bliss.

[supremeyingyang]

17 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

its called Gründungszuschuss. Its a government fund they give you money for 6 months and then you can extend to 9 months. In my case that would be like 2600 euro netto a month.

Yes and you have to convince a 'fachkundige Stelle' that your business plan is valid...

6 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

Feels true. However, I don't feel this software development path is my path. I want to follow my bliss.

lol misread. nevermind

 

By the way i read what you wrote before you edited it. I guess you are right that judgement is not that good, but sometimes I feel like I have to be the Ying in a Conversation full of Yang:)

Edited September 1, 2020 by supremeyingyang