Violent flatmate. How to deal with it?

[Javfly33]

 Should I just try to find another place? It kind of sucks because the room i found is really really good . I could communicate it with the owner of the flat but he probably will do nothing as long as he gets paid monthy. 

So far he uses a language and attutude that it´s aggresive towards me, he slams doors constantly...etc. Im afraid some day he will go crazy and really violent.

Edited August 26, 2020 by Javfly33

[Sleyker]

Learn jiu jitsu.

Jokes aside, did you try speaking up and stand up for yourself? Just letting him know that you are not willing to put up with his attitude. Just remember to do it when he's in a good mood. 

Edited August 26, 2020 by Sleyker

[Javfly33]

57 minutes ago, Sleyker said:

Learn jiu jitsu.

Jokes aside, did you try speaking up and stand up for yourself? Just letting him know that you are not willing to put up with his attitude. Just remember to do it when he's in a good mood. 

Yeah, of course I want to do that. The thing is I am evading doing that because I'm concerned of retailiation. 

He's not going to take it well. He is always in a bad mood. But I'll have to probably do it and let's see how it ends. 

[Lyubov]

what exactly are you getting in conflicts over?

[Carl-Richard]

Slip him some 5-Meo-DM... no don't do that 

[Javfly33]

11 hours ago, Lyubov said:

what exactly are you getting in conflicts over?

Nothing, basically. Just the 4 encounters I´ve had with them he just treats me with disrespect and aggresively.

For example last wednesday I was going down the stairs and he was going up. He started saying, "come on come on we don´t have all day" like I was supposed to get of the way

[Michael569]

Move out if you can. Fixing his childish behaviour is not your problem. Lots of websites aimed at finding a roommate or finding a place that looks for new flatmates. 

[Michal__]

1 hour ago, Javfly33 said:

Nothing, basically. Just the 4 encounters I´ve had with them he just treats me with disrespect and aggresively.

For example last wednesday I was going down the stairs and he was going up. He started saying, "come on come on we don´t have all day" like I was supposed to get of the way

Yes you should go live somewhere else, I remember a similiar person and they end up getting more emotionally abusive over time. Dont waste your time trying to live with him please.

[Username]

You have two options:

1. Move out

2. Became his friend by making compliments and taking advices from him

I wouldn't talk to him about his behavior. If he can't see that you are both going to convince him to stop doing that. It takes too much time to help someone evolve.

[Harikrishnan]

Move out. It maybe hard to find a suitable space but in long run its worth it than to live lill scared or with anxieties 

[Globalcollective]

@Javfly33 yeah Ive been in similar situations, I once ended up living with the Russian mafia. I put some effort in making friends with the boss who was the crazy one and it got me out of a lot of potential violent situations with them. I even lent him like 20£ knowing he was not going to pay me back but I knew he would stay out my way incase I tired to ask for it back. Worked a charm ahah. 

Ive also had other similar situations. My advice would be try and make an effort to make friends with him, if that dose not work, learn to fight. MMA is prob the best gives you all the tools you need. Don't let him push you around, most tough people are generally very nice its the insecure people who can't fight that feel the need to act like that. Its really about not showing fear when you stand up for yourself. If he clearly is a maniac however then just move out and don't put yourself in danger. 

[universe]

Can you pinpoint the issue more precisely. I don't really get it. Are you living alone with him or are there others in the flat with you?

Of course if you don't feel good in your own home you should move out.

On the other hand, your next roommate might be the opposite and be very indirect, which can lead to passive-aggressive behaviour. I'd much prefer the direct guy over the other haha. Best way you find someone cool but that is not easy depending on the appartment market in your area.

[Opo]

 

This is him. If you can stay calm with him and have clear lines he will leave you alone. 

If you get emotional or can't enforce lines get out. 

[Opo]

3 hours ago, Keyhole said:

1. Confront him.  Ask him why.  Be calm, direct, with intention of stopping the behaviour.  Get into a calm, stable mindset, no emotions at all on your end.

2. Tell him this behaviour stresses you out and he needs to stop or you will take action in the future.

3. Get a few hidden cameras and or recorders if he gets worse, use this confrontation to decide if you need to do that.  Send them to the landlord and cops and then file a restraining order if he tries any shit and he will have to leave.

4. If you are afraid of him hurting you during confrontation, pepper spray.  Wear a hoodie with a front pocket so you look casual, but have it ready.

If he tries to hurt you, spray him, call the cops, call your landlord.

Oh god no. 

1. He doesn't know why, he is just reacting. 

2. Don't show that he gets to you. He will use it to hurt you later. 

3. This could get bad really fast.

If he finds cameras he could go into rage and seriously hurt you.

Cops won't care and even if you succeed he will try to get back at you. He is not a rational person, he will do something stupid don't risk it.

Just get out if it's that bad. 

4. Pepper spray doesn't work that well is a closed space against a bigger person. 

You might not even be able to use it if you're slow or if he recognizes what you're doing. 

Even if you use it if he is bigger he can rush you through it and if he gets a hold of you and you can't fight you're fucked. 

[Opo]

8 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

Maybe he does?

He isn't developed enough to introspect. He will just get paranoid and he'll think you are trying to trick him. 

10 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

Hmmmm, what about... Smoking a big fat bowl with him sometimes? Chill him out. Or just leave. I've moved away when roommates were too much, but with some I managed to get them out through being crazier.

This is hard for me. I can be with them for a while and stay present and i see that it heals them. But after a while I either disconnect or drop to their level. If I disconnect the conversation becomes pointless and I just try to leave. If I drop to their level conversation becomes negative, so if you can stay present and loving do it. 

[Rolo]

@Javfly33  sounds like a toxic enviorment, it might seem like something you can adjust to but over time the bullshit will wear off and you will eventually react to it. if you choose to stick around you can make a little experiment out of it and see how miserable this person can make you feel until you cant bare it anymore and just leave.

if you dont like your enviorment cange it, if not be happy with what you have got.

[Byun Sean]

if talking things out doesn't work I would move out asap

[Javfly33]

@Opo @Keyhole @Rolo @Globalcollective Thanks guys for the advices I didn´t expect this support and I have found of them quite interesting/helpful. Will update how thiss turns out. Anyway If I find a better flat on my own I´ll defientely move