Envy good looks

[arlin]

let's be real. I have always been insecure about my looks and i feel unattractive.

And i have gave up on having sex or finding a girl. 

Also, im tired of "Looks don't matter". Please stop and admit you are privileged and that's it.

Now, this is a thing i have to deal with but when it comes to envy specifically: When i see good looking guys on the street or online, i feel so much impotent rage and envy and i just want this to stop....

What can i do?
 

thanks.

[arlin]

29 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

But perhaps you are angry at good looking people not only because of their looks? Could it be that you are jealous because they've got an experience you don't have?

Yeah also. Also because of this...

Regarding people diminishing you about the way you look, i have had a girlfriend and she has been cruel regarding this point. I agree that she was insecure but i loved her. You don't have an idea of how much it hurts when your girl tells you that you are ugly and she doesn't want to have sex with you.

The anger i have i think it's huge because of the unfairness. I keep thinking that she is attracted to other guys, especially my good looking friends. I feel worthelss and like people don't see my beauty inside because of my face, and so much more. Can you relate? 

 

so far you have been giving good advice, you seem to know what you are talking about.

Thank you soo much

[mandyjw]

@arlin Confidence and your own self image profoundly affects other's perception of you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This isn't just cliche is psychology. If a girl says you're too ugly to sleep with it's because she's so insecure about her own looks, she thinks she can get the confidence and self love she wants by sleeping with someone who is very confident in how they look.  

Everyone has great features. Focus on them in yourself and others and forget the rest until you love yourself, everything else will profoundly change or stop mattering. It sounds too good to be true but if you're sincere in doing it, it really does work. 

[arlin]

@mandyjw Thank you very much you have given me great advice
 

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

It was a blessing in disguise that you got to see that part of her personality.

It is for you the opportunity to learn self-love and acceptation through that wound, and to realize that you don't want her as your partner.

You've dodged a bullet

It could be, yes

 

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

Partly yes. I have a few terribly good looking girlfriends. While I myself get a decent amount of attention, when they are around me they tend to attract more guys than I do 

Ye that really sucks...

 

1 hour ago, Etherial Cat said:

Also, I'm convinced that not being attractive to certain person can be strength to harness as it allows you to weed out whoever is wrong for you. I'm certainly unattractive to plenty of people, and that's okay because you should only be excited about the people who are excited about yourself. 

And by the way, you don't look ugly.

I hope this thing turns out good for me because im still wounded and need to do lots of work.

Btw i take that as a compliment even though i can't let it in, lol.

thanks  

[Sleyker]

3 hours ago, arlin said:

Also, im tired of "Looks don't matter". Please stop and admit you are privileged and that's it.

 

Dude, you're wrong. For starters you're actually good-looking. 

Secondly, girls don't care about your looks at all. You can see fat, ugly men with beautiful women, how is that possible?

What girls look for in a man is fucking balls, a nice and strong personality, they want you to be able to own every part of yourself and be proud of it. AND YOU SHOULD, because you're so unique that no one else in the world is like you!

When a man is unable to love himself and not give a fuck, it shows up in his subcommunication and that's what girls and everybody will judge him on.

[arlin]

@Sleyker Thank you for the incouragement.

But when you say fat ugly man, have you seen them? or is it just a story that you hear?

I agree with the love yourself part, it's very important.

6 minutes ago, Sleyker said:

it shows up in his subcommunication and that's what girls and everybody will judge him on.

That's completely ignoring the looks part tho.

 

an btw, this is just 1 photo. in reallity, i have a big nose

[Sleyker]

21 minutes ago, arlin said:

But when you say fat ugly man, have you seen them? or is it just a story that you hear?

 

Yes sir, my stepdad is pretty ugly, he is skinny and has a huge gap in his teeth, yet my mom fell for him.

A buddy of mine is fat but he has an incredibly beautiful girlfriend, very adorable girl. And it's all because of his personality and the energy he gives off, when he's in the room you know it and you respect him.

25 minutes ago, arlin said:

That's completely ignoring the looks part tho.

 

If you believe you are the hottest guy, your subcommunication will be sooo different that girls will notice you instantly.

[arlin]

3 minutes ago, Sleyker said:

Yes sir, my stepdad is pretty ugly, he is skinny and has a huge gap in his teeth, yet my mom fell for him.

So your mom has a kid with him? I have a step dad also

 

4 minutes ago, Sleyker said:

A buddy of mine is fat but he has an incredibly beautiful girlfriend, very adorable girl. And it's all because of his personality and the energy he gives off, when he's in the room you know it and you respect him.

I know this can be done.

4 minutes ago, Sleyker said:

If you believe you are the hottest guy, your subcommunication will be sooo different that girls will notice you instantly.

i think there is some truth to that, but let's not ignore the importance of looks please. Every girl will tell you they want an handsome man.

[Sleyker]

1 minute ago, arlin said:

So your mom has a kid with him? I have a step dad also

 

Not yet, lol

 

2 minutes ago, arlin said:

Every girl will tell you they want an handsome man.

Don't listen to what women tell you about what they want in a man. 

Watch this video, it was a game changer for me

There's so much stuff you can learn to become more attractive... It's amazing, such a deep rabbit hole. 

[arlin]

4 minutes ago, Sleyker said:

Not yet, lol

im sorry  but he seems like a provider...

 

btw i know the fearless man, great channel.

looks are major.

sorry

[Farnaby]

I think looking good makes it easier to be perceived as attractive. 

But looks are certainly not the most important part. Believing it's the most important part is a limiting belief that makes it harder to project confidence, be funny, spontaneous, etc., which is actually way more important when it comes to attracting people. 

We are very sensitive to vibes IME and women are probably even more sensitive to this. So if your vibe makes a woman feel good, secure, etc., It doesn't matter too much if you look good or not. 

[arlin]

2 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

But looks are certainly not the most important part. Believing it's the most important part is a limiting belief that makes it harder to project confidence, be funny, spontaneous, etc., which is actually way more important when it comes to attracting people. 

Being magnetic does not mean being physically attractive.

[Farnaby]

@arlin IMO attraction is attraction. 

Even if you want to think of this as separate from psychological attraction, what do you prefer, to be liked for your looks or for your attitude, charisma, etc.? 

 

[arlin]

@Farnaby Nobody wants to give up.

It is what i have done. Everybody will tell you looks don't matter. Yet on the streets all i see are good looking guys getting the attention. Why nobody will admit this? A whole lot of suffering for nothing.

I wish i could be liked for my personallity, but even the girls which i feel i have fun with don't respond on social media and i know why. On social media only good looks get attention.

What i will suggest you, is that if you are not good looking, if you are considered ugly you have to admit it and stop. It's what i did. 

My ex said to me over and over again i was ugly, she was insecure and she felt something for me. but did not have sex, the physical contact for her was absent, when i would kiss her she would back off. Her dad told her she can do better and guess what, she can so she left me. Nobody wants to stay with someone ugly, even if she likes you her friends and family will dissaprove of you.

I know i can be charismatic and magnetic and this can draw people in,  i never told that this is not relevant but when it comes to attraction, only the physical side matters. She told me clearly "Why can't i have a boyfriend with the same personallity  but good looking?" what does this mean? yes, it means she liked me inside, BUT she was not attracted to me. Even though she fell in love with me at the beginning.

Of course it matters also the phsycological, but if she wants you on top of her, she has to like your face.

 

[Farnaby]

I won't be the one to tell you that looks don't matter. 

But I still believe, based on my experience, that your physical appearance isn't as important as you think. 

I have met many people who were uglier than me and had a lot more success with women than I did. The reason was almost always their magnetic personality and good vibes.

My advice is to not generalize based on that shitty experience you had. 

[Arcangelo]

I am a good looking guy. Every good looking guy in the planet will tell you: -''Looks don't matter.''

That's the short version: Looks don't matter. But let me expand, looks don't matter in the sense that money, personality and having your shit together matters way waaaayyyyy more.

 

 

Arc

[soos_mite_ah]

The reason why people say "looks don't matter" even though they clearly have preferences when it comes to attractiveness and prioritize it when dating (whether consciously or unconsciously) is because what people find attractive is highly subjective. Looks matter when people are deciding who to date but what counts as good looks varies a lot from person to person. To be extremely blunt, there is 8 billion people in the world and many of them are into some strange things (strange from my perspective not strange in general). There is bound to be a portion of people to find you physically attractive.

2 hours ago, arlin said:

My ex said to me over and over again i was ugly, she was insecure and she felt something for me. but did not have sex, the physical contact for her was absent, when i would kiss her she would back off. Her dad told her she can do better and guess what, she can so she left me.

I feel like it's more difficult to deal with this when you're young because a lot of people when they are teens and young adults don't know themselves or what they do or don't like in a person and then just go off of looks. It's messed up and it show a lack of maturity and experience imo. Plus its not the only factor. Your ex sounds incredibly insecure and like an asshole (and kinda emotionally abusive). Pretty sure she gets it from her dad. Its not you, it's her. It's much easier said then done, especially since it happened over and over again, but try not to internalize it and generalize every future experience based on it. 

Also btw, you really aren't ugly. In fact, I thought you were kind of cute. You have amazing eyebrows. 

[Espaim]

It seems like you have a bunch of limiting beliefs and you're clinging to them despite people telling you otherwise.

How many approaches have you made in total? Online doesn't count!

Do you think every good looking guy has it easier than you? 

Do you think it's necessary to have a partner to feel happy?

Can you count how many men you know who are "ugly" and have partners?

[arlin]

On 27/8/2020 at 0:30 AM, Farnaby said:

My advice is to not generalize based on that shitty experience you had.

This is actually good advice, thank you

 

On 27/8/2020 at 2:22 AM, soos_mite_ah said:

I feel like it's more difficult to deal with this when you're young because a lot of people when they are teens and young adults don't know themselves or what they do or don't like in a person and then just go off of looks. It's messed up and it show a lack of maturity and experience imo. Plus its not the only factor. Your ex sounds incredibly insecure and like an asshole (and kinda emotionally abusive). Pretty sure she gets it from her dad. Its not you, it's her. It's much easier said then done, especially since it happened over and over again, but try not to internalize it and generalize every future experience based on it. 

I internalized it pretty fucking good. And yes, she was immature, she was abusive.

On 27/8/2020 at 2:22 AM, soos_mite_ah said:

Also btw, you really aren't ugly. In fact, I thought you were kind of cute. You have amazing eyebrows. 

It's hard to take in a compliment like this for me, but i thank you.

On 27/8/2020 at 3:45 PM, Espaim said:

How many approaches have you made in total? Online doesn't count!

Do you think every good looking guy has it easier than you? 

Do you think it's necessary to have a partner to feel happy?

Can you count how many men you know who are "ugly" and have partners?

 I made decent amount of approaches in total. 

Good looking guys can express themselves in photos and be admired for that. Im not even talking about sex yet. Just the fact that if im ugly it's hard for people to appreciate you, especially teens, because it's unpleasant to stare at you.

I think it's very important to have a partner and form connections. You might as well live on mars or in another planet alone if your mindset is that you dont need anybody. Connections are crucial in life and everybody knows that if you are confident, you get or did get good social feedback starting by your parents. And what best method to get good social feedback that if you are good looking.

I don't know ugly people that have partners yet.... If they do, they don't have an amazing sex life ...

[Farnaby]

9 minutes ago, arlin said:

don't know ugly people that have partners yet.... If they do, they don't have an amazing sex life ..

Again, this is a limiting belief. 

The quality of your sex life doesn't depend on how you look. It depends mainly on the connection you create during sex, feeling into your own and your partners body and letting go of inhibitions (such as the thought that only good looking people have amazing sex). 

It's good that you're accepting that one shitty experience doesn't = truth. This is a prerequisite to start working on letting go of that pain and opening the door to new experiences.

Are you willing to question the other limiting beliefs?