Obsession with a girl

[Kiko]

Hi guys,

I have very serios problem with very strong feelings towards a girl which we hang outed last two months in same friend circle.

I think she had some interest in me in the begining but things didnt worked out... 

I just cannot stop thinking about her i cant focus, i litteraly spend the most of my day thinking about her and  i am talking about obsession

The most hurful thing i believe is the though that she will never like me and i will never have a thing with her... its very painful and i deep down hope that one day we will get togheter.....

She is best friend of my best friend so its about time i see her again....

How to deal with that obsession and that painful thought 

[BjarkeT]

Have you expressed how you feel towards her to her?

I missed a girl for years and I told her about it recently now I don't think much about it anymore because I know she knows how I feel.

Edited August 26, 2020 by BjarkeT

[Kiko]

No, i havent confessed my feelings.

However she knows that i like her so even if i confess what would be the benefit of that..

[BjarkeT]

k I didn't know she already knew how you felt..

I just think If you are honest to her about where you want your relationship to go with her it might help making progress in the right direction.

Edited August 26, 2020 by BjarkeT

[Nahm]

On 8/26/2020 at 6:18 AM, Kiko said:

No, i havent confessed my feelings.

However she knows that i like her so even if i confess what would be the benefit of that..

The anticipatory anxiety & fear of rejection would no longer be there. You’d have some emotional growth from doing so, and you’d be more confident in the future having experienced the actuality and therefore realizing the suffering was the avoidance & suppressing of emotional expression, band aided by obsessing with the thought - not the girl. That would be a very healthy distinction for you to learn by experience. 

 

On 8/26/2020 at 5:36 AM, Kiko said:

very strong feelings towards

On the path side of things, that “towards” is quite important to recognize. The mind tends to hijack feeling, and paint a picture the love is coming from her. 

 

Do you have someone you could talk to in person about this? A family member, a friend? 

[Kiko]

8 hours ago, Nahm said:

The anticipatory anxiety & fear of rejection would no longer be there. You’d have some emotional growth from doing so, and you’d be more confident in the future having experienced the actuality and therefore realizing the suffering was the avoidance & suppressing of emotional expression, band aided by obsessing with the thought - not the girl. That would be a very healthy distinction for you to learn by experience. 

 

On the path side of things, that “towards” is quite important to recognize. The mind tends to hijack feeling, and paint a picture the love is coming from her. 

 

Do you have someone you could talk to in person about this? A family member, a friend? 

Hey,

First thank you for the comment i really appreciate..

Actually i have someone to talk about that, and that is her best friend also my best friend

What do you refer to expression my feelings to her, i already asked her out twice and she canceled it with excuses in the last minute, so its already clear that she is not interested.

 

Edited August 28, 2020 by Kiko

[Nahm]

On 8/26/2020 at 6:18 AM, Kiko said:

No, i havent confessed my feelings.

However she knows that i like her so even if i confess what would be the benefit of that..

Gotcha. Was going by this. 

[Javfly33]

 

I´ve been there. Ime, you need to take action if you don´t want to keep suffering and make this obsession something worse.

Ime, you will not be able to remain friends and have feeling for her. So just basically keep hanging out with her (with the intention of dating her, of course) until she literally says to you NO (Or YES, you could never know  ).

 But don´t just leave this "on hold". Because these things never end well if you do. 

Feel free to DM if you want more detailed advice.

Edited August 28, 2020 by Javfly33

[Kiko]

As i retrospecting my behavior and my attachment and obsessions with girls, i started realize that they almost have nothing to do with that, they are somehow like a trigger for repressed trauma.

As i am digging deeper and deeper in my mind i realized that i dont feel enough and i am constantly  seeking validation from others.  I am constantly running away from something i am introvert by nature but i dont like being with my self for long i am the happiest when i am around people.

Back in 2012 i had trauma related with my OCD and i still havent figured out that problem and this shit keep ruining my life.

Long story short: One guy  who wasnt very good looking touched me and my mind told me that from this day i will never have succes with girls and in general and i will become ugly like him.  Since then i really dont have succes with girls and i really became uglier.

I know it sounds crazy but this is what really happened i have suicadal thoughts every day, havent visited therapist because i think it wont help me.

 

Edited August 29, 2020 by Kiko

[Nahm]

@Kiko

That is mastery my man. What a breakthrough. Keep going, and keep letting go of what doesn’t resonate. Never give up. You Will win with this, period. Nothing less will do. I completely absolutely believe in you. 

You’re right on. You distanced from the love you are, and are therefore trying to get it from others, and finding this doesn’t pan out. What ultimately works is releasing the misunderstanding & emotion suppressed. Your bravely & willingness to address this, your determination not to settle - very impressive. That’s the God within. That’s Love. You are what GOOD is. Absolutely. Unarguable. Undeniable. This is why those beliefs about yourself do not feel good. The beliefs are about you not being Good. And you are Good. So some beliefs, like those, will never jive. 

Expression is key. Recognize how you feel and express it thoroughly. 

Google how to use the emotional scale if you want to do some healing, expressing, & understanding work. 

Avoidance of this is the thoughts of suicide, negative thoughts about yourself, that the past defines you, that you are the body, etc. These are all the mind trying to make some sense of the suppression of feeling. Let the thoughts come & go, keep relaxing the body head to toe over & over, keep returning focus to relaxed breathing from the stomach. All of the suppression will unsuppress, it will indeed suck to experience, but it will leave the body for good and you will experience clarity, insight & understanding at a level you never thought possible. All of it. It is the grabbing onto thought stories about me, past, future, others, which suppresses & prevents release & expression. 

Nobody processes your karma for you but Love. When you’re ready, love washes it all out. 

Likewise, what he did is his karma. It’s his demon to bare, not yours. 

It’s not your fault. It is absolutely no reflection of you. It says nothing about who you really are. Nothing. 

Visit a therapist. Don’t size it up without even experiencing it. Go there and dump every bit of the emotion you’ve been carrying on em. Empty both barrels. “Wash yourself of yourself”. Shed that skin of old and leave it on their floor. 

There are lots of people too afraid to inspect and release like you are. So after you clear out and come to know this love, considering sharing it, so others can be encouraged and know ourself too. 

God bless. Wishing you love & healing. Very impressed with your work In such a short time. You might be spiritually gifted, and sensitive. Lucky in that regard. ?? 

 

[Kiko]

On 8/29/2020 at 5:42 PM, Nahm said:

@Kiko

That is mastery my man. What a breakthrough. Keep going, and keep letting go of what doesn’t resonate. Never give up. You Will win with this, period. Nothing less will do. I completely absolutely believe in you. 

You’re right on. You distanced from the love you are, and are therefore trying to get it from others, and finding this doesn’t pan out. What ultimately works is releasing the misunderstanding & emotion suppressed. Your bravely & willingness to address this, your determination not to settle - very impressive. That’s the God within. That’s Love. You are what GOOD is. Absolutely. Unarguable. Undeniable. This is why those beliefs about yourself do not feel good. The beliefs are about you not being Good. And you are Good. So some beliefs, like those, will never jive. 

Expression is key. Recognize how you feel and express it thoroughly. 

Google how to use the emotional scale if you want to do some healing, expressing, & understanding work. 

Avoidance of this is the thoughts of suicide, negative thoughts about yourself, that the past defines you, that you are the body, etc. These are all the mind trying to make some sense of the suppression of feeling. Let the thoughts come & go, keep relaxing the body head to toe over & over, keep returning focus to relaxed breathing from the stomach. All of the suppression will unsuppress, it will indeed suck to experience, but it will leave the body for good and you will experience clarity, insight & understanding at a level you never thought possible. All of it. It is the grabbing onto thought stories about me, past, future, others, which suppresses & prevents release & expression. 

Nobody processes your karma for you but Love. When you’re ready, love washes it all out. 

Likewise, what he did is his karma. It’s his demon to bare, not yours. 

It’s not your fault. It is absolutely no reflection of you. It says nothing about who you really are. Nothing. 

Visit a therapist. Don’t size it up without even experiencing it. Go there and dump every bit of the emotion you’ve been carrying on em. Empty both barrels. “Wash yourself of yourself”. Shed that skin of old and leave it on their floor. 

There are lots of people too afraid to inspect and release like you are. So after you clear out and come to know this love, considering sharing it, so others can be encouraged and know ourself too. 

God bless. Wishing you love & healing. Very impressed with your work In such a short time. You might be spiritually gifted, and sensitive. Lucky in that regard. ?? 

 

Hey thank you for your support i really appreaciated it..

 

I started crying while i was reading your comment...

[Nahm]

@Kiko

Doubling down.

??

?? Not always easy to see, but always there for us.