Style vs. Substance

[EternalForest]

Has anyone noticed how many people complain about lack of substance in their relationships?

People are usually attracted to someone's style first (looks, charm, way of talking, etc.). But style is shallow by nature and once they are a year or two into the relationship any lack of substance is going to come to the surface.

Now not to say you can't make a connection with someone based on their style, but in my opinion it's substance that truly holds any relationship together. That's why I often notice friendships are the strongest kinds of relationships out there because those are often the most substance based. Any thoughts on this concept?

Edit: I wanted to add that, style is not necessarily "shallow", it just obviously runs a lot less deep than substance. But there's style in substance and substance in style in a way. Fashion is an artform. Speaking is also an artform.

Edited August 28, 2020 by EternalForest

[Moon]

Yess!!

I call the non-looks part of style "outer personality" and it is indeed surface level. It's why women can fall in love with sociopaths who have a charming outer personality but end up being abusive ?

You're right, style is for initial attraction and substance keeps the relationship going.

IMO that's why people should look deeper into the substance early on in meeting people before they get too attached to the style.

 

[mandyjw]

Substance is the wiser thing to seek and put more weight on, but it is also not wise to ever completely let go of style. The expectation of it maybe, but not the fun.

All the world's a stage. 

[soos_mite_ah]

Substance is definitely more important but I wouldn't necessarily say that judging based on style is shallow. It is not the most accurate in the long run but when you're first getting to know someone (mainly in the first couple months or so) it can sometimes be difficult to distinguish between the two because you're dealing with a lack of information. 

Substance takes some time to get a feel for because it has to do with patterns over time while style is something taken at face value. The conflict happens because attraction is something that often is instantaneous so it's going to naturally favor style over substance. 

[EternalForest]

@soos_mite_ah You're right, style is necessary with the way that we meet people. That's why I find the text only dating apps so fascinating.