Understanding the Self: Notes from Class

[soos_mite_ah]

Overview

I'm currently taking a course in college called Understanding the Self: East and West. This course discusses the nature of consciousness as it is understood through religion and psychology in a cross cultural perspective. My professor has spent 25 years studying consciousness and meditating regularly so I'm interested to see what his perspectives are and how he is going to present this material in an academic setting. I'm super excited about this class this semester and I'm dedicating an entire journal online for it since I find the subject matter pretty applicable to this forum. 

So far this is what I'm working with and what I'll discuss in this journal: 

• I have a couple essays where I have to write about my perception of myself.  The first is in the beginning of the semester and the last is at the end.  
• I have some reading for this class so I'm probably going to write my reflections here about them
• I'm also going to be noting down any key insights or reactions I have during lecture
• My professor also recommended we start a habit of meditating and even decided to give us class time towards the middle of the semester to do so 
• And I'm also supposed to be keeping a dream journal for talking about the subconscious mind in class discussions

Lets see how this semester goes 

Edited August 26, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[Zigzag Idiot]

@soos_mite_ah  That looks like a fun course.

When I read your post, I immediately thought of chapter 8 of Chance and Choice titled 

Global Consciousness. Here's a link in case your interested-

http://www.chanceandchoice.com/course-overview/global-consciousness/

[soos_mite_ah]

The Reading Material For This Course

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment- Eckhart Tolle

The Road Less Traveled, Timeless Edition: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth-  M. Scott Peck

Extraordinary Knowing: Science, Skepticism, and the Inexplicable Powers of the Human Mind-  Elizabeth Lloyd Mayer

INTRODUCTION TO TANTRA (edited by Johnathan Landaw)

Bhagavad Gita

 

[soos_mite_ah]

@Zigzag Idiot Thank you so much it sounds really intriguing. Will definitely check it out

[Applegarden]

15 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Bhagavad Gita

Nice, i am trying to finally start reading that and other hindu scriptures aswell.

[soos_mite_ah]

Dream Journal 8/27

Got drinks with some guy I liked in NYC . We then got an expensive dinner on some boat. We were apparently old friends but I didn't know who he was. We were catching up. 

Came back to my home town. There were some girls I recognized who were blasting the City Girls. Me and my friend group just laughed and started reminiscing. 

Went to the state fair but it was set up more like a carnival with a few of my old friends. We ate a bunch of food and played some carnival games. We won this game that was a team effort. The guy I liked told me he thought I am beautiful and gave me some macaroons. I was flattered but I didn't feel the same way. I liked him once but not anymore since we lacked anything in common anymore. The city has expanded and is much larger and much more populated because the highways were super packed. 

 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

Question to Contemplate for the "Who Am I Essay" 

I'm basically going to let this simmer in my mind. I want to be careful and intentional with what I come up with because I have only four pages I can write (double spaced). I'm guessing he wants this essay to be succinct and focused so we don't beat around the bush when it comes to our identities. These questions were basically a starting point suggested from my professor. Since there are a lot of them, I went ahead and bolded the ones I find myself drawn to. 

• What key experiences have defined who I am?
• Do I have different components? Levels? What are they?
• What is my vision of who I would like to become in the future?
• What is the goal of human existence?
• What is an “ideal” human being?
• What is the deepest longing that I have in my life?
• Am I the same person now that I was ten years ago? One minute ago? Why or why not?
• What is the essence of who I am or do I even have an essence/core?
• What gives my life joy? Meaning? Why?
• What do I hide from others? From myself? Why?
• Am I free from my past experiences and background or defined by them? How so?
• What will happen to “me” after my death? (Best guesses)
• What is my connection (if any) to God or whatever I consider to be of ultimate importance?

Edited August 27, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

First Class: Notes 

So in this entry, I'm going to be jotting down my notes I took in class. I'm going to meditate on this and then post my reactions later on because there is just so much to soak up. It's isn't so much in the sense there is a lot of content but so much in the sense that the few things I heard takes some time to really sink in to the psyche.

"Your consciousness is located in your reality and it creates your reality."

• consciousness is not limited to your brain-> your reality is within your consciousness
• thought is a form of consciousness itself 
• What are the distinctions of subjective and objective reality? 
  • we like to see the external as something out there and separate from us but what if your external world and internal world are one and the same? 
    • our external experiences have impacted out internal sense of self
    • My additional thoughts: our internal sense of self shapes out perspective of external experiences and how we interact with those experiences therefore our internal selves become our external reality. (law of attraction, psychology etc.) 
      • Who you are flows into your external reality
    • "Of course it is happening inside your head but why on earth should that mean it's not real?"- Dumbledore 

"There is a deep part of us we aren't aware of even though it is part of awareness itself." 

• What is God?: God is consciousness
  • Idealism: everything is made of consciousness
  • idea is also preset in many Eastern traditions 
    • west: we all live in out own worlds, out own reality 
      • cognitive psych: out brain chemistry makes our reality-> what is that made of-> materialism says atom and molecules don't have consciousness-> then what makes the mind? We can't quantify it but we know its real -> We can't make sense of reality through materialism-> examine thoughts and feelings-> "I think, therefore, I am" (Descartes) 
        • Problem with Materialism/ "Hard Problem"
    • east: there is one consciousness that flows through all of us, making a consistent reality 
      • avoids the "hard problem"
      • I also thought of nonduality

William James: father of psych, professor at Harvard, brother of Henry James, gave first psych class, American philosopher

• stream of consciousness 
  • Our experiences and lives have continuity. It's like a stream
    • There was no time where we broke off and stopped being ourselves (gradual changes, flowing changes, again think of a stream)
  • introspection as a tool to observe consciousness-> Meditation
  • "we are always present but the present is always changing" 
    • We are always changing 
    • the present is all there is (reminds me of the notion of how both the past and future are imaginary) 
• Distinction between knower and the known
  • If you're your experiences, then who is the one experiencing? 
    • How do you know the knower? 
      • without the knower we don't know anything 
        • without consciousness, we don't know anything if the knower is consciousness itself
        • "Consciousness is the purest form of the knower. The knower is the purest form of consciousness" 
          • it is not an it: once you put a label to it, it becomes something outside of you > very self evident, but also very elusive

 

Ok so I'm done for today. I'm going to be right back and have an existential crisis lol 

[soos_mite_ah]

@Etherial Cat AHHHHHHHH ?????

Edited August 28, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

Dream Journal 8/28 

I had a number of dreams last night since I didn't sleep well. I woke up a couple times and then fell back asleep. My dreams have been extra weird lately and I've been thinking about making a dream journal for the last few weeks because honestly, wtf is going on in my subconscious mind. I'm glad this class gave me the impetus to start

1. Had a dream that my mom woke me up mid day because apparently I fell asleep meditating. I freaked out because I have things that I need to do the next day. Then I actually woke up and saw the clock said 2:36 am. Relieved, I went back to sleep 
2. This dream is basically a humpty dumpty story. There is some guy who had a part of his missing because he had a great fall but for some reason his head (and for all I know his body) was made of cake. One other person and I baked a chocolate cake to cover for the missing pieces and then used Oreos for the skull. This guy woke up and was perfectly fine afterwards. This made absolutely no sense and I was confused throughout the entire dream and now that I'm writing this out, it feels even stranger. 
3. I was studying for some exam in my uncle's house. He has Fox news on in the living room as he always does. Ron Paul won't shut up about something dumb and completely irrelevant. My uncle starts talking about how schools should be defunded. I know at this point that arguing with him or saying anything to him literally does nothing and is essentially like talking to a brick wall so I put my headphones in. I start blasting American Idiot by Green Day. 
4.  I am shopping for a eye shadow palette. I don't know why because I don't even wear makeup like that. For some reason this makeup store only sells palettes and nothing else and the palettes are arranged like records in a record shop. You can't sample anything either. I'm going through this one section of palettes and then I feel some guy whom I don't know directly behind me almost touching me. I'm just like "hey wtf why are you so close idk you."  He says nothing and goes back to his group of friends who are beside me not too far off.  This friend group consisted of 3 girls and 2 other guys. Anyway, I don't find what I want and I leave the store. 

[soos_mite_ah]

"Who Am I" Contemplation Part 1

I'm going to be writing my brainstorming sessions to the previous questions relating to the "Who Am I" essay. Idk how many parts there will be but stay tuned 

• Do I have different components? Levels? What are they?
• Am I the same person now that I was ten years ago? One minute ago? Why or why not?
• What is the essence of who I am or do I even have an essence/core?
• Am I free from my past experiences and background or defined by them? How so?

I would say yes I do have different levels. Most of these levels consist of my ego. The first level is my external appearance which includes my body, the way I carry myself, and where I choose to be and hang out (whether it is my room, my favorite coffee shop, the religion class and the university I chose ) etc. These are things and places people can draw conclusions from their first impressions whether it is how I look or where they find me.  Many of these have some type of component of agency. I choose the way I do my hair, the way I do my makeup, the clothes I wear, how I speak and interact with others, and where I choose to be. They are prone to change and therefore fluid.  

The second level is my experiences. This includes my thoughts, my feelings, and the things that I do. Unlike the first level, the second level is less tangible. It informs much of my personality since it is easy to create a persona through past experiences and conditioning. Normally when getting to know someone on a more personal level I would discuss my thoughts, feelings, and things I do in order to open up and connect to others. I naturally cling to my past experiences since the second level of who I am clings to it. But I'm not defined by my previous experiences because experiences are fleeting and therefore fluid. 

The third level is my personality. Even though my thoughts, feelings, and things I do are things that people can connect to me with, there is still a lingering question, who is thinking, feeling, and experiencing these things? People get an essence off of the way people present their experience and connect to that in addition to connecting to the subject matter. This essence is even less tangible than experiences, or the second level. I do not have the same persona I was 10 years ago or 10 minutes ago. Sure some aspects of my persona may be more constant than others but it has more to do with to what extent I identify with or assign additional meaning and significance to an event or personality change. I wouldn't cite my personality as my deepest level is because it too is fluid.

These three levels are merely the outer shell of who I truly am or my ego. They are not the core because of how they are prone to change. I can change my clothes and I'm still me. I can change the way I think through my education and I'm still me. I can explore different sides to my personality and I'm still me. No matter how I change, no matter what circumstance I'm in there I am. I also characterize all of these as a part of my ego because of the ownership that is involved in it. My clothes, my feelings, my personality, my deeds. I can't be defined by what I own, because then, who's owning these things? Who is doing all of this?  

This brings me to the last and final level, the level I would describe as my core. This level is what I call the self. The self consists of this consciousness itself. Being conscious in my life, whether I am in the state of doing and I'm living through my ego or whether I'm in a state of being in meditation, is the only thing that is constant. This level is the least tangible out of the previous levels. Nevertheless, ironically, it is the most solidified level since consciousness is constant while the other three levels are fluid and prone to change. I'm not the action or doing, I'm the being who is doing the action or doing. I'm the consciousness.

Edited August 28, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

Dream Journal 8/31

I bought some new clothes at zara and after one wash they are completely torn. That was disappointing and kind of annoying. Also I dropped my phone and it got cracked pretty badly despite it having a case.

I went to some beach party. It was fun but I was getting bored. I decided to head back into my hotel room. There was the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. There is also this large boat up in the distance. Suddenly, one of the sails of the boat catches fire. The sky, the setting, everything was washed with a hue of orange. There is a restaurant that is rather far from the boat but really close to where I was walking. That also caught fire. I assumed my parents were worried so I began running to my hotel room. I entered and ran through a strip club so that I can get to where I want to go faster. Everyone there is calm for some reason and they look like they are carrying on like usual. I get to the front door just exciting the club. The cops show up. There is like an entire swat team running around everywhere. Then I head a round of bullets. Some people got shot. This felt like a war zone. I took cover and played dead and for some reason i'm not panicked at all by this. 

Next thing I know I get to my house. For some reason the house is at the beach even though I don't live near a beach. The sun isn't setting anymore, instead it's noon. I'm chilling in my car near my house watching youtube videos and then I hear moans from a few cars over and realize there are complete strangers just having sex there. I turn my earphones on louder. And for some reason the phone didn't have cracks. 

Also I know this sounds like an absolute nightmare but it didn't scare me in the slightest. I had this "oh god not another thing" feeling of inconvenience but there wasn't a moment where I was panicked. It just felt like a strange chaotic mess. 

(I also remember seeing a tweet a while back saying something along the lines of "have you noticed that even though you're always on your phone it never shows up in your dreams?" and I was like yeah wtf. After typing this out, I think that this is the first time I ever saw my phone in my dreams) 

Edited August 31, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

The Road Less Traveled     Part 1: Discipline   1.1

I read part 1 of The Road Less Traveled. I am putting some quotes here as well as what I got from them. I'm thinking of approaching this book along side revisiting Leo's videos. They seem to complement really nicely. These notes are getting kind of long so i'm going to split this into multiple parts 

"Once we truly see the truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult- once we truly understand and accept it- then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."

• This quote reminds of me resistance when it comes to the law of attraction. In order to manifest and heal, sometimes it helps to let go. If we cling too hard to something, we also cling to the notion and insecurity of not having the thing in question. If we let go of the notion that "life should be easy" we can accept the difficulties in life with ease.  

"Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them?" 

• Accept it and find joy in solving. Take the responsibility to distinguish what you do and don't want to suffer for. 
• "Yet it is in this whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has its meaning." "Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom."
  • See problems as growing opportunities. We want to avoid them because confronting problems bring pain but by avoiding pain, we also end up avoiding our potential. Don't ignore problems, grow from them
    • I also thought of Leo's video on life advice for young people where he discusses the importance of being present in life and to deal with problems and experiences head on because this consciousness is here to experience reality in the first place 
• "This tendency to avoid problems and the emotional suffering inherent in them is the primary basis of all human mental illness." 
  • Avoidance makes things worse 
  • Resistance/ Distraction gives way to neurosis
    • When we distract ourselves, we open ourselves up to suffering. Pain is the initial feeling of discomfort, suffering is the secondary story we add on to it. Say you went through a painful break up and started drinking to cope. Well now you have 2 problems. First is the pain that comes from the break up and the second is the suffering that comes from drinking to avoid dealing with the first problem.
    • See Distraction, the ego's favorite defense mechanism 
    • See Self Deception Part 1,2,3 

"Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with."

• Thought of the life purpose course and how we need to take responsibility on what we want to suffer for so that we can suffer on our own terms. What are you willing to suffer for? 

"More often than not, these children are punished frequently and severely throughout their childhood- slapped, punched, kicked, beaten and whipped by their parents for even minor infractions. But this discipline is meaningless. Because it is undisciplined discipline." 

• This reminded me of how my parents pushed me too hard growing up in school. I there lies the reason why I procrastinate on work. I was pushed to hard and as a coping mechanism I try to avoid and take as many breaks as possible. 
• This section talked about how there needs to be love in discipline because without love, we see discipline as pain and therefore want to avoid structure and actual discipline in our lives, therefore leading us into chaos. 
• Talked about how to love you need to give discipline and attention to children by observing them to understand what they truly need. Also talked about the concept of being there for your kids because when you're there for them and suffer with them, they learn that suffering isn't too bad and they will want to take responsibility. Undisciplined discipline comes from parents who didn't bother to take the discipline of being there for their kids and observing what the kid actually needs.  
• Discipline comes from a place of feeling values (if your time has value, you won't want to procrastinate for instance)
• Children adapt to what their parents are doing because they want to survive. Abandonment is the worst thing that can happen because they are dependent. When you send the message of conditional love, you are threatening abandonment. You are making them feel unworthy. 

"Problems don't go away. They must be worked through or else they remain, forever a barrier to the growth and development of the spirit."

• This section talked about how often times people don't take the time to learn in order to solve problems. They want a quick way out of suffering. 
• Made me think of avoidance, distractions, and instant gratification all because we want to avoid pain 
• "What we resist, persists"- If we don't accept and confront our problems they will still be there. 
• Touches on this notion that "kids grow out of their problems" is an excuse from parents to avoid responsibility for teaching the kid right from wrong
• Also touches on victim mentality. Reminded me of Leo's video on taking 100% responsibility
  • Speaking of responsibility, the book discusses how it's easy for kids to internalize problems and how that isn't the same as taking responsibility. 
    • Responsibility and knowing how to respond accordingly is about taking the power back so you can create agency for yourself to create change. It's the gateway to empowerment, not something that will beat you down. Fault on the other hand points fingers and is rooted in ego, even if you point the finger and blame yourself. I would recommend keeping this in mind because seeing responsibility as a way of putting the blame on yourself is the number one thing that deters people from wanting actually take responsibility and feel better

Edited August 31, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

Dream Journal 9/1 

For some reason it's the same year but I'm 10 years old again. I am back to my chubby awkward self with short hair and glasses. My dad seems annoyed at my mom for some reason and then tells me to bring all of the Andriod chargers to him while he and my mom wait in the car. I go around the house looking for all 5 of them. When I get to the 5th one, I reach for it and then my alarm clock woke me up. 

[soos_mite_ah]

Notes: 9/1

William James splits the "I" and the "me" 

• "Me": Empirical self 
  • Level 1: material self- body, race, job, what you own, external appearances etc
    • Your selfhood extends out to the physical world, it's not just the body. Think of the way you keep your environment, how you materially choose to present yourself etc.  
  • Level 2: social self- how we interact with others (perceptions of self and other bounce off each other between people), roles, labels, self image
    • We are not the same depending on our circumstance. Think of the different parts of yourself and how they conflict considering your surroundings. 
  • Level 3: spiritual self- not physical/mental, thoughts, feelings, memories, will (power of choice) -> choose where we put our attention and choose meanings and interpretations we assign to things
• Knowledge by experience: immediate, direct, undoubtable (empiric)
• Knowledge by acquaintance: theory from others, linguistic, comes from culture
  •  most of this is preconscious: as a child you are programmed with stuff before you are emotionally and cognitively ready to take things in and evaluate them critically.
  • These two terms reminds me of how Leo discusses science as something that is just as beliefs based as religion because you are learning about theories rather than going out and seeing things for yourself. 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

Dream Journal 9/6

I am entering this late because I wrote it down on my phone and forgot to immediately transfer it over to my computer. Also, I haven't been recording dreams in the last few days because my dreams lately have been so incoherent and so forgettable that I just didn't know what to write. 

I go to a large city all by myself. For some reason there is no traffic and all of the roads go up and down a bunch of hills. There is this Disney world that also has elements of Avatar the Last Airbender there (even thought that show is with Nickolodean). I then ran into a bunch of people i know. We hand around there and go to a few fun houses. Then we went to a museum not too far a way. Then night falls and we both decide to travel together to the country side. We began driving and eventually we take out our bikes. We then rode those bikes on the dirt road. Despite only about an hour passing since we started riding our bikes, the sun began to rise. The sky was painted with orange and shades of purple. And for some reason I saw four moons in the sky together. The two on the outside were full moons while the two on the inside were crescent moons. I stopped to admire how beautiful the sight was. There are also a bunch of strangers that were on the road riding along with me was well. One guy said that he is about to get married and has a 3 year old daughter. There was also a teenage girl with her boyfriend. We all discussed our lives and our stories together and gave each other advice.

[soos_mite_ah]

Dream Journal 9/8 

I was playing with three 3-week-old puppies. They were fluffy, adorable, and with only the intention to play. One kept jumping on me, on cuddled next to me, and one was running circles around me. My grandmother was there and for some reason was terrified of them even though they were completely harmless. I woke up from this pleasant dream wanting to go back to sleep so I could go back to that place.

I took a nap later today. During this time I had a dream where I was at the Walmart parking lot. I have a class that I need to go to and for some reason I need to go to the Starbucks for wifi. The parking lot was packed. I began backing up my car and I see a car directly behind me appear out of nowhere. I would have hit it but for some reason that never happened. It physically didn't make sense. Then I went to the Starbucks. There was a lot of traffic and it took forever to get there. Normally it takes 10 minutes to get from the Walmart to the Starbucks but this trip took 40 minutes. I still made it in time so that was good. And then I woke up.  

[soos_mite_ah]

Dream Journal Reflection 

Before creating my dream journal, I had some doubts. I thought I don't get dreams most of the time I go to sleep. But as soon as I set the intention, I did start seeing things, even though many of the events in my dreams are so incoherent that I can't really put it into words. Maybe its because I began noting it down as soon as I woke up? I know there is the notion that everyone dreams but most people forget within seconds of waking up. Maybe its the law of attraction at play because I actually tried to note down my dreams instead of forgetting about it like I normally do. This all reminds me of how my professor told our class "the subconscious mind is willing to tell you things if you bother to let it know that you're open to listening" when we were talking about the dream journals. 

I also noticed patterns in my dreams. A lot of the content has to do with things that I encountered in my daily life all mushed together in  a setting that doesn't always make sense. And the things that my dreams choose are often (but not always) the least relevant part of my day. 

4 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I was playing with three 3-week-old puppies. They were fluffy, adorable, and with only the intention to play. One kept jumping on me, on cuddled next to me, and one was running circles around me. My grandmother was there and for some reason was terrified of them even though they were completely harmless. I woke up from this pleasant dream wanting to go back to sleep so I could go back to that place.

Yesterday I did watch a couple of pet videos on YouTube. I didn't watch it for long, maybe for max 5 minutes. I also mentioned my grandmother in a passing conversation and thought about her for a minute. 

4 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I took a nap later today. During this time I had a dream where I was at the Walmart parking lot. I have a class that I need to go to and for some reason I need to go to the Starbucks for wifi. The parking lot was packed. I began backing up my car and I see a car directly behind me appear out of nowhere. I would have hit it but for some reason that never happened. It physically didn't make sense. Then I went to the Starbucks. There was a lot of traffic and it took forever to get there. Normally it takes 10 minutes to get from the Walmart to the Starbucks but this trip took 40 minutes. I still made it in time so that was good. And then I woke up.  

I reminded my mom how we need to get a couple things from Walmart sometime in the last week. I read an article a couple weeks ago of how there are kids who don't have access to internet so because of online schools, they are parked outside of places like Starbucks. As far as getting to class, I think that was to serve as a cue to wake up and go to class. I took this nap right before one of my classes.  

The same things can be applied to my other dreams as well though it's difficult to draw the same conclusions since both the dreams and the innocuous details of my day to day life aren't as fresh in my memory. 

If there is anything I learned is that the subconscious mind is taking everything in even if you don't recall what is happening. The memory filters through that information and has you remember what is most crucial for your survival and your ego. Those are the ones that remain conscious. As far as repetition goes, if we encounter things time and time again, such as reading a chapter in a textbook multiple times, the mind interprets this as important. The rest of the information, the stuff that the mind takes in but we don't consciously recall goes to the subconscious which then sometimes resurfaces in dreams. Because we don't know what the subconscious mind will and won't take in, it's important to maintain healthy surroundings that send constructive messages of peace and love to have pleasant dreams rather than something dysfunctional because those things can in turn scare the shit out of us in our sleep. 

[soos_mite_ah]

Dream Journal 9/10 

I had a dream where I was a heart surgeon. It felt strangely natural even though in real life I'm horrible at science and I'm even worse with dealing with blood and people's physical insides. I just did what I needed to do all by myself and then the dream ended. 

Another dream I had was playing dodge ball in middle school. And for once I wasn't losing hahaha.