The 'm' Word!

[Rita]

as much as my marriage can suck.....

• it's still a marker of maturity/stability in life
• it's still better than the alternatives (be single, or be together and not married) IMO
• if done correctly, you will be stronger together than you'd be separate (whole is greater than it's parts....)

here is how i look at it: i have an 50/50 equity partner in our household.  

and our household is an enterprise....a business.  we both have good careers and our wealth grows exponentially because of the dual income. we divide and conquer according to our strengths.  No matter who you shack-up with, you still have to deal with life (taxes, insurance, investments, etc).  so my advice to all girls: choose who'd be the best partner to navigate a ship with.  Can you divvy up tasks, communicate, and co-operate?

if it sounds like it's all business....it's because it is...but that is what MARRIAGE is.

[Toasty]

On 2/9/2016 at 2:51 AM, Navyissuedwife said:

I never thought I would be this way but I am surely an advocate for just saying no to marriage. You can live with someone and be with someone and not go thru with a marriage like process. As long as that person is on the right understanding, and understands boundaries!! So IMPORTANT to understand and establish boundaries in all of your relationships!! 

I've been married for 10 years.  And my marriage sounded simarliar to yours. Sounds like your hubby is insecure. Leo has a good video on how to be attractive. In that video holds the key. My marriage is alot better now as both of us have grown. Kids from married parents are usually more successful However is better to come from a broken home than to live in a broken home

[Saarah]

On 18 February 2016 at 6:00 PM, Moon said:

I'm an 18 year old girl living in a Muslim family too! I've not had marriage mentioned by parents yet though thankfully  

Thankfully my parents haven't either it was one of my aunties, they've all been brought up with that mindset really so I just try not to let it piss me off lol! 

[abrakamowse]

I'm married

The great thing about marriage IMO is kids. I had some differences with my wife, but I learnt a lot leading with our problems and now I know she's the woman I want to be with, but if things goes bad we continue our own path. 

I really have to say that she was very supportive in moments I was very bad (depression).

Edited February 19, 2016 by abrakamowse

[FindingPeace]

I can relate to this topic. I've come to question not only my relationship with my wife, but my whole outlook on relationships in general. Chimpery...that's what it is. I find it hard to imagine what sort of relationship or marriage two actualized people would have. As for an actualized and a non-actualize....how would that work?

Good topic. I think many will start to have these questions as they climb the rungs of personal-development.

[Phocus]

@Navyissuedwife I also married fairly young, 24.  Divorced at 28.  Our son was 8 months when I initiated the divorce.  I had less than no idea what I was doing in life and our relationship was horribly dysfunctional.  We had absolutely no business getting married or having kids.  And I met my ex-wife in the Navy while we were deployed to the middle east

I don't think that divorce is necessarily the answer but... he needs to learn how to be a man.  I don't really know a nice way to say it.  He should be the leader in your relationship.   I don't mean that in a sexist way, but simply that he should have a sense of purpose.  He is compelled to pursue something passionately and you guys are together to support one another in accomplishing your shared and individual goals.  When he is calling you all the time and all of that stuff, he's acting extremely feminine which absolutely crushes even the possibility for you to be attracted to him because he is acting like a woman, and you are attracted to men.

Mechanistically, there is nothing stopping him from developing himself (develop a sense of purpose, be independent, passionate, confident, ect..).  Unfortunately, major long-term change usually won't happen without some sort of major life event (divorce) that requires it.  You probably hear it all the time but... people don't change.  I know that I am a completely different person now that I've had a few years to be single and have sought out my own path.