Empty Social Life At Home

[Ross]

I recently have come to the epiphany that I really need to find some friends in my home town. 

Long story short I had been seriously bullied at my school where my hometown is so I missed out a lot on parties and stuff, so I did not get to make any friends. Now that I am in college I have made a good amount of friends, but they are all away for now and it's the holidays. It's not that I don't know how to make friends it's just that I don't know where to meet people my age in my hometown and I am suffering because of this. I am really panicking out because I fell like these days will pass by and I have done nothing in these fun years. I really want to be friends with the people I like to be around but they are not available. And my  former school peers will never accept me into their group, no matter how much I have changed.

Any advice?

 

[Leo Gura]

Go to bars & clubs, meetup.com, Toastmasters, and other groups/organizations.

It's easiest to make friends when there is a common theme or interest, like if you get involved in golf, bowling, tennis, soccer, public speaking, meeting girls, church, meditation, yoga, chess, hiking, fishing, etc.

[FindingPeace]

11 hours ago, Ross said:

it's just that I don't know where to meet people my age in my hometown and I am suffering because of this.

You are actually suffering because you are not comfortable with your own company and solitude. Friendships can be enjoyable and fulfilling but they can also be a distraction from a fundamental emptiness that you feel inside. Having friends will mask this emptiness to an extent but it will bring with it a whole other myriad of suffering. Friendships are not permanent or reliable. They come and go. People like you and dislike you. People will come to you and leave you. Cultivating friendships will no solve the underlying feeling of discomfort that you have with solitude and ultimately will invoke other sources of insecurity. If a friendship starts to fall apart you will feel the anxiety of this and fear having to face your solitude again.

By all means find ways to make new friendships but also look inward at your need for them. Work on becomming more comfortable with your own company. You are the one constant in your life and the one person you spend the most time with. So that is always the place to start. Other can then supplement your life as they come and go but you will never feel 'lonely'. You will never suffer as a consequence.

 

[Ross]

The most important reason why I "want" friends is to do amazing stuff that I want to do in my early years before it's too late.

[Eelco1981]

@Ross Listen very closely to the advice of @FindingPeace. Meanwhile, if you still want friends... What works for me is just doing things I like. Going to the gym or any other sports club. Then after a few days or weeks you will encounter the same people that have the same interests and the same schedule. So you talk to them and a friendships grows which you take outside the gym. You may discover that you have more interest in common. Just do the things in life you enjoy and the right people will cross your path. Don't be desperate for friends. Be comfortable of walking the path alone also.

Why you say you need friends to do amazing stuff is a riddle to me... You can do al kinds of amazing stuff without friends, although doing amazing things with friends, sharing the moment, makes it more pleasant I admit.

[FindingPeace]

2 hours ago, Eelco1981 said:

Why you say you need friends to do amazing stuff is a riddle to me... You can do al kinds of amazing stuff without friends,

I couldn't agree more with this statement. And it ties in with what I was saying about being content with solitude. Solitude isn't just about sitting in a room alone and being happy, it is also discovering that you can enjoy pursuing 'amazing things' just by yourself. Not every experience has to be shared although I admit that an experience shared does have a better feel about it.

5 hours ago, Ross said:

I want to do in my early years before it's too late

When is too late? Granted, we never know how long life will last us, but there is nothing ahead in the future that is waiting to tie you down and prevent you from exploring the world and having adventures with or without other people. Unless, of course, you hold a belief that other things will take priority and that this is the only moment in time you have to 'do' anything. How you prioritise your future is up to you. But if doing 'things' is  important to you then factor it in as a priority. Your future, and what you choose to do with it, is entirely up to you. So if you want do 'amazing things', then you can still do them in 10 or 20 years time.

[Beam]

Self confidence makes one more approachable and attracts women much like a magnet , it really does.
You should walk confidently and your hand should come out first to shake  , ask the prettiest girl in the room a question and smile often or have a grin at all times. People love a happy face , men and women.

The important thing is that YOU believe it then you can project it for others.  Negative thoughts do not promote a air of supremacy so do not think them in public ( or in private)

To be a Top dog you have to act like one , it will become habit and rewards will follow.

Its one of the laws of attraction.

*Look for a mentor*
 

 

Edited August 11, 2016 by Beam

[spicy_pickles]

Think about the "amazing stuff" you want to do. Is it travelling?  Is it skydiving?  Make a list of the amazing stuff you want to do. Then, as Leo mentioned above, seek out organizations that share similar interests. 

[Baul]

I suggest you follow @Leo Gura's advice and get it out of your system. I think I've surpassed the need for an extensive social life simply because I have been there and while there, engaged in some reflection on how I felt about it. If you have to need to do it, I suggest you do it (unless it involves physically harming yourself and/or other people). 

[Christian]

If you want to make more friends, I would reccomend that you get involved in social activities that you are interessted in. And when you get there, take the pressure off yourself. 

"When I say hi, I have already won" is a great mentality for this. Have that in place and try to talk to as many people as possible; think about it. If you talk to 100 new people in the next month/quarter/year, you  are pretty much guranteed to make friends and that will be great for you. Because I think you feel you lack friendship currently and your old friends do not want to hang around you. 

Tough solution, but it will be worth it if you have the courage...

[MIARIVEL]

@Ross Ahh one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn was being able to spend time with myself. This can be scary and seem lonely sometimes but you need to be able to be happy in your own company and enjoy doing things yourself. 

Like for me, I like going to the park or the beach taking a book or listening to some music there by myself. I like going on long walks and runs by myself, shopping, going for long drives exploring new places by myself. You have to learn to be your own best friend as hard and daunting as that seems.

When you are able to do this you will appreciate the value of friendships when you have them and you will be comfortable in your own skin. 

Start getting involved in sports, networking, seminars, social events at college, if you can attend these things then I would suggest to put yourself out there and just do it. It is easier to make new friends when you are apart of something you doing enjoy doing yourself.