Differentiating And Balancing Standards And Expectations

[Salaam]

What are the differences between Standards and Expectations? Who or what do you apply them towards? How conscious or unconscious are you of the influence they have over your life, the way you look, how you think, what you believe, what you have accomplished, and everything else?

Are your standards and expectations your own or are they your family's or society's?

How do you go about balancing the two, so the stress of a failure in expectation doesn't create a reaction that is also a failure in the standards we have for treating others and who we want to be?

Do you set expectations for the people around you, who are not in your control, or do you set expectations upon defined roles and levels of closeness/distance that we each choose for our own individual domain?

How do you treat yourself in relation to these standards and expectations. Do you castigate and criticize yourself? Are you compassionate? Daring and bold? Hopeful? Or do you not care and shrug it off for another day?

[FindingPeace]

12 hours ago, Salaam said:

What are the differences between Standards and Expectations?

A standard would be a preference or an ideal which you like reality to be in alignment with. An expectation is the belief that something will happen or be the case. Or something you want to happen.

12 hours ago, Salaam said:

How do you go about balancing the two, so the stress of a failure in expectation doesn't create a reaction that is also a failure in the standards we have for treating others and who we want to be?

Do you set expectations for the people around you, who are not in your control, or do you set expectations upon defined roles and levels of closeness/distance that we each choose for our own individual domain?

I have very few expectations of people or reality. I see the concept as arogant and non-sensical. Expectations are just stories in our own minds. They are a reflection of our self-agenda imposing itself on to reality. When we 'expect' something we are really wanting reality to suit our own personal wants. Reality/people/situations don't care what are expectations are. And reality doesn't try to align with them. I saw this early on in life. Whenever I find myself having an expectation I remind myself that it has no basis in reality. That it is the ego imposing my self-agenda on to the world.

But as a rule, I expect little to nothing from people and situations. It is arogant to do so. As if reality should fall in line with what I personally want. It's laughable. Sure I still do it to some extent - I expect not to fall through the floor when I get up to go to the fridge. But it could happen and if it did, I wouldn't be indignant about it. It's just reality doing what it does irrespectively of what I think. More importantly is taking responsibility for what happens and taking appropriate action to more forward.

12 hours ago, Salaam said:

How do you treat yourself in relation to these standards and expectations. Do you castigate and criticize yourself? Are you compassionate? Daring and bold? Hopeful? Or do you not care and shrug it off for another day?

I still have some level of standards and expectations because it's inherent in having an ego. There was a time when I may have been indignant, judgmental or critical if something or someone (or me) didn't meet my standards or expectations but as I do more inner work I see the fallacy of it all and have become far more accepting of what happens in reality. It is what it is, regardless of what I think or want. To resist it is to create stress and suffering. Removing expectations and standards from my life has reduced suffering and made may for so much more peace of mind.

Having expectations can only lead to dissapointment and suffering in life. Not having them creates much more freedom. There is no need to go through life expecting anything. What is it what is. Respond to reality in a constructive way whatever happens, regardless of whether or not it meets your expectations or suits your self-agenda.