250ug LSD trip report - Several insights

[Espaim]

Past experience

• 4 60ug trips
• 2 125ug trips
• 3 mushroom trips
• Several DMT trips.

Dosage: 250ug LSD 95%+ purity

ROA: Oral

Everything I write right to the time stamp is the main part and the next paragraph is some tangent.

"Insights" start at T+2:00. This is a rough estimate as I didn't write anything during the trip but I had a clock near me.

22/08/2020 8:20am

T+0:00 So cocky me just decided to take LSD saturday morning without any purpose beforehand. I was going to take 60ug but I thought why not take 250ug? Then I can tell people what was my experience so that they should or not try it. poor me lol

• So I swallowed it and did some work for my dad. He has no problem with me taking LSD. I explained to him the addiction potential and he knows about my past of slight depression and low energy so he just lets me do it. He has taken mushrooms himself.

T+0:30 It starts kicking in. Now I know I'm fucked lol. I was just chilling in my sofa and then the TV in my living room starts morphing. Holy shit. This usually happens 2 hours into the trip. Thoughts start to get warped and when I think something it seems like I evoke a web of interconnected concepts everytime I think of something.

• I saw that I have some negative connotations associated with the words "black" and "gay". Everytime I feel the sensation of my anus and it's pleasant it seems like I'm gay lol. I seemed to have accepted my sexuality several trips ago but now I'm not that sure. To be honest now I do think I have. I am pansexual. I thought I was pure heterossexual but after my first 125ug trip this melted away. I really love my gay friends company. It seems they are way more accepting than normal people.
• Regarding the word "black" it's not that I'm repulsed by it. It seems like when I think of this word it seems like to invoke the past experiences I saw of racism and I regard the bad feelings I feel when this happens. When I heard a black guy telling me about his experiences of racism I cried for some time. Never saw this subject the same.

T+1:30 Things start morphing even harder. Ego starts to get crushed right here. Then bam, oneness. I start crying when I see the absolute beauty of reality. I don't remember much from now on regarding timeframes.

T+2:00?-5:00 I got really a huge memory wipe from T+1:30 to T+5:00 into the trip and I don't remember everything. I did get all the biggest insights here in this part though.

1. I am God. God incarnated as this human being to experience reality, to explore itself and to know itself through me. Without an observer it wouldn't be possible to see reality. I still don't know why this is necessary.
2. I create reality as I live. This is a dream I have woken up during the trip. The same way I wake up from a dream at night, I woke up from the already waken dream.
3. Everything = Nothing. Everything is made out of nothing. It's not possible everything to be made out of something like a atom or quark or a final particle because that would cause an infinite regression. So the rock bottom is that the building blocks of reality are nothing.
   1. Corollary 1: All sensations I feel are interpreted by the filter we call brain to be a sight, sound, touch or smell. We could totally possibly aswell see sounds or hear colors and this be a totally normal way of living. It just seems that for the purposes of survival this current mechanism works.
   2. Corollary 2: I don't remember but if I do will add it here haha
4. Oneness. There's no difference between anything compared to anything. I am creating distinctions for the purpose of survival all the time. There's no difference between my mom and my dad, me and a rapist, me and my computer screen, me and a musical note, a monkey and a highway. They're all consciousness.
5. I AM. That's it.
6. Absolute subjectivity. There's nothing behind what I'm seeing. There's no higher truth in the sense that I can't have access to what's true. In the sense of subjective vs objective.
7. Love. All I ever wanted is love all the time. It seems that all my actions were pointed into getting love. When I got to this moment in my trip it seems like there's nothing more to do, it's finished. Welcome, my little human child to the hands of God.
8. It's impossible to die as there was never someone born to begin with. Being born and dying is an illusion. 
9. Reality is a Fractal. It's possible to zoom in and out infinitely. It's just that our human eyes cannot do this but we can see this through microscopes and telescopes. Still, it's possible to go even further into all directions.
10. Everything is Perfect the way it is.

I did get many more insights but I just cannot remember even if I strain myself to the max. There were some moments were I was in my living room and another moment I was seated outside my house. There was several moments where I ceased existing and then came back.

Several thought loops happened and in some part of the trip I thought of killing myself. Luckily I got myself out of that.

T+5:00 After all this mindfuck my blood pressure was at 160/60 maybe even more and I actually felt like I was dying. I needed to take several pills of propranolol and my BP still didn't go down for the whole day almost.

T+6:00 I went and just sat next to my garden looking at the sky and meditated for a little bit.

So the comedown was just me trying to not lose my shit and run into the streets naked.

The day after:

It seems like I have changed in some way. Thinking of some things wasn't appealing to me. Some of the addictions I had don't even cross my mind like scrolling infinitely through Reddit or eating junk food.

I don't even know if I want to keep going into Enlightenment or Self-development anymore to be honest.

-------------------------------------

I don't recommend people going from 125ug to 250ug right away like I did. It increased in strength exponencially. It seemed like 3x the strength of 125ug. All of my LSD trips were from the same batch.

To be honest I'm pretty sensitive already to psychedelics and this was a dumb move.

Edited August 24, 2020 by Espaim

[allislove]

Beautiful, the insights are on point, thanks for sharing. If I may recommend trying 5-MeO, so you don't experience this state for so long, so your blood pressure if raised only for a short period of time. Depends on what you enjoy though  

[Nahm]

@Espaim Welcome home. ??

[StripedGiraffe]

Beautiful, thank you for sharing. Your insights were in perfect alignment with my previous experiences. Now for the fun part... Integration!  Much love brother

[Espaim]

On 24/08/2020 at 11:23 AM, allislove said:

I may recommend trying 5-MeO

Only if I found a source 

I can get the weirdest shit types of drugs but no 5-MeO

@Nahm @StripedGiraffe 

[Leo Gura]

Very good insights. That's the crux of it.

[allislove]

@Espaim did you have a breakthrough with DMT? I only did a low dosage of DMT, but can imagine it should be something similar to 5-MeO (if you don't have many visuals).

[Espaim]

39 minutes ago, allislove said:

@Espaim did you have a breakthrough with DMT? I only did a low dosage of DMT, but can imagine it should be something similar to 5-MeO (if you don't have many visuals).

To be honest I only feel high on DMT. It's an instant ego death and there's some closed eye visuals but for me it's hard to inquire or do anything else. When I think about the trip afterwards it's hard to remember anything. I have seen some entities that healed me and some cool things though.

When I combined it with weed I could do some inquiring and that was the strongest trip ever. I had some great insights into the nature of thoughts but I cannot remember anything 

[PopoyeSailor]

When you say oneness, are you aware of your existence then, aware of your own awareness? Can you think during this time of oneness?

Now that you have a profound experience, what would be your thoughts about Nothingness or Void that some people say they got stuck in during their experience which they say is existentially terrifying. where you scared in such manner at any point in your experience?

Please refer to this first post on this page for what I'm referring to:

Quote

There was several moments where I ceased existing and then came back.

When you say ceased, do you mean different from the oneness state? No awareness of even awareness? No thinking? no remembrance of any kind?

Edited August 28, 2020 by PopoyeSailor