My I Thought Is Persistent

[rambitherhino]

I used to have a big ego. Everything i did i crafted to make myself real appealing and to basically be successful in everything i did, and i was successful in this. Then i got depressed and built anxiety. this then turned on me and everything i did was to me bad. Everything i said all the way to the way i picked up my keys, in my opinion wasnt good enough. It was weird. i was a persistent over-thinker and i couldnt understand why. i was realizing that i wasnt in control and this conclusion just hit me. The free will i thought i had was slapped by a wet hand of determinism. this scared the shit of me at the time and till today i still have a lingering i thought in stuff i do, especially interacting with people. the ways i been trying to dissolve this is a daily self inquiry for an hour, mindful meditation for 20 mins, and meditation for 40 min. this has been helping and im starting to get over it but i still have a slight lingering self doubt in my thoughts. Any suggestions?

[Kaslex]

yeah I have that too, the inner bitch. I guess just accept it as it is when it comes up. and just be aware of it. try finding evidence to you beliefs. ask your self what is this feeling of self doubt. give thats part of you love and self acceptance.   

[Eelco1981]

@rambitherhino I can recommend two books that might be helpful. "Taming your gremlin" by Richard Carson and "Embracing your inner Critic" by Hal Stone. Those are powerful books that worked for me.

By the way, thinking that you are successful is caused by a big ego, but thinking that you suck is also caused by a big ego. Thinking that you are better or worse than other persons is both an expression of the ego.