How to care for people without being a neurotic?

[Megan Alecia]

While reading some Internet forum, I was just disappointed and slightly disgusted at the fact that people seem to prioritize themselves in basically every situation and care very little about others. Like it always has to be "me, me, me..."

But of course I'm not beyond this. I just have this inkling, but that's it. I guess that's why I'm asking here; how to care for others without it being an egoic trap/self deception ? 

[Farnaby]

@Megan Alecia there's a difference between doing things selflessly out of genuine caring and doing things for other people with a subtle agenda/expectation in mind. 

The second one is a coping mechanism and it's purpose is to be liked by people, but you get angry when you feel like people don't care about you or don't show gratitude.

When care comes without expectations, you can also feel bad if you're the only one investing in the relationship. But that's a healthy reaction because realtionships need to be balanced and a two way street. The difference is that this is not a coping mechanism used to be liked by people. It doesn't come from a place of lack but from abundance. It's the difference between doing something for another person because you feel good and doing it because you're afraid they won't like you if you don't.

Another important part is to accept that we're all "selfish" in one way or another. As I said, people pleasing is actually done for "selfish" needs, even if it doesn't look like selfishness. 

My guess is that there's some emotional wound around feeling that people don't care about you. When you see people acting "selfishly" this gets triggered. 

[Megan Alecia]

@Farnaby Quality advice, thank you.