I Feel Guilty

[Bill Hunter]

Hi Leo and everyone, I have been following actualized for some time now. My main reason for being part of your self development program is that,  when I was 17, I paid for sex twice a night and even though I haven't done that again since then, I feel guilty.  I have had problems forming relationships due to anxiety, that I had from watching porn and masturbating and growing up with narcissistic guardians 

I humbly want to know if I have to go form a relationship and if so do I have to tell my partner what I did? I will be 20 this November and I am single, lonely and depressed.

[Nahm]

@Bill Hunter

Give this a read, and maybe share your thoughts on it. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201506/9-ways-talk-yourself-out-unnecessary-guilt

[Bill Hunter]

@Nahm Thank you brother, I will read through most often. I am confused on whether I should let my partner know about it suppose I find one. 

I once opened up to a friend about it and he judged me and told me about the spiritual consequences ( If you have heard about soul ties). Afterwards, I fear that he might be selling me out.

[Nahm]

@Bill Hunter

Much love man ??. I’d ‘be where you are’ so to speak, here & now, where relaxation, letting go, forgiving yourself, understanding and healing are available... vs thinking ahead to future & relationship. Perspectives change a ton and things can all seem very different from compared to where you’re at now. The more you understand from researching / reading, feeling and releasing, the more you’ll see things differently in great ways when the relationship does come around. Focus on doing all that you can to get yourself ready for a relationship. Let go of what doesn’t feel good and you’ll inherently raise your vibration, and experience will be liquid & flow than solid & difficult, if you will. 

If only we had dubbed the term being human, rather than human beings you know? Imo it points a little more to the truth that we’re all innocent and nobody really knows what the hell they’re / we’re doing. It’s really guesswork for everyone, so don’t beat up on yourself. Value letting go & forgiving yourself and others, and you will live a superior life in many if not all ways. We learn by experience.

Focus on what you’ve learned from your experiences. Take a minute to notice, to realize, that you’re more conscious now than you were before, and that has something to do with why the past is coming up and bothering you. Gotta notice it’s precisely because you’re not in the same place so to speak that you were back then. Back then, you did whatever because of where you were at. Everybody would have done exactly what you did if they were you. It’s ok, you’re ok, and you can let it go. Takes time. Relax & breath deeply and be patient and loving with yourself as much as you can. 

And I wouldn’t give much attention to the soul ties stuff. Instead, try to understand judgement is the biggest and most inherent & fundamental problem for us all. Everybody wrestles with it like you are now. Everybody goes through it. With respect to your friend, recognize how you feel when you judge yourself like you are lately, and that he feels that way too when does it, even though he might not be recognizing that yet. I believe you can.   No one who is judging would continue to do so when they become aware they’re doing it, because of how it feels. Feel your compassion for this human condition. 

Also, begin to inspect & notice, to make the shift ...that guilt is not a feeling, it’s a perspective. It’s found in thinking.  It requires you to focus on a situation that isn’t happening but is a memory of the past, then to derive a perspective & interpretation of what transpired...which is not jiving with truth / the higher self / your inner being / the unconditional love that Is and is for you and is available to you always. Muster willingness to relax, and say, maybe it’s my perspective about this that isn’t jiving here’. I can’t possibly suggest strongly enough that it is only the perspective which does not resonate or feel good, and that you are perfec exactly as you are right now. You might consider, that there must be an unconditional love, because we can feel our perspectives, our conditions. 

Bill’s likely short for William. With a different interpretation & perspective, your name is Will Hunter. Which path wise is pretty damn cool, and insightful. I think you’ll find the will, I think it’s in you. 

[Bill Hunter]

@NahmThank you once again brother, I appreciate your time and the advice. I hope to do away with this thinking I have, with the help you have provided me. I'm grateful.

[Red-White-Light]

@Bill Hunter You had a temptation, you acted on it and there wasn’t some theological God to punish you. The only thing punishing you was your own guilt.

Sexual desire is deeply rooted in men’s phycology and a lot of men have gone to sex workers. That isn’t to justify it, it’s just to reassure you that you’re not alone.

I personally don’t believe women should sell themselves sexually as the insides of a woman’s body are not a workplace.

You could consider it a lesson on how to treat a women correctly. You don’t view women as sex objects but as people with thoughts and feelings. 

Making mistakes is the hard way of learning in life, but the lessons learned will stick deep with you, and you will come out a better person.

The guardian issue you’re talking about is not new. Priest have been suppressing sexuality in society for a long time and as a result prostitution was born. You can read about this on Osho’s blog. 

http://www.osho.com/osho-online-library/osho-talks/beauty-satisfaction-prostitution-fb4edfac-0de?p=b8069eac11b0e454b8b916e67cdfc4b8

[Bill Hunter]

@Red-White-Light Thanks for helping me brother,  I appreciate.