I need advice on what to do with my needy girlfriend.

[Eyal Bor]

Hello actualizers.

I started learning seduction about a year ago, so I got into dating different girls, some open relationships and such, to gain some confidence and experience. The pandemic hit and I "accidentally" ended up in a monogamous relationship without planning it, with one of the girls. It started during lockdown, we gave each other company during this time which was great. She is super lovely and kind, and I'm attracted to her physically too, we had a great time but later I started realizing she was somewhat needy and she had some issues.

Turns out she has very low self-esteem and a very sad/dark past, but I really care for her, wanted to support her and enjoy her company when she is in a good mood. Also, during lockdown there wasn't that much other pick-up to do either...

With pandemic, she lost her job and she is feeling extra insecure about herself, being extra needy of me and crying all the time.  Altough I still enjoy her company when she's happy (which right now feels only like 30-40% of the time), her mood swings can be unbearable. I really care for her (I don't think I'm ready to say LOVE her), so I just keep telling myself that this is temporary and it's gonna pass, but I was really considering breaking up with her. She hass been struggling to find a job, she's feeling so bad lately that I feel she's really draining a lot of energy from me. She's aware that it scares me away and tires me, so it makes her feel guilty and even more bad. I'm scared of breaking up with her because she has suicidal thoughts and I trully believe she's capable of hurting herself if I leave her.

I don't know what do to in this situation. Again, I really care for her, she's not selfishly taking my energy, because she feels terrible that she's being like this with me, she tries really hard please me, but she's just depressed. I keep telling myself that it can get better overtime, when she finds a job...etc. At the same time a voice in me tells me to be more selfish and not give a shit about what happens to her, but that's really worring. She says she denies herself from going terapy, that all the phys just want to prescribe her pills, and the more alternative docs she can't really afford to see often cause she's running out of money and is not covered by the french insurance she has. 

 

This makes me question a few things:

-What is unconditional love? aren't we supposed to practice this? To love regardless of what we get in return? 

-If I break up with her, it means that relationships are selfish deals, are only about what it serves me, not about caring and appreciating the other person?

 

When everything started, no, I didn't really know what I was getting into, I probably wouldn't have gotten into it if I knew. But now since I'm in it, I feel somewhat responsable. She doesn't have much friend in the city we live in and she doesn't get along well with her family either. I feel and she feels I'm the last thing she has left and if I leave her right now, I think she could really hurt herself.

Any thoughts/recommendations are deeply appreciated.

[Recursoinominado]

51 minutes ago, Eyal Bor said:

-What is unconditional love? aren't we supposed to practice this? To love regardless of what we get in return? 

-If I break up with her, it means that relationships are selfish deals, are only about what it serves me, not about caring and appreciating the other person?

This seems like stage blue moralism.

Stop with all those shoulds.

You don't have to marry the first girl you get into a relationship with, especially if you are not compatible. 

You can try to love her unconditionally without necessarily being in a relationship. 

It looks like you are trying to apply some principles you read somewhere but did not come up with them yourself, don't live your life trying to get "good boy" points.

[Kalki Avatar]

@Eyal Bor Her energy is going to drag you down at some point. The fact that you accept her energy, communicates to your subconcious mind that you and her are a match. So either your energy frequency will have to lower on to her or she will have to catch you up. If you are not present enough/Aware, negativity will eat you. You are saying yes unconsciously to her negativity. At some point you might end up needy too and enter a loop with her. This happened to me with my last gf. I didnt want to hurt her, but she was needy, so i started acepting her bla bla bla, and ended on her frequency match. Your consciousness/intuition will tell you what is right even thou it might appear as negative paradoxically. When I ended my relationship it was hard at first, but it was the best thing for both on the long run. 

Another thing you can consider is ending the relationship but stay as a friend to her. Be clear on the things you like, but you can support her on anything you think you might help. 

The last thing both of you can do is in "The Power of Now" it speaks of these stuff about relationships. If you make the commitment to ascend to a new presence and "She" agrees, that might save both of you. But just hear the inner voice. Its there speaking. Literally.