Why don't I have ego backlashes?

[Koeke]

I do have them but they're really mild. I have been meditating/Self-Inquiring/doing yoga four hours a day on average the last four months. And I meditated 10 hours a day four days in a row. I did 5 MeO-DMT seven times. My consciousness is definitely raised, but not that much I think. I find it hard to compare different levels of consciousness since I am always just experiencing one. 

Any thoughts?

[Seraphim]

Amazing discipline! When we reach a new level it never disappears. For example when your feeling of existing behind the eyes shifts to feeling a sense of nothingness, that change is permanent. Or when you go from feeling nothingness to feeling like you are the whole universe.

The ego backlashes has to do with temporary states like having many thoughts and feeling bad, to feeling blissful and present. This can happen basically at any level.

[Koeke]

19 hours ago, Seraphim said:

 

The ego backlashes has to do with temporary states like having many thoughts and feeling bad, to feeling blissful and present. This can happen basically at any level.

Yeah, I just feel they're really mild. I watched Leo's video on it (a while ago), he makes it seem like you really have to push through it. Idk, I'm just a bit worried I'm doing something wrong.

[seeking_brilliance]

Either you are transmuting all that energy, or saving up for a nice big one.  It could come like a theif in the night, if you aren't ready it will rob you blind. Stay present and prepared, but also enjoy your freedom. 

[Nahm]

@Koeke

How’s your life dream going? 

[Buba]

Ego backlash is not a joke : ))

[Gesundheit]

They will come to you, sooner or later. Don't be so quick to judge.

[Recursoinominado]

I guess being able to flow with changes is an essential skill that only a few have.

Backlash happens because we have a self-image that hardened with time and habit. I guess that if you are conscious and present enough, that will lessen the problem by a lot because we would not live by that past self-image but by our present surroundings. 

Particularly, I have massive ego backlashs any time I do a significant progress. I noticed that I have a limit to how good I am able to feel and when I feel good for a few days, I have this awful day afterward and all my progress is nulled. 

[Espaim]

I don't know but if that's true just bask in your luck 

[Artsu]

Consciousness is a subtle thing. You might have raised your consciousness more than you think.

Rather than comparing, try and identify markers of consciousness in terms of a system, such as spiral dynamics.

[Nahm]

On 8/20/2020 at 0:44 PM, Koeke said:

I find it hard to compare different levels of consciousness since I am always just experiencing one

That understanding may explain why. ?? A backlash without the comparison isn’t quite the same experience. Likewise, it’s actually hard to notice understanding you already understand. It ‘becomes’ the radar so to speak, and is no longer on the radar.  

Great work / devotion btw. 

[Koeke]

On 21-8-2020 at 8:50 PM, Recursoinominado said:

I guess being able to flow with changes is an essential skill that only a few have.

Backlash happens because we have a self-image that hardened with time and habit. I guess that if you are conscious and present enough, that will lessen the problem by a lot because we would not live by that past self-image but by our present surroundings. 

Particularly, I have massive ego backlashs any time I do a significant progress. I noticed that I have a limit to how good I am able to feel and when I feel good for a few days, I have this awful day afterward and all my progress is nulled. 

On 21-8-2020 at 2:51 PM, Nahm said:

@Koeke

On 21-8-2020 at 8:50 PM, Recursoinominado said:

 

 

On 20-8-2020 at 7:22 PM, Seraphim said:

 

@Recursoinominado 

How often do you have significant progress? With how much spiritual practices? 

 

Edited August 22, 2020 by Koeke

[Koeke]

10 hours ago, Nahm said:

@Koeke

How’s your life dream going? 

What do you mean?

 

2 minutes ago, Nahm said:

That understanding may explain why. ?? A backlash without the comparison isn’t quite the same experience. Likewise, it’s actually hard to notice understanding you already understand. It ‘becomes’ the radar so to speak, and is no longer on the radar.  

Great work / devotion btw. 

Can you expand? You're right: I am not noticing the understanding I already have.

[Nahm]

At the same time, that there is no backlash could actually be the backlash. Can be sneaky, never know. 

[Nahm]

Just now, Koeke said:

What do you mean?

Expressed what you really want in this life, such as onto a dreamboard?  Profoundly, deeply, unabashedly - actually. 

Just now, Koeke said:

Can you expand? You're right: I am not noticing the understanding I already have.

It’s like if you thought you saw a mirror in your peripheral vision, but then upon closer inspection saw that it was really a window. It’d be hard to see it as a mirror again, since it wasn’t / isn’t. Same for the activity of the mind, and that which it actually is, or you might say understanding, and Being. 

[Inliytened1]

@Koeke Maybe your ego likes dying.  Mine didn't.   Or maybe what you have experienced is yet still childsplay.

The dissolving of the illusion of death is no small feat even for God - because he buries himself down so deep and then has to climb out.

If you still fear death then you haven't died.

You haven't died (capital Y) - not small you.  Meaning You woke up to Yourself.

The small self will always fear death.  But it is a part of God consciousness that you take away that knows better.

 

 

[Koeke]

9 hours ago, Nahm said:

It’s like if you thought you saw a mirror in your peripheral vision, but then upon closer inspection saw that it was really a window. It’d be hard to see it as a mirror again, since it wasn’t / isn’t. Same for the activity of the mind, and that which it actually is, or you might say understanding, and Being. 

I mean what is the understanding? I don't mean how does the process of not noticing an understanding work.

 

9 hours ago, Nahm said:

At the same time, that there is no backlash could actually be the backlash. Can be sneaky, never know. 

You mean that I could potentially be in a backlash because I, mistakenly, think I am going in the right direction?

[Koeke]

9 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

Maybe your ego likes dying.  Mine didn't.   Or maybe what you have experienced is yet still childsplay.

How can an ego like dying? I presume it can only like certain parts dying.

I don't see how it can be child's play since I have done so much work. I am aware of the magnitude of the dissolution of the ego (in so far that's possible at this stage).

[Koeke]

I would like to add that I have been doing shamanic breathing for 5 months now and barely have emotional reactions. I remember Leo saying you might wake up crying. This is an extreme example of course, but the only thing shamanic breathing does for me, afterwards, is that it makes me more loving and accepting of me/reality. Thoughts don't annoy me as much etc. I find it hard to tell how much emotional purging happens.

I don't know if this is relevant but I am 18 years old and I might be autistic (aspergers).

[Nahm]

12 hours ago, Nahm said:

Expressed what you really want in this life, such as onto a dreamboard?  Profoundly, deeply, unabashedly - actually.