Insights, Music, And Chicken Poop

[askdfjnak]

WB  

Ditto to pretty much all of this. ^

Over the last 4 months or so it’s really sunk in that it’s time to be an “adult” – whatever that means. I just turned 23.
Nobody really gives you the memo, I think it’s something that sneaks up on you. I’ve realised that I’m extremely lucky that this process of "maturation" is something that I get to consciously reconcile.

For most people the momentum of life out of high school and college just catapults them into a blur of activity. People end up doing “adult stuff” without really knowing how or why and end up being really “busy”, as you say, without having come to any stable ground within and without getting their bearings in the outside world.
I was on the same trajectory myself but I’ve had to seriously reconsider my sources of motivation and the direction they are likely to take me in.

Do you need a purpose?
Do you need to have an IMPACT?
Do you need to go about life in any particular way?

Certainly not, but at least if you do want to do these things you can step forward from a place of inner balance and grounded strength, rather than inner turmoil and insecurity.

Also, I’m sure you’ll appreciate this.

Chorus:

I've got a feeling
That this won't ever change
We're gonna keep on getting older
It's gonna keep on feeling strange

 

 

 

... bai bai adolescence.

[jjer94]

Macro and Micro

"My life is not an apology, but a life. It is for itself and not for a spectacle. I much prefer that it should be of a lower strain, so it should be genuine and equal, than that it should be glittering and unsteady." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I can see all the voices in my head duking it out with my previous post like nitpicky internet trolls.

 "No life purpose? So I'm just going to sit around all day and cater to my lower self like a glutton? I may as well take some low-end job so I can masturbate and play video games for the rest of my days."

"I'd be a complete floater, just going with the flow, utterly directionless, letting the river decide where I want to go. Doesn't sound like a very fulfilling life to me."

"But I want IMPACT. I want to change the world! How the heck can I make a difference without a life purpose?"

To those reading who have a life purpose: awesome! In a way, I'm kind of envious that you've managed to pinpoint an overarching mission to your life. But for those of us who have spent YEARS deliberating incessantly about what mission statement we should adopt, any more thoughts on life purpose will be sure to cause spontaneous combustion. And it makes sense why that's the case.

The universe is without purpose, plain and simple; it is what it is. But we humans seem to have this mind-made capacity to paint the otherwise blank canvas of life with brush strokes of meaning. We LOVE to interpret, to try to find meaning and purpose in this rather uncomplicated survival game. It's ingrained in the psyche. If you don't believe me, what are you doing right now when you read these words?

Problems arise when we take our interpretations too seriously. As I've found with deliberating life purpose. I've spent so much time trying to figure out the macro, the big "fireworks" moment in my life, when in the process I've almost completely overlooked the majority of what life is: a series of microcosms. We spend our days slaving away for some huge moment of impact, when we forget that every day is a chance to be impactful. Maybe not in the way we imagined, but in a way that's actually realistic. And who knows? Maybe all of these little microcosms will add up in the end to make a "macro" moment.

In response to the trolls in my head: In my experience, I've found that deliberating about the macro has brought about MORE of the gluttonous behaviors like masturbation and video games, MORE procrastination than action. Thinking too big has created choice paralysis, produced limiting beliefs, and has made me run away from the things I feel so inclined to do otherwise. I've found that my addictions are a utility of avoidance, perhaps avoidance of the fact that life is without purpose and "this is it". As for being a directionless floater... Isn't that life? Minus our interpretive overlays, isn't that what we're all doing? Just winging it? If I'm not mistaken, this is your first time being alive, right? Isn't that fulfilling enough? I mean, otherwise, where would you be?

Tomorrow literally does not exist. It's a thought. So what can you do TODAY that gives you meaning, makes you feel purposeful, gives you a sense of impact or contribution? Is it practicing your instrument? Taking a photo? Spending time with a loved one? Cooking a splendid meal? Giving money to a beggar? Making a birth chart? Volunteering at the local animal shelter? Why not keep doing that until you change your mind about it? And if you aren't, why not? Is it because you're too busy planning your macro moment?

 

[jjer94]

@Marc Schinkel I like the way you describe the "momentum" of getting older. The external pressures telling you what you should do. It takes a lot of willpower to overcome them; some never do. Well said.

And thank you for introducing me to some great music! I like the yodel quality in her voice. It brings out the emotions.

Cheers.

[jjer94]

The Spiritual Escape Artist. Lesson 1: Don't be a Squidward.

Meditation.

One of the greatest practices I've found for increasing overall well-being, contentment, and concentration abilities.

Also, one of the greatest practices I've found for increasing procrastination, settling, and frustration. Instead of taking action on the things my intuition tells me I should do, I find it's much easier to sit and stare at a wall all day. 

It reminds me of the time where I used to clean the entire house, walk the dogs, do a stretching routine, and read self-help books before I decided to make that one phone call I knew I should have made a long time ago (Just kidding - I still do that). No matter how many productive things I did, it still couldn't cover up the fact that I was avoiding the scarier tasks higher on my priority list. 

What I've personally discovered over the past year is that I've used meditation, contemplation, reading, and all the other introverted spiritual activities as a way to silence that nagging voice in my head that's telling me to go out and make new friends. In fact, there seems to be an opposing voice, the spiritual ego voice, that says, "Friends are worthless! You don't need human connection! That's just a societal construct! Besides, everyone is too unconscious to even understand you. Let's just continue raising consciousness alone, in this room. Whatever that means."

With my trusty translator called Intuition®, I learned that the spiritual ego was simply saying, "I have social anxiety. I want everyone to like me, even though I know that's impossible. It makes social interaction a burden. So I'm too afraid to go out and meet new people, even though I secretly want to. Meditation, contemplation, reading, and the forum are all great, but I'd like to balance that with playing around with real social interactions, because I'm lonely. Yes, I know my true nature is aloneness itself, but the human side of me feels like something's missing. Perhaps it's connection."

It's like that Spongebob episode where Squidward denies that he likes Krabby Patties, and then proceeds to gorge himself on them when Spongebob finds out that he does. What's the result? He literally blows up. The episode ends with him in the back of an ambulance with only his head still intact.

I had to admit to myself sooner or later that I was using meditation as a way to deny my social anxiety, or else I'd become so needy and desperate for social interactions that I'd inevitably push away everyone I meet and blow up in an all-out depression. Whoops, too late. 

If this anecdote resonates in any way, save yourself the trouble and don't be a Squidward. I'm not saying that everyone uses meditation, contemplation, reading, etc. as a way to avoid their neuroses. But just to be sure, listen to that little nagging voice in your head. Let it speak up and take action. It will illuminate any forms of denial in your spiritual practices, especially when it comes to social anxiety.

Or, don't. Maybe we all need to blow up someday to learn to never deny ourselves again. 

 

[askdfjnak]

On 01/02/2017 at 6:08 AM, jjer94 said:

What I've personally discovered over the past year is that I've used meditation, contemplation, reading, and all the other introverted spiritual activities as a way to silence that nagging voice in my head that's telling me to go out and make new friends. In fact, there seems to be an opposing voice, the spiritual ego voice, that says, "Friends are worthless! You don't need human connection! That's just a societal construct! Besides, everyone is too unconscious to even understand you. Let's just continue raising consciousness alone, in this room. Whatever that means."

With my trusty translator called Intuition®, I learned that the spiritual ego was simply saying, "I have social anxiety. I want everyone to like me, even though I know that's impossible. It makes social interaction a burden. So I'm too afraid to go out and meet new people, even though I secretly want to. Meditation, contemplation, reading, and the forum are all great, but I'd like to balance that with playing around with real social interactions, because I'm lonely. Yes, I know my true nature is aloneness itself, but the human side of me feels like something's missing. Perhaps it's connection."

 

I can relate somewhat. For me it’s not so much about social interaction though.
I don’t have social anxiety and I’m comfortable alone, much more so than most people anyway.
I have always been driven to achieve something greater.
So it’s always been “climb that mountain”, “run that marathon”, “ace that test”, “build that thing” etc. My ego had huge investments in accomplishments or goals I was always working towards.
I recognized this after my first few enlightenment experiences and so I stopped everything and locked myself in a cupboard to meditate; very challenging thing for me to do.
Of course, I became goal orientated with my meditation habit and that turned into a bit of a lucky conundrum. The longer and harder I sat the more I realized that I was sitting to avoid myself until I finally blew up.

 

Now I’m picking up the pieces. My translation of what you said is “All accomplishments belong to time” “Even the pyramids of Egypt will soon be dust in the wind” “All these people running around working towards something are so unconscious, all of their goals are societal constructs! Especially these self-help junkies, they’re the biggest idiots of them all! They’re being told to chase their true dreams as they are being fed new bullshit ones!”
But really that’s just my spiritual ego saying that I shouldn’t pursue anything. Partly because I’m afraid of failure, partly because I’m afraid I will get entangled in outcomes. I should just stay in this room and raise my consciousness alone. Whatever that means.

 

This summarizes the root of spiritual ego problems:

On 29/01/2017 at 2:17 AM, jjer94 said:

Problems arise when we take our interpretations too seriously. As I've found with deliberating life purpose. I've spent so much time trying to figure out the macro, the big "fireworks" moment in my life, when in the process I've almost completely overlooked the majority of what life is: a series of microcosms. We spend our days slaving away for some huge moment of impact, when we forget that every day is a chance to be impactful. Maybe not in the way we imagined, but in a way that's actually realistic. And who knows? Maybe all of these little microcosms will add up in the end to make a "macro" moment.

Did you ever see what happened to wile e coyote after he caught the roadrunner?
I know his pain.

 

 

Jesus probably had something good to say about all this. Something along the lines of

“be in the world but not of it”  

[jjer94]

@Marc Schinkel OMG, never saw that episode. Hilarious!

Thanks for your perspective! You may find that goals are not a problem. The real problem is not realizing they're made up. Progress is progress, but don't expect an end point. As cliche as it sounds...perhaps the journey is the destination...

[jjer94]

10 ways to piss off blog readers.

1. Create posts with a list of 10 numbered directives.

2. Have some numbers be slightly redundant, but not enough for the readers to actually notice.

3. Turn the list into a slideshow to expose the reader to more advertising.

4. Cater to the monkey mind by providing endless hyperlinks.

5. Sell an ebook that gives you generic 10-step directives and then move to Thailand, never to be seen again.

6. Sell a $100 course on how to make money as a digital nomad...by selling a $100 course on how to make money as a digital nomad.

7. Be a millenial. Or a cis white male. Or both.

8. Have a couple of the numbers be redundant, but not enough for the readers to notice.

9. Don't provide a step 10. Instead, give a shout-out to another blog.

10. Shout-out to my friend Gary. I'm a big fan! You can check out his blog here.

[jjer94]

advice is tainted.

Anytime someone gives advice, it’s tainted.

If you ask someone directly after an apple-pie-eating contest if you should go buy some apple pie, he will probably say no as he proceeds to hate you for even saying those two evil words.

If you ask someone directly after watching Star Wars Episode 7 if you should watch it too, she’ll say, “HELL YEAH! OMG!” Ask her a week or so later, and she’ll say, “Eh, it was all right. Kind of like Episode 4 with a new coat of paint. Watch it only for the entertainment value.”

If you ask a bunch of digital nomads whether you should quit your job and travel indefinitely around Europe by monetizing a blog, you may find that most of them will say yes. Ask a bunch of middle-aged parents the same exact question, and you’ll receive a contrary response.

Advice is the culmination of autobiographical information, current emotional state, belief systems, and countless other factors invisible to the human ears. Keep that in mind the next time you take advice too seriously.

[jjer94]

positive thinking is a full-time job. 

After my best friend killed himself, I immediately turned to “positive thinking” self-help.

The likes of Napoleon Hill, Rhonda Byrne, David Schwartz, Brian Tracy, and many others convinced me that thinking positively enough about myself would attract positive circumstances in my life. So that’s what I tried to do. I was a positive-thinking beast, with visualizations and affirmations aplenty. Any negative thoughts were suffocated with the sweet syrupy goodness of positivity.

I actually began to feel worse about myself. No matter how much I said, “I like myself,” it couldn’t change the fact that deep down, I hated myself.

My mind was its own Thought Police, painstakingly working endless hours to deny my deficient programming with optimistic lies. As with any soul-sucking work, eventually something just snaps.

The emotional floodgates opened and positive thinking went out the back door. The most putrid negative thoughts surfaced, and I surrendered to them. The tempest lasted several months before equilibrium was restored. I now let positive and negative thinking both have a say.

Trying to push the positive while avoiding the negative is a soul-sucking full-time job with terrible hours. By quitting, you may lose security, but you gain equanimity.

 

Edited February 8, 2017 by jjer94

[jjer94]

look at the moon.

One of the most brilliant games I’ve ever played is The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask.

The premise: The moon will crash into Earth in three days, and Link, the protagonist, must find a way to stop it. He has the power to rewind to Day One with his ocarina.

The strangest part of the game is not the fact that Link can travel through time. It’s that most of the people of Clock Town live in a state of perpetual denial. They go about their daily activities in a state of fear and pretend that nothing’s wrong while the moon continues to grow in size.

In a similar vein, the strangest part of the human condition is not the fact that we are so smart. It’s that we’re too smart for our own good. Like the citizens of Clock Town, most of us live in a state of perpetual denial. We go about our daily activities in a state of fear and pretend that nothing’s wrong while simultaneously denying the knowledge of our demise.

Everything has so much weight to it until we look at the moon, ready to crash down at any minute. If we make a practice of looking at it regularly, maybe we can learn to accept our fate, relax a bit, and enjoy the ride until it does.

[jjer94]

saving money for a low-energy asshole.

The idea of retirement cracks me up.

There's an old saying that goes: Young adults have time, energy, but no money. Adults have money, energy, but no time. And senior citizens have money, time, but no energy.

What's the point of saving up for some future me who a. will have little energy left to do things with the money I saved up for him, b. may not exist, and c. I've never met? What if future me is an asshole? Why would I want to save up money for some low-energy asshole I've never met? Retirement sounds boring as hell too. I suck at golf.

I could die today. Planning is great, but putting your salvation decades into the future is delusional. If I'm not living the life I want to live right now, when will I? I can cut my desires to save up money for a mini-retirement any time I want. May as well do it while I still have my youthful energy.

Once I'm too old to be able to wipe my own behind, I'll just ask my immediate family to pull the plug. That'll save me some dignity.

[jjer94]

if life were a book...

Self-help is the study of how to make the story inside the book the best it could be.

Nutrition is the study of how to make the story last longer.

Psychology is the study of how stories work.

Philosophy is the study of what's true within the story.

And spirituality is the practice of remembering that you are the book.

[jjer94]

can I go back to sleep now?

Life is all there is. It’s all One Consciousness, and you are it.

Life is giving you an invitation this very moment. An opportunity to accept everything as it is.

Will you take it? It’s now or nev-

Enough already! Jesus! I know you like doing your midnight satsangs, Mr. Goo-roo, but it’s four in the morning! Can I go back to sleep now?

[jjer94]

expose your forbidden fruit.

The more you make something a forbidden fruit and stow it away, the more valuable it becomes. Otherwise, it wouldn't be forbidden. Keep that in mind when you're trying to get rid of an undesirable behavior.

You're not a dog. There's no sense in treating yourself like one. So instead of trying to control your compulsion, study it. What value do you get from the behavior? What keeps you coming back to it? What utility does it have?

The more you expose your forbidden fruit, the less valuable it becomes. With enough vigilance, it won't need to be forbidden anymore.

[jjer94]

 

[jjer94]

wishing it away.

You enter kindergarten wishing it away for primary school. You think, They have the better playground.

You enter primary school wishing it away for middle school. You think, I'm too cool for the little kids.

You enter middle school wishing it away for high school. You think, There will be much more freedom.

You enter high school wishing it away for college. You think, No more tyrannical parents!

You enter college wishing it away for young-adulthood. You think, I'll never have to study again.

You enter young-adulthood wishing it away for adulthood. You think, I hate being at the bottom of the ladder.

You enter adulthood wishing it away for midlife. You think, I just want a family.

You enter midlife wishing it away for retirement. You think, I can't wait to be an empty nester.

You enter retirement wishing it away for the older days... but you can barely remember them.

[jjer94]

battles are lost in the same spirit with which they are won.

I cried last week. I do it a lot nowadays.

What often happens is that something triggers a sad cry: for my friend's suicide, for my guilt, for life's vanity. But then, out of nowhere, I transition to a hysterical laugh-cry: for gratitude, for the love for everything, for being alive, for the big cosmic joke that is life. 

Strangely, I don't prefer one mode of crying over another. They're both beautiful and cathartic in their own ways.

My man Walt Whitman once wrote that battles are lost in the same spirit with which they are won. 

I think I get what he means now.

 

Edited February 20, 2017 by jjer94

[jjer94]

I tried to be spider-man.

In third grade, I learned that I couldn't choose "superhero" as a career path.

At the time, Sam Raimi's Spider-man had been out for a couple years. It was my favorite movie. I watched it more than thirty times. 

I wanted to be Peter Parker, so I began to emulate his nerdy introverted persona while secretly touting acrobatic badassery. I would dry my hands and feet and prop myself up on a doorframe in the playroom at home, pretending that I had his climbing abilities. Come Halloween, I knew exactly what costume I wanted to wear. 

The spidey suit I bought at the costume store was abysmal. It had fake pecs and abs that made me look like a satanic version of the Stay-Puft marshmallow man. The colors had that neon quality like glow-in-the-dark piss. And worst of all, it was a size too small.

Due to the costume's no-refund status, I had to wear it on Halloween at school. The shame and embarrassment tore me up. The costume itself also tore during class, so my mom (who was a parent volunteer for the day's festivities) had to sew it up while I sobbed like a baby. 

My grand objective of becoming spider-man was crushed. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't fight the fact that I was just an ordinary kid with a spoon-fed life purpose. 

 

[jjer94]

the guardian.

There is a Guardian deep within you. 

He protects you from the Darkness. 

In order to protect you, he takes extreme measures. He may cause an addiction, have you stay in your comfort zone, or make you backslide on your goals. And for that, you hate him. 

Your hatred for the Guardian only makes him more vigilant. He sabotages your life until it's nearly in shambles.

When you've had enough, you finally turn inward and listen to what the Guardian has to say.

"I've been trying to protect you from the Darkness since you were little," he says. "I'm not your enemy, even if it seems that way. Please understand that."

A surge of compassion flows within you. You understand now.

Ever since early childhood, the Guardian has worked tirelessly. He's the invisible hand behind all of your cravings, your neuroses, your physical ailments, your fears. These are the Guardian's methods for protecting you from the Darkness.

You feel tremendous respect for his amazing power. 

You hug the Guardian. He smiles in your embrace. 

"Thank you so much for protecting me," you say. "You've done an amazing job. But now I am willing to taste some of the Darkness."

He steps aside and lets you taste the Darkness. It tastes like death. However, your presence and willingness to taste the Darkness has made it a little less dark.

Nowadays, your relationship with the Guardian has transformed from a cold tug-of-war into a warm friendship. You work with him to continually taste the Darkness.

The Guardian is no longer so desperate to protect you. Your cravings, neuroses, physical ailments, and fears have diminished greatly.

But whenever the Guardian does bring out your old conditioning, you remember to smile and listen. 

[jjer94]

the darkness.

The Darkness is your boogeyman.

It's all of the things you're afraid of. It's all of the things you don't want to feel. It's all of the existential truths you don't want to face.

Your entire life is arranged around protecting you from the Darkness.

One of the themes within my Darkness is guilt.

Not the kind of guilt you get from committing a crime. It's the guilt that's more existential in nature. The guilt that makes you feel as if you don't deserve to be alive. The guilt that suggests there's something wrong with being yourself. The guilt that says everyone else is deserving of love, but you're not. 

The following is a showcase of how the Guardian has protected me from this guilt:

• My minimalistic tendencies: Become a miser and have an easy day job so that you don't have to face the fact that you feel undeserving of higher income.
• My people pleasing: Become a doormat and acquire external approval so that you don't have to face the fact that you feel defective.
• My lack of social connections: Be more introverted because you feel undeserving of other people's time and love. 
• My type-a personality: Graduate with straight A's, become enlightened, have a life purpose, produce an album all by yourself, and make no mistakes. Oh, and create a blog. Do all of these things to cover up the feeling that you are an undeserving nobody.

I suspect that my revealing all of this to you is reassuring. Yes, don't worry. You're not the only one that's avoiding the Darkness.