Cant Stop Thinking About A Guy

[Orange]

There's a guy in my life I respect and love immensely but he is at another stage in his life and our paths won't cross anymore. Yet I can't get him out of my mind, I crave his messages, his voice etc. It's a drug. 

Is there a thread on this already? How do I focus on my life and not on these thoughts about him all the time? 

Note. I do meditate everyday and sometimes even during the meditation it doesn't stop 

Edited August 9, 2016 by Orange

[Matthew Lamot]

@Orange

There is only one way to become free from these things.

I suspect that in time the penny will drop (for you) and you will see that all your problems revolve around one illusion: YOU

[Orange]

@Matthew Lamot your answer is very vague again. How does it help knowing I'm an illusion? Because I do understand it on some level (that everything is one, like the cinema screen) but knowing this doesn't take the addictive thoughts away..

[Matthew Lamot]

@Orange

Well, if you were serious about finding an answer, you might have taken a good look at Rupers channel, because all the answers you need are there.  Yet you came here and posted yet another red herring, which tells me that you want quick fix answers and are not ready to consider serious insight into your apparent problems.

[egoeimai]

@Orange  Hey Orange.

Its really important to know What type of relationship did you have with this guy how it ended and how you responded to this situation.

Also if your relationship with your dad is good. Its very important.

And how old are you.

These are not gossipy questions. all links to my opinion.

[egoeimai]

Also its very important to state how you see yourself! Do you have aelf-confidence?! Are you judging yourself?

Also what are your daily activities and what anout your interests in life?

 

[Orange]

19 minutes ago, Matthew Lamot said:

 

 you want quick fix answers

 

 

This is true 

 

19 minutes ago, Matthew Lamot said:

 

 

 are not ready to consider serious insight into your apparent problems.

Not so true, but tonight I'm in a highly neurotic state of mind, I don't have much time to look at deep insights right now because I have a deadline so I'm just looking for a quick fix that lasts until the deadline. But you're right, it doesn't go to the core of the problem, I'll check the you tubes when I have more time, thanks for pointing the direction 

[Orange]

15 minutes ago, popi said:

@Orange  Hey Orange.

Its really important to know What type of relationship did you have with this guy how it ended and how you responded to this situation.

Also if your relationship with your dad is good. Its very important.

And how old are you.

These are not gossipy questions. all links to my opinion.

I'm in my twenties. 

It was very deep connection with him. And it ended well. But I'm in a vulnerable moment in life and craving for this deep connection again, that no one else can fill.

My relationship with my dad is okay.. I don't look up to him as an example in my life though. 

[egoeimai]

@Orange  what exactly you feel that guy was giving you,that you cant give to yourself? It was love,affection, etc?

I said that because fathers are the first connection we have as far as male gender. And the experience we have on childhood is important. How well fathers treated their little girls,means a lot when the girl is trying to find some guy to connect with. So if you lack affection from him,for example,you maybe seek this to the guy.

Im not an expert but I can relate some things

[Matthew Lamot]

10 minutes ago, Orange said:

Not so true, but tonight I'm in a highly neurotic state of mind, I don't have much time to look at deep insights right now because I have a deadline so I'm just looking for a quick fix that lasts until the deadline. 

I apologise, I made a wrong assumption and that is wrong of me.  I'm sorry 

[Orange]

4 minutes ago, Matthew Lamot said:

I apologise, I made a wrong assumption and that is wrong of me.  I'm sorry 

Don't worry I appreciate the help Matthew

[Orange]

8 minutes ago, popi said:

@Orange  what exactly you feel that guy was giving you,that you cant give to yourself? It was love,affection, etc?

I said that because fathers are the first connection we have as far as male gender. And the experience we have on childhood is important. How well fathers treated their little girls,means a lot when the girl is trying to find some guy to connect with. So if you lack affection from him,for example,you maybe seek this to the guy.

Im not an expert but I can relate some things

I see... that's interesting. 

Where can I learn more about this? 

[Matthew Lamot]

41 minutes ago, Orange said:

@Matthew Lamot your answer is very vague again. How does it help knowing I'm an illusion? Because I do understand it on some level (that everything is one, like the cinema screen) but knowing this doesn't take the addictive thoughts away..

Thank you.

Although, I responded to this, so I did incorrectly assume that you wanted to play beach volley ball with the deep answer.  

I could give you quick fixes, if I knew that's what you were after.  The mistake I made was posting here in the first place, and I intuited that.  My mistake was ignoring my intuition and letting this game continue, I invited your passive aggressive response.  

That is my fault

Edited August 9, 2016 by Matthew Lamot

[egoeimai]

@Orange  I dont truly have any sources or books to help you with that. Sorry 

[Orange]

@popi so the theory is whatever you didn't get as a child, you will look in a partner. But how does one take the thoughts of this partner away? Because that's essentially what I'm trying to do.. I tried just sitting with the thoughts but I'd end up sitting for hours with them and procrastinate so much and it angers me 

[Orange]

12 minutes ago, Matthew Lamot said:

 

I could give you quick fixes, 

Yes please

[egoeimai]

@Orange   Because I think you need something that he has,in fact you can give better to yourself.

To make it more clear,being independent and feeling happy within you,is the best thing you can have.

I think that you hadnt the opportunity yet to know yourself,thats why you think you need him.

 

[Orange]

@popi that really helps ! Thank you! 

[egoeimai]

5 minutes ago, Orange said:

@popi so the theory is whatever you didn't get as a child, you will look in a partner. But how does one take the thoughts of this partner away? Because that's essentially what I'm trying to do.. I tried just sitting with the thoughts but I'd end up sitting for hours with them and procrastinate so much and it angers me 

In fact...what we have learnt from Leo here,is that you dont have to get rid of thoughts. Trying to escape the problem make us neurotic.

Let the thoughts be, feel the feelings in your body,be in the present moment,and know that NOONE EVER can give you what you truly desire. People cant feel you as you can feel about yourself. Sometimes,even we dont know much about ourselves.

[Matthew Lamot]

2 minutes ago, Orange said:

Yes please

A quick (and life long) fix is to do Self-Enquiry.

There is a bulk of text on my history, and s ton of videos that give you a detailed, and not so detailed overview of this practice.  It's all laid out like an instruction manual for a microwave oven, the deep shit is there if you want it, plus there is a quick-start module to get instant results in twenty minutes.

Instead of putting your attention onto thoughts (objects), become aware of the screen that the objects appear on.  Focus on that instead of getting involved in the story.

Keep doing that until the peace, happiness, bliss and unshakable self esteem that arises from letting your attention sink into its source becomes a million times more attractive than the memories.

It's the most simple and most effective thing you can do in life.