Now I taste Life's seriousness .. I've too many mental disturbances.helpppp

[John Iverson]

I'm in a situation where there are so much emotional disturbances and (that is fear), and my thoughts is super strong in my experience it's like it controls me, my mind is super hyper sensitive , it's like i'm in a reality where i cannot penetrate ,where there is only me,..  is that a mind?? And I don't know how can i move forward with this kind of experience..

before I don't have a problem eating spicy or what ever my dad is cooking now i think that my fear come from the food? Idk maybe i'm paranoid.. and this paranoia make me more disturbed..

my thoughts bombarded me with so much disturbances lately, negative thinking, negative thoughts, and it's controling me... like suicidal thoughts, stop doing this..or subtle thoughts that is so much disturbance, anything that is pessimistic,,,, pessimistic about the future.

Even the kind of thoughts I'm going to face about the possible problems in the future, and my neurotic tendencies haunts me even more... (that kind of thoughts .. i cannot elaborate all because i don't want to trigger all of them.. i try to let go and it works somehow..

but i'm getting tired each day.. what am i supposed to do? It is strong... and i cannot control it... it makes me a dysfunctional even more... 

And right now my motivation for things that I want to do begins to decline and gets low .. and,  i even couldn't go in solitude even i want to.. I distract myself in social media or whatever I do, I feel like it's a waste of time, but I don't feel motivated to do things at the same time.

Watched Leo's videos on positive thinking and I'm moving on to Leo's challenge by doing it. Either I distract myself or think of good thoughts after becoming conscious of the negative thought

I'm tired to push through, what can i do..

For example, I'm tired of pushing forward with telling myself to distract myself from reading a book, every step I've taken I ended up with no desire to do it and I feel like I can't penetrate my reality right now. Yet I want to go ahead ..

 

my problems that my thoughts are  giving me are:

1. If I go to live alone without my parents, how can I live my life without having anyone with me? It's hard because I'm the one preparing the meal, and at the same time how can I live life alone?? Where I am in control of everything ... My body, house, food, my relationship with my parents, my brother, and my potential  activities, and survival needs

2. I think if I move out who will take care of them and especially I want to build a relationship with my brother and wih my parents, but I'm in a position where I'm not there yet, I'm just starting, but It is not really actualized yet. My feelings on this are like leaving them behind, I can't imagine the future that I can forsee comfortably, and I have confidence in the future that I can take action. Idk where to start

3. I'm not used to the hard life.. and I don't know if i could live life this hard i even don't know Hard work is.. i'm a brat,and my attention is not good. (Right now this is my situation)

i don't want a job where it's like i'm pushing my self and I don't feel it

the problem with me is simple feeling of uncomfortable and a feeling of negative i used to Let go of continuously doing it

what can i do with this? 

In this time of Pandemic, Given right now i'm living with my parents no job, but i'm near to graduate, so my family will somehow encourage me to apply for a job..

I don't know if it's fantasy driven what's in my mind about a job and not work in society ... I feel like what was given to me is not it.. there is a possibility of more interesting job out there.. maybe i'm in The fantacy 

For now, this is what I can say

Edited August 19, 2020 by John Iverson

[bejapuskas]

Do you meditate?

On the family situation: you might not be able to be fully independent from your parents if you are under 18, but also if you can prepare yourself a meal and stuff, you are already more developed in this area than many other teenagers. If you don't want a job, but you want even more independence, you can learn how to run facebook ads, how to develop a website or get a friend to do this for you, you can start an online business if you have some valuable skills like a language you can teach etc...  It is really easy these days, people are willing to pay.

Why wouldn't your parents and brother be able to take care of themselves if you left though, I don't understand, are they disabled in any way if you don't mind me asking? 

[John Iverson]

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

Do you meditate?

On the family situation: you might not be able to be fully independent from your parents if you are under 18, but also if you can prepare yourself a meal and stuff, you are already more developed in this area than many other teenagers. If you don't want a job, but you want even more independence, you can learn how to run facebook ads, how to develop a website or get a friend to do this for you, you can start an online business if you have some valuable skills like a language you can teach etc...  It is really easy these days, people are willing to pay.

Why wouldn't your parents and brother be able to take care of themselves if you left though, I don't understand, are they disabled in any way if you don't mind me asking? 

I don't usually do any errands.. but i can wash my own dishes, that's it..

yes i meditate

no there are not disabled it's just a thought in my mind, because i love them, and I don't wanna leave them just like that while i'm happy although it's also hard for me to express my love to them because of the resistance of being akward to myself... I don't want to make them feel alone or not being take care off and their financial support.. 

 

[Nahm]

@John Iverson

Hard work will dissolve one’s fear of hard work. 

You are not meditating properly. Google, review, tweak. 

Life has no seriousness. Take ownership that you are adding that which does not feel good to you. 

Hard work & meditation are no problem, they feel wonderful. Believing your story of something, not noticing that is a story and not the actual experience, That feels terrible. But it’s because your story about it is terrible feeling. If it feels terrible, why are you proceeding with giving it attention? Why not tell a different story, or go without adding a story. (Brings you back to reviewing meditation techniques, assuming you are meditating every morning for an hour). 

With a permanent marker, in 2 foot font, write on your wall...

”What do I need to change about my approach?”

[John Iverson]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@John Iverson

Hard work will dissolve one’s fear of hard work. 

You are not meditating properly. Google, review, tweak. 

Life has no seriousness. Take ownership that you are adding that which does not feel good to you. 

Hard work & meditation are no problem, they feel wonderful. Believing your story of something, not noticing that is a story and not the actual experience, That feels terrible. But it’s because your story about it is terrible feeling. If it feels terrible, why are you proceeding with giving it attention? Why not tell a different story, or go without adding a story. (Brings you back to reviewing meditation techniques, assuming you are meditating every morning for an hour). 

With a permanent marker, in 2 foot font, write on your wall...

”What do I need to change about my approach?”

Is hardwork really hard?? In my case i feel like i am brat that cannot handle life .. it's like i cannot function well ? Since i was a child i am not good at school because to be good at school you must be able to go focus on reviewing but i cannot handle it.. simple uncomfortable feelings i just cannot handle it..

i don't know what's going on either.. 

but if hardwork they feel wonderful, why i cannot feel it in the beginning of my life.. i have so much fearrrrr.. before i can handle them but after so much work oh shit! This is serious right here! 

Even consciousness work.. after my shroom trip since then even i'm sober there is a tendency of me experiencing going insane ? 

Sometimes simple coffee wooah it's too much.. 

 

Edited August 19, 2020 by John Iverson

[Nahm]

5 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

Is hardwork really hard?? In my case i feel like i am brat that cannot handle life .. it's like i cannot function well ?

If that were true it’d feel wonderful.   It’s a cover story of immaturity.  

Quote

Since i was a child i am not good at school because to be good at school you must be able to go focus on reviewing but i cannot handle it.. simple uncomfortable feelings i just cannot handle it..

Well thank Goodness you’re not a child John! 

Quote

i don't what's going on either.. 

but if hardwork they feel wonderful, why i cannot feel it in the beginning of my life.. i have so much fearrrrr.. before i can handle them but after so much work oh shit! This is serious right here! 

You’re here, right now, and that is all, and that is enough. You’re creating fear by ‘going to a past or future’ in thinking...feeling remaining here, now....and you labeling love, “fear”.  Right now, you can tell old story and life unfolds in kind. 

Also however, you can tell the story you want, and life unfolds in kind. 

Reality is unconditional. You’re the author. Every. Single. Word. 

Quote

Even consciousness work.. after my shroom trip since then even i'm sober there is a tendency of me experiencing going insane ? 

Sometimes simple coffee wooah it's too much.. 

 

Start drinking other than coffee, might be obvious new story.

[John Iverson]

12 hours ago, Nahm said:

If that were true it’d feel wonderful.   It’s a cover story of immaturity.  

Well thank Goodness you’re not a child John! 

You’re here, right now, and that is all, and that is enough. You’re creating fear by ‘going to a past or future’ in thinking...feeling remaining here, now....and you labeling love, “fear”.  Right now, you can tell old story and life unfolds in kind. 

Also however, you can tell the story you want, and life unfolds in kind. 

Reality is unconditional. You’re the author. Every. Single. Word. 

Start drinking other than coffee, might be obvious new story.

So you said I 'd create a story that's different from my mind?

what is unfolds in kind?

 

[Nahm]

@John Iverson

You’re in luck! ?? 

 

[John Iverson]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

@John Iverson

You’re in luck! ?? 

 

So if the story within myself come up i just let it go? And focus to the story of another story?? By dropping off that story within my mind?? I cannot understand the video well sorry

Edited August 20, 2020 by John Iverson

[diamondpenguin]

On 8/18/2020 at 11:24 PM, John Iverson said:

I'm in a situation where there are so much emotional disturbances and (that is fear), and my thoughts is super strong in my experience it's like it controls me, my mind is super hyper sensitive , it's like i'm in a reality where i cannot penetrate ,where there is only me,..  is that a mind?? And I don't know how can i move forward with this kind of experience..

before I don't have a problem eating spicy or what ever my dad is cooking now i think that my fear come from the food? Idk maybe i'm paranoid.. and this paranoia make me more disturbed..

my thoughts bombarded me with so much disturbances lately, negative thinking, negative thoughts, and it's controling me... like suicidal thoughts, stop doing this..or subtle thoughts that is so much disturbance, anything that is pessimistic,,,, pessimistic about the future.

Even the kind of thoughts I'm going to face about the possible problems in the future, and my neurotic tendencies haunts me even more... (that kind of thoughts .. i cannot elaborate all because i don't want to trigger all of them.. i try to let go and it works somehow..

but i'm getting tired each day.. what am i supposed to do? It is strong... and i cannot control it... it makes me a dysfunctional even more... 

And right now my motivation for things that I want to do begins to decline and gets low .. and,  i even couldn't go in solitude even i want to.. I distract myself in social media or whatever I do, I feel like it's a waste of time, but I don't feel motivated to do things at the same time.

Watched Leo's videos on positive thinking and I'm moving on to Leo's challenge by doing it. Either I distract myself or think of good thoughts after becoming conscious of the negative thought

I'm tired to push through, what can i do..

For example, I'm tired of pushing forward with telling myself to distract myself from reading a book, every step I've taken I ended up with no desire to do it and I feel like I can't penetrate my reality right now. Yet I want to go ahead ..

 

my problems that my thoughts are  giving me are:

1. If I go to live alone without my parents, how can I live my life without having anyone with me? It's hard because I'm the one preparing the meal, and at the same time how can I live life alone?? Where I am in control of everything ... My body, house, food, my relationship with my parents, my brother, and my potential  activities, and survival needs

2. I think if I move out who will take care of them and especially I want to build a relationship with my brother and wih my parents, but I'm in a position where I'm not there yet, I'm just starting, but It is not really actualized yet. My feelings on this are like leaving them behind, I can't imagine the future that I can forsee comfortably, and I have confidence in the future that I can take action. Idk where to start

3. I'm not used to the hard life.. and I don't know if i could live life this hard i even don't know Hard work is.. i'm a brat,and my attention is not good. (Right now this is my situation)

i don't want a job where it's like i'm pushing my self and I don't feel it

the problem with me is simple feeling of uncomfortable and a feeling of negative i used to Let go of continuously doing it

what can i do with this? 

In this time of Pandemic, Given right now i'm living with my parents no job, but i'm near to graduate, so my family will somehow encourage me to apply for a job..

I don't know if it's fantasy driven what's in my mind about a job and not work in society ... I feel like what was given to me is not it.. there is a possibility of more interesting job out there.. maybe i'm in The fantacy 

For now, this is what I can say

The book feel the fear and do it anyway can guide you through your fears. 

[bejapuskas]

@John Iverson  Yeh well you trust the story that in this present moment, you should be confused about life, an you also believe that in some future that exists in your mind as a thought, not as an experience, you will no longer feel confused about life. You are shooting yourself to the foot with your beliefs, change them .) 

[Nahm]

@John Iverson

Go ahead, here, right now...write 5 things you want. Can be anything. Refrain from writing anything that doesn’t feel good to you. 

[bejapuskas]

48 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Go ahead, here, right now...write 5 things you want. Can be anything. Refrain from writing anything that doesn’t feel good to you. 

This really works, maybe I cannot explain exactly how, but I attended a coaching session last year, written down my top values and goals, just put them on the paper, after some time, I forgot about some of them, but I guess I kept thinking and trusting in my ability and then I found the list a few months later and like probably 3/10 things happened, the other things were long term.  Your vibration just start rolling and snowballing, getting bigger and bigger and then just all things go your way, everything falls in love with everything.

[Nahm]

@bejapuskas

Indeed you beautiful sob. 

@John Iverson

We’re all in your corner buddy, rootin for ya. 

[JonasVE12]

Hey @Nahm, What is your experience with meditation after awakening? Do you think it's important to keep meditating? 2 Years ago, I started meditating daily for 6 months+ and I noticed it really ankered my attention in the present moment. It felt very blissful. Then after awakening, I thought it was not really that neccessary anymore because you break the identification to your thoughts, so I quit. I've lived with brain fog all my life, and although it's a lot lot better these days, the contrast between meditating daily and not meditating is really vague for me at this point. The memories aren't as vivid anymore, but I do remember I felt more peaceful. What I notice from the point that I quit until now, is that slowly, more resistant thoughts were in my awareness, and although I realise they are just thought stories, they are compulsive in nature. So awakaning does not really get rid of all the egoic tendencies, right? Actively detaching from resistant thougth stories through meditation until it becomes ingrained does?

[John Iverson]

20 hours ago, Nahm said:@John Iverson

Go ahead, here, right now...write 5 things you want. Can be anything. Refrain from writing anything that doesn’t feel good to you. 

1. I want to have plenty of money without any money issues

2.what comes within such as the passion, love, and desires i can easily let this out without intervention of myself and without thinking about what actions i should take ,without  fears or second thought of holding me back, and any emotions that would undermine that desire  specially being neurotic

More desires in my heart to the point where there is no negative coming out to my mind. undermining the neurotism. just live full of desire in my heart and able to let it out with ease, no holding back( to be able to love life deeply) i'm enjoying life the way i want to without a negative thought and without dwelling to the future that something bad might happen.

(walking in  life full of desires and i can easily pull it off not having any hindrance within myself) relaxed, carefree individual..happy, just laughing laughing laughing, laughingggggggg... 

i want to express desire in myheart to the person i care, like my parents and my brother, being able to hug them. 

I want to be the gift for everyone you feel me

3. Being capable absorbing what i want to learn, understand and being able to focus on what i want to do with my life in the future, i want a brain that can handle life and not to fall into a dysfunction.

4. Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex (great sex, different experiences in sex,) but not only that , i also want to encounter girls that will give me different experiences of life & different experiences within the relationship. And enjoy the moment of living 

( i want a BOND & Different Experiences)

i'm like walking in a club or in any place where all people there i can give my quality then after that all people surrounds me they want me to be part of their life and will invite me or introduce me to other activities of life.. or just being part of their life having a relationship either friendship or if that is a girl then relationship per se.. or other stuffs we could possibly do 

when it comes to girls i just want to have a relationship where we share pur time to a different experiences within the relationship... ( THE STORYYYY) 

5. Lastly i want to give a service to people

[John Iverson]

21 hours ago, Nahm said:

@bejapuskas

Indeed you beautiful sob. 

@John Iverson

We’re all in your corner buddy, rootin for ya. 

Thank you ✨ ? i hope and please that you guys are still here with me if i post something i could not handle.. because i don't know where i could seek help.. only here 

Earlier there is a thought that come out again about if the time comes where i am independent and i get sick and have a flu to the point i cannot stand to buy a medicine and no one is here for me, that is hard idk may e i'm going to die that way

also i think of the time of cleaning my own house, i am thinking i am not used to do that .i ask also myself , how many times in a week should i clean the whole house.. oh man!! Tsk

tho, on the contrary, while i'm typing that out, myself is telling me just let your day run and have something that you will look forward each day. What do you think about that thought? 

Edited August 21, 2020 by John Iverson

[John Iverson]

20 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

This really works, maybe I cannot explain exactly how, but I attended a coaching session last year, written down my top values and goals, just put them on the paper, after some time, I forgot about some of them, but I guess I kept thinking and trusting in my ability and then I found the list a few months later and like probably 3/10 things happened, the other things were long term.  Your vibration just start rolling and snowballing, getting bigger and bigger and then just all things go your way, everything falls in love with everything.

I become optimistic after reading this ?

[bejapuskas]

33 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

2.what comes within such as the passion, love, and desires i can easily let this out without intervention of myself and without thinking about what actions i should take ,without  fears or second thought of holding me back, and any emotions that would undermine that desire  specially being neurotic

More desires in my heart to the point where there is no negative coming out to my mind. undermining the neurotism. just live full of desire in my heart and able to let it out with ease, no holding back( to be able to love life deeply) i'm enjoying life the way i want to without a negative thought and without dwelling to the future that something bad might happen.

(walking in  life full of desires and i can easily pull it off not having any hindrance within myself) relaxed, carefree individual..happy, just laughing laughing laughing, laughingggggggg... 

i want to express desire in myheart to the person i care, like my parents and my brother, being able to hug them. 

I want to be the gift for everyone you feel me

This comes with going further with this finding your values exercise, acting on it, you will see for yourself  I see you've written a lot, if you perhaps have more things in mind, you can write more, then reflect on it, ask yourself whether that's truly what you want, it is good also to keep it simple, but I get an authentic vibe from what you wrote here, especially this part:

35 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

4. Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex (great sex, different experiences in sex,)

This part not so much:

36 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

but not only that

Jk :))

37 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

5. Lastly i want to give a service to people

??

22 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

because i don't know where i could seek help.. only here

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this made me laugh so hard, you are spot on!!!!

23 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

tho, on the contrary, while i'm typing that out, myself is telling me just let your day run and have something that you will look forward each day. What do you think about that thought? 

By now you should know where to look next time you wanna look somewhere  

21 minutes ago, John Iverson said:

I become optimistic after reading this ?

???

[John Iverson]

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

This comes with going further with this finding your values exercise, acting on it, you will see for yourself  I see you've written a lot, if you perhaps have more things in mind, you can write more, then reflect on it, ask yourself whether that's truly what you want, it is good also to keep it simple, but I get an authentic vibe from what you wrote here, especially this part:

There are alot of things i want to say , next time i'm going to say more things

 

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this made me laugh so hard, you are spot on!!!!

1 hour ago, John Iverson said:

?✨? I don't know when is the next wave or if this will happen again or it doesn't i hope that it doesn't tho the negative thoughts still active

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

By now you should know where to look next time you wanna look somewhere  

1 hour ago, John Iverson said:

Where to look? I need a reassurance here

 

1 hour ago, bejapuskas said:

???

??????