Knowing that you are "That', but unable to acknowledge it

[Nemo28]

@Mu_ yes pretty accurate. Ultimatelly its suffering. So i guess its not really the peace im looking for,,

[Nemo28]

12 minutes ago, Nemo28 said:

@Mu_ yes pretty accurate. Ultimatelly its suffering. So i guess its not really the peace im looking for,,

In search for this Peace and abiding in this Peace i have cut all connections with the society and am totally alone, i have isolated myself too much, and its causing me suffering. 

[Someone here]

On 8/18/2020 at 5:31 PM, Nemo28 said:

I know that I am the "Self" or the god lets say. 

How much selves and "I" s do we have? 

Edited August 19, 2020 by Someone here

[Nemo28]

@Someone here from my experience only one, its the I am of everything. But i feel so alone in this I am-ness.

[Someone here]

Just now, Nemo28 said:

@Someone here from my experience only one, its the I am of everything. But i feel so alone in this I am-ness.

 Well from my experience it's one self.. But If you zoom into it you will find infinity.  What you are is not everything.  It's also nothing and anything.. It fits in with everything so you can't get it wrong. 

P.S if you feel lonely just go connect with some people! 

[peachboy]

2 minutes ago, Someone here said:

P.S if you feel lonely just go connect with some people! 

 

Absolutely.

I mean..... that's why we invented people, right? 

[Someone here]

2 minutes ago, peachboy said:

 

Absolutely.

I mean..... that's why we invented people, right? 

Maybe.. But do you know that you don't "have" to think of it this way?  

[Nemo28]

@Someone here @peachboy But thats the dillema i dont really want to see poeple but i also dont want to be alone. I also dont want to feel like i need someone, that would imply i lack something, which doesnt fit well with me. How can i be alone and content? Seems its not possible, i just cant leave the society and not feel depressed..but what i do is trying to detach from depression and abiding in this I am-ness so thats my only remedy.

[Someone here]

6 minutes ago, Nemo28 said:

depressed..but what i do is trying to detach from depression and abiding in this I am-ness so thats my only remedy.

So the I-am-ness ONLY exists when you are alone and away from people?     And about this? 

 

21 minutes ago, Nemo28 said:

from my experience only one, its the I am of everything.

 

[Nemo28]

1 minute ago, Someone here said:

So the I-am-ness ONLY exists when you are alone and away from people?

Its when i feel it the strongest. I dont want my I-am-ness to be disturbed, but staying in this state creates isolation, so ultimetelly its suffering too.

[Someone here]

6 minutes ago, Nemo28 said:

. I dont want my I-am-ness to be disturbed

LOL 

[Nemo28]

1 minute ago, Someone here said:

LOL

im afraid to lose it. Like i did few years ago where i was totally lost not knowing myself at all, it was much worse than suffering this isolation, at least i can take refuge into the I-ness.

[Someone here]

Just now, Nemo28 said:

im afraid to lose it.

That's the only thing you can't lose.

Btw there is no "you" who loses or gains "it".. Remove the "you" and all that is left is "it".. Or don't. 

Not to get you schizophrenic out of your goddam mind but there is really no such thing as "you" "yourself" "myself" "my" "I am-ness".. Etc.. There is only one thing at a time and it can't reference to "itself" because the "itself" s are copies of "it". You can't have the same thing twice.  

[Nemo28]

4 minutes ago, Someone here said:

You can't have the same thing twice.  

but here we are speaking haha. Idk im just so sick of myself of this loneliness but i also like it ..somedays more than others. I will just trust the univere to do with me as it pleases, thats all i can do at the moment..

[Mu_]

19 minutes ago, Nemo28 said:

@Someone here @peachboy But thats the dillema i dont really want to see poeple but i also dont want to be alone. I also dont want to feel like i need someone, that would imply i lack something, which doesnt fit well with me. How can i be alone and content?

Theres a few things going on here it seems.  Judging by the statement above you sound ilke your trying to mentally fit into some idea of what it means to be god or free or spiritual.  Like you read somewhere enlightened people dont want or lack, so you've tried to emulate or become that. 

A good place to start is just admit, your not enlightened and you dont know what it would mean to be, just stop trying to play a game of trying to be enlightened or believing you are, or close.

You also seem like you may be in a spiritual transformation phase, I'll explain.  You had an experience of waking up to some peace and perhaps some realization of a greater Truth, but there is still old beliefs and energies/emotions that you hold or believe yourself to be.  One of these energies is like a person wanting to do something with their discoveries/bored with their discoveries.  I'm sure there are moments were this feeling and energy isn't happening, and then out of the blue "it" happens and you feel discontent and want to do something with this peace you see emerging or start thinking what it means or what your supposed to do. 

This can be a hard place to be in, some traditions call it sitting in the fire of your karma/ego dying.  Next time you sit in meditation, just wait at peace, and notice the moment this feeling/belief/energy comes up, notice how it makes experience feel (dont look for it, dont generate it, dont wait for it).  Then notice when it passes, even if it doesn't.  If it feels like there is a way to drop it, do so, if not, let it be there.  Keep repeating this in meditation and in your daily life when you notice this experience arise.  You may begin to organically see that this boredom and wanting to control or do something with this peace is just thoughts and emotions arising, that you can get caught in and in so doing you believe yourself to be this and its story. 

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, Nemo28 said:

i feel like a badass like i transcend death and fear. If you are ready to die, what else there is to fear? 

The murderer doesn’t die. 

[Nemo28]

13 minutes ago, Mu_ said:

Theres a few things going on here it seems.  Judging by the statement above you sound ilke your trying to mentally fit into some idea of what it means to be god or free or spiritual.  Like you read somewhere enlightened people dont want or lack, so you've tried to emulate or become that.

probabbly 

 

14 minutes ago, Mu_ said:

A good place to start is just admit, your not enlightened and you dont know what it would mean to be, just stop trying to play a game of trying to be enlightened or believing you are, or close.

Okay fuck that enlightenment shit.

 

14 minutes ago, Mu_ said:

You also seem like you may be in a spiritual transformation phase, I'll explain.  You had an experience of waking up to some peace and perhaps some realization of a greater Truth, but there is still old beliefs and energies/emotions that you hold or believe yourself to be.  One of these energies is like a person wanting to do something with their discoveries/bored with their discoveries.  I'm sure there are moments were this feeling and energy isn't happening, and then out of the blue "it" happens and you feel discontent and want to do something with this peace you see emerging or start thinking what it means or what your supposed to do. 

Yes, i had an shattering experience of eternal loneliness, where all things known to be real turned out to be illusions. It was horrible. I also experienced love,god, i saw the dream the god is dreaming and how everything stems out from me, and that i somehow create my reality. This lead me to abandon society and cut all conections with people since there is only Me, and all else is illusion, so i dont want to live with illusion. I thought if i isolate myself the truth shall be revealed, cause i would be stuck with myself. In a way i have found it, its Me, the ""I am"" this is the truth, its doesnt change when all things does, so i discard all things and remain as this witness, but yes i still suffer this loneliness feeling, right now its very intense. 

21 minutes ago, Mu_ said:

This can be a hard place to be in, some traditions call it sitting in the fire of your karma/ego dying.  Next time you sit in meditation, just wait at peace, and notice the moment this feeling/belief/energy comes up, notice how it makes experience feel (dont look for it, dont generate it, dont wait for it).  Then notice when it passes, even if it doesn't.  If it feels like there is a way to drop it, do so, if not, let it be there.  Keep repeating this in meditation and in your daily life when you notice this experience arise.  You may begin to organically see that this boredom and wanting to control or do something with this peace is just thoughts and emotions arising, that you can get caught in and in so doing you believe yourself to be this and its story. 

I usually try to rise above these feelings and thoughts when they happen to me, i guess you could call it a form of detachement. Would you think detachement is good practice? 

[Nemo28]

18 minutes ago, Nahm said:

The murderer doesn’t die. 

so what should i do then? Should i deny my own feelings?

[Nahm]

@Nemo28

Going back and reading our convo on this thread, it seems you are a bit married to a concept about there being a second you, to murder, or kill. If this feels good, great stick with it. Imo, it is nonsense, as in, feeling is not joining you in that concept / perspective. Perhaps a new consideration...rather than adding the duality of my feelings, remove the duality that you possess feelings. 

[Nemo28]

so if i say to myself "There is feelings of loneliness, depression, sadness occuring" would that make anything different Than saying "I am feeling these feelings", isnt this form of detachement?