I feel totally lost in life

[hikmatshiraliyev]

I am 22 years old, and entered medical school 5 years ago. University is already over, and i know nothing about medicine. I live in Azerbaijan and it is very easy to finish medical school without learning. Education is very low quality, they give you exam answers, and you can give money to have good grades. 

In last 5 years the only thing that i have done was german learning. I learned it because i planned to go to Germany and study medicine there. 

But, i dont feel any passion to medicine. Maybe i didnt learn anything and this is the reason. But it is very hard for me to learn it. Should i do it? Or should i search my life purpose and quit medicine? 

1. I do not wanna live in Azerbaijan. All of my friends are going to another country and i feel very lonely. 

2. I have no money. I can teach here german and get some money to live. But it is not something that i want to do for years.

3. Family tension. I have a deep belief that if i quit medicine, my mother will not love me anymore, and there is a feeling that my friends going upwards, i downwards.

I feel very bad because of my bad life decisions. I screwed up everything. Dont know what to do. Even suicidal thoughts come sometimes when i think about my life.

Help me.

[Waken]

Well, I'm all for following your passion. Why aren't you doing that?

[supremeyingyang]

5 hours ago, hikmatshiraliyev said:

I feel very bad because of my bad life decisions. I screwed up everything. Dont know what to do. Even suicidal thoughts come sometimes when i think about my life.

Help me.

Hey man, first of all I want to assure you that you are not alone! There are a lot of People who feel like that or who felt like that in their past. Advance yourself and it will get much much better throughout the years.

 

5 hours ago, hikmatshiraliyev said:

But, i dont feel any passion to medicine. Maybe i didnt learn anything and this is the reason. But it is very hard for me to learn it. Should i do it? Or should i search my life purpose and quit medicine?

I live in Germany and I know not a single Person who says 'University prepared me very good'. Now, it's maybe worse in you Country but the Universal Truth when it comes to learning is that oneself has to do the lion share of the work. Don't think any school tells you all you need to know, jump through the hoops and learn what you feel you need to know on the side.

5 hours ago, hikmatshiraliyev said:

In last 5 years the only thing that i have done was german learning. I learned it because i planned to go to Germany and study medicine there. 

(..)

1. I do not wanna live in Azerbaijan. All of my friends are going to another country and i feel very lonely. 

2. I have no money. I can teach here german and get some money to live. But it is not something that i want to do for years.

Serious trouble. Can't you get into a University in order to get into Germany?

5 hours ago, hikmatshiraliyev said:

3. Family tension. I have a deep belief that if i quit medicine, my mother will not love me anymore, and there is a feeling that my friends going upwards, i downwards.

Damn, I know what you mean. But in 15 Years a lot of things can happen, the ones now successful are deadbroke and you are succesful as fuck. You Mum... I guess she want you to have a good life. What makes you think she won't love you any more?

Edited August 18, 2020 by supremeyingyang

[JosephKnecht]

Try to find your passion in life. If it is not medicine, that is ok, but you have to understand your own talents and skills and use them to contribute something of value to society. That is the only way you can find fulfillment. 

Find out how you are different than others. In your differences, you might find your strengths. 

Your life is a triangle composed of family, work, and passions. Try to get at least 2 out of 3 in order. Sort out the family and work situation, or your work and passions first and then try to improve on other aspects. 

[AlphaAbundance]

No emotions are good or bad. You don't feel negative based on life decisions but thoughts, perceptions and evaluations of those decisions. Analyze and become mindful of the thoughts and evaluations that are creating these emotions you feel. Please watch the following

 

[Alex4]

When I was 21 I was in your situation and I did volunteering. www.workaway.info is a very good website to find hosts. Maybe this is not what you are looking for but I think in your situation having one year off doing lots of different stuff might help you to find your thing. It's also a cheap way of traveling and meeting new people.

[Brittany]

On 8/18/2020 at 5:52 AM, hikmatshiraliyev said:

3. Family tension. I have a deep belief that if i quit medicine, my mother will not love me anymore

A love based on conditions is blackmail. 

Quote

and there is a feeling that my friends going upwards, i downwards.

There is no such thing as "going upwards" and "going downwards". That is an illusion of the matrix mind. 

Quote

I feel very bad because of my bad life decisions. I screwed up everything. Dont know what to do. Even suicidal thoughts come sometimes when i think about my life

I am reading your post and I don't see any bad decisions. It sounds like you are on a good track.

You are being honest about what you want and how you feel. Many people become doctors and are miserable because they never thought twice about their decision.

Outside of medicine and German, what else are you interested in? 

Edited August 19, 2020 by Brittany

[ls28harry]

 

A high dose of psychedelics will help you gain a third person perspective on things. It looks like you need to contact your true self to see what is important in life. If you can't do this then listen to Terence McKenna and mediate.

[Harmony342]

Take it easy, know you still have plenty of time left. I'd say psychedelics and meditation should give you the direction you need

[hikmatshiraliyev]

Plan: Going to Germany, studying Medicine even i don't like it, maybe it will get better with time. Then going to Amsterdam, gaining lots of psychedelic experiences. Maybe then i can find my life purpose, or start a business. Now i simply have a lot of fear. Is this a good plan?

[supremeyingyang]

@hikmatshiraliyev

well, its a beginning. just do something! paralysis by analysis seems your stucking point to me (could be wrong of course).

the part with amsterdam... i don't recommend psychedelics to cure problems. it a lil more complex as 1. take it 2. get healed. a lot can go wrong.

 

[allislove]

@hikmatshiraliyev

If I were in your physical shoes I would start meditating every morning for 1 hour, just putting attention on a deep breath, relaxing.  
I would start the dream board and express everything I want there. I would shift focus from what I don't want to what I want.

 

[Alexop]

Sit and contemplate about what your real passion is. Maybe medicine will be your passion if you study it better. Talk to doctors, go volunteering in hospitals, clinics or wherever the let you and see if you like working with them. Medicine is a large filed and you can pick something that can fulfill you. Surgeons for example, think about the value they bring to society, they save millions of lives. 

But of course, it might not be your passion, taking one year off and going into yourself is a good idea.

Edited August 22, 2020 by Alexop