Lost All Friends During The Journey

[dboyle]

The title is not even an overstatement. It's actual fact.

I've lost touch with every single one of my friends from childhood and high school during the journey of self-actualisation. 

I didn't consciously know it was even happening, as I was working so much. 

Until I looked up around me one day, and noticed nobody was there. 

I know that my life is MUCH better because of this journey. I am sometimes scared of what would have happened had I not tried to better myself. And in order to better myself, I did need to let some people go, because they were holding me back. 

A lot of them were not good for me, in truth. They put me down a lot. Dismissed my ambitions a lot. But so does everyone, I think. 

Having said that, and having knowledge that my life is better now, I can't help but think of how much I regret having some of those friendships fizzle out. 

I'm sure people on here may have similar experiences, and would like to hear you out and what you think, and whether you regret letting some people go, but knowing it was necessary. 

I'm starting College soon, so I'll be making a whole lot of new and deep friendships. But still, I wonder if these new friends can replace the old ones. 

[Eelco1981]

@dboyle "Anicca"; everything in the world is impermanent. Even friendships. They may last a long time, and sometimes they last only a flight in an airplane, or a week or some years. They were your friends back then, but now you make new friends.

I 'lost' some friends also. My life evolves, changes. My interest and priorities shift. And so do my hobbies, eat patterns, jobs, and friends....

The level of friendship may get intenser or less intense during the course of your life. That's all part of the game. Sometimes I get sad about it and nostalgic. But that does not last long. I do not live in the past. I live now.

[Frogfucius]

Trimming the fat is necessary in order to live a fulfilling life, and that goes for toxic friendships. For me personally, I've never cared to have friends. I got my social fix from my family, particularly my dad, brother, and sister.

Unfortunately, I'm starting to see how egotistic, unfulfilled, and low conscious my siblings are. I don't judge them for it, because most everyone I know is this way, but these are my closest companions. I even live with my brother.

But..even with this increased emotional distance from people, more than ever before, I'm actually more fulfilled than ever. Maybe that's just me, but I'm becoming accepting of my independent nature. Before, I thought it was a problem I had, and I sought ways to fulfill it. In reality, everyone is self-centric and judgmental (including myself).

Ultimately, friends, family, and relationships serve only the ego. The more you can detach from the need for these things, the better. Not that you can't have these things or you're better off without them, but just be aware of why you have them. Is it for self fulfillment that you can't find on your own? Or is it because you genuinely love these people?

[Siim Land]

If the people you're surrounded by don't support you on your journey then it's already better to pre-emptively get rid of them. I've already made peace with the fact that I'm going to be losing 80% of my friends. What's best about it is that the quality of my relationships and life will actually improve. Rather than trying to discover oneself in others, you should focus on your own unique essence. Those who are willing to follow will do so eagerly. Those who aren't - good riddance. You don't want the additional headache.

[IndependantKouhai]

Can totally relate to you, @dboyle. I let go of the friends I had, because they no longer served me. I'm glad I did that, and yeah, if I wouldn't have taken those measures I assume I would not have gotten far with self-actualizing.

Most of the friends I hung around would regularly show off their egos in the spotlight and that I just couldn't tolerate. Actually what I found out, that I had no connection with them after all, except for the games we played and the gossiping we did. Can't even think of them as friends, more like temporary companionship of the past.

[Kyle007]

The outside is always a reflection on the inside. You attracted these friends in your past due to whatever your current state of being was. Now that you've changed for the better, you will naturally attract new friends that are aligned with your new state of being.

[Leo Gura]

You're not even in college yet!! So you got nothing to worry about.

[FindingPeace]

I echo what others have said here. The most striking effect of personal development is becomming more self-suffient and indepent of the external. Becomming completely satisfied with just 'being' just as we are, on our own. The natural side effect of this is that we become detached from other people. Not to say that we become introverted hobits but that we lose our dependence on others. I am seeing the same happening in my own life. And it's a liberating and fulfilling feeling. It doesn't stop us from having valuable interractions with others but it frees us from the pain that inevitably comes from being needy and attached to other people.

Interestingly, I nolonger see people as some means to my own happiness but rather I see them for their own sake. And this applies to my own immediate family too. I no see them as individual people who exist for their own sake and not as a source or value to myself. And that isn't to say that I don't love and appreciate them, I do, just that I no longer feel the attachment to the story that 'they are my family and that means X, Y and Z'.

[Beam]

You can give them a call when your at the Top !

 

I let a lot of people go over 10 years ago when I stopped drinking and do not miss them , people will drag you down with them for your friendship/company.

 

Thought should add , brought one person with me from the old days , we both quit drinking and bought a house together and brought a friend to live with us after he had a stroke. 
Besides that I left everyone behind., sold it 5 years later and bought our own houses , since then I bought and sold two other houses and am currently prepping one for sale.

The success came when I quit drinking and hanging out with Bad influences.
My close call came when I got too comfortable and neglected responsibilities , hence why i'm here.

Keep yourself pointed in the right direction and you will get there and learn lots doing it.
 

AND be sure to hang out with winners and people who give it their all. They are infectious.

 

Edited August 11, 2016 by Beam

[Steelheart]

My experience since I've listen to Leo's videos is that i just find none of my friends are adding any value to my life. They mainly all very shallow friendship.

[FindingPeace]

6 hours ago, Steelheart said:

My experience since I've listen to Leo's videos is that i just find none of my friends are adding any value to my life. They mainly all very shallow friendship.

This is a common realisation when doing personal development.

In truth, most friendships are fairly superficial. Based on neurotic needs or insecurities. It's only when we embark on personal development that this get exposed and we things for how they really are. Hence why it's a natural stage in personal development to start letting go of existing friendships and forming newer, better quality ones, or even not bothering with that.

The subject of human interraction and relationships, be it friendships, family or intimate partners, has interested me since going on this journey. It has brought in to question the true motives and value behind relationships. There would have been a time in history when our interractions and relationships were a matter of survival, but in this modern era, that isn't really the case any more. Most of our interractions have little to no value and contribute nothing more to our lives than to fill our heads with endless 'stories' and beliefs, opinions, judgments and mindless chatter and gossip.

 

[Beam]

The world as a whole has been exposed to me lately , I have to say there is room for improvement but I like it and its possibilities.

The possibilities are endless , Gotta love that

 

Its possible for instance to find someone on a similar journey and help each other get threw to the other side.

I found two such people to bounce ideas off that support positive action , one more advanced in study and one less. Its all good.

Edited August 16, 2016 by Beam

[MIARIVEL]

@dboyle The journey of independence and personal development is the most rewarding gift you could ever give yourself. People will always come and go throughout your life, some stick around for a long time others persue a different journey without us. 

For me personally, I learnt that people in general persue happiness because we think it comes from outside of ourselves when it is the complete opposite. Happiness starts and ends with us. People, objects and circumstances happen to us to enhance our life, to add to our life or teach us a valuable lesson we have to learn in order to grow and move forward. They are by no means here to consume our life and define our happiness. 

I used to think I needed certain people in my life to make me happy and complete, and to feel fulfilled but when we go through life grabbing one thing after another, we start to attach ourselves to the psychical things, ideas and opinions about ourselves and the world around us of how things are supposed to be. Possessions can be lost and people will sometimes leave our life - we need to learn not to attach ourselves to anything or anyone and accept life for what it is. 

You will learn as you get older,  you will be more wise with you choose to call a friend and the type of people you want to surround yourself with, you will find that these people will be like minded people like you, the others will just pass by and this is okay. It may be a lonely road sometimes (and God only knows I have experienced loss and learning to be my own best friend through adversity) but life is always full of surprises.

No need to regret anything that happens in life, its either a blessing or a lesson.. which helps you grow either way.