Is anger such a horrible thing

[charlie cho]

i think anger gets a bad wrap for a lot of things. Its an energy that can be used rightly and wrongly at the same time. One of which that it could be used wrongly is defintely when people flat out say "being angry is always bad" those people tend to be the most unhealthiest of beings. Any examples where anger can be a valuable tool in life and for others? 

[Opo]

@charlie cho Anger is productive but it isn't a best way to do anything. So if something needs to be done and you can choose only between anger and apathy anger is great. 

[Eph75]

Anger is an emotion that is calling upon for you to take action.

It should not be labelled as "good" or "bad". Nor should you ignore or push it away.

Listen to it - it's trying to tell you something important.

Being attentive to anger and taking action based on it - we'll get back to "no action" - is not that same as taking action fueled by aggression.

Just like shame is an emotion that is helping you to create and maintain your outward boundaries, anger is there for you to help create and maintain your inward boundaries and to keep others from overstepping those boundaries and infringe on our "personal space".

All of this of course can have healthy and unhealthy manifestations.

If someone slaps you in the face, bully you or is plain rude, such boundaries needs to be maintained, that is healthy. It's a matter of maintaining your self-worth.

What a healthy response is, is relative to the magnitude of the "offence", but usually the best responses are the ones that don't act out anger (through aggression) but non-aggressive responses called upon by becoming aware of having felt angry/triggered. Those, even though initiated from an anger emotion, are creative and shape your well being.

Just because the anger train arrives at your train station, don't get on that train. Choose another train.

Punching someone right back in their face is not very constructive, but if they're trying to hurt you physically or even risk your life and you are defending yourself, punching might be called for. But it's probably never creating anything good except for that instance of personal protection - and of course, setting a boundary that a particular person may or may not challenge again. The actual outcome is not predictable as human interactions are complex.

If someone says something that offends you due to you having different opinions and you respond with anger, that is unhealthy and should be further explored and reflected upon. Acting out anger through aggression based on your beliefs being challenged isn't a great thing. Take that anger and transform it into constructive and exploring dialogue instead.

"No action" or "no response" is not to be neglected. It's perfectly fine to "not respond", and is often a great immediate response, as long as you are not pushing anger away and boxing it up inside you, as that's an accident waiting to happen. Take "no action" and later, once the anger in you have subsided ... turn to introspection.

It all depends on how you relate to your anger and how you relate to the things that make you angry. The best thing to do is to become more aware of your anger and your triggers and explore those. That can help you to detach from the emotional attachments that causes you to feel anger in the first place and result in feeling anger less frequently and with less magnitude and will get you into a place of greater equanimity.

Getting to such a place opens up many doors in terms of learning, acceptance, love and so on. A lot of anger is based on lack of understanding or plain misunderstanding.

Still, getting angry and showing aggression isn't the end of the world, be gentle with yourselves while still being attentive to the opportunity to learn more from such happenings.

Edited August 18, 2020 by Eph75

[soos_mite_ah]

Anger can be extremely helpful in understanding where your boundaries lie and what makes you tick. You can then work through any blockages you have from the past or communicate those boundaries with the another person after calming down so that you can work on the problem constructively. Knowing where your boundaries lie helps you keep yourself safe in the long run both emotionally and physically. After calming down, you can evaluate whether that boundary needs to be enforced (i.e. people are trying to take advantage of you) or if that boundary needs to be healed (ie you get into an argument with a friend and they are making sense but your ego feels hurt so you want to lash out). That you need to take on a case by case basis. I also really liked this comment on this thread:

17 hours ago, Eph75 said:

Anger is an emotion that is calling upon for you to take action.

It should not be labelled as "good" or "bad". Nor should you ignore or push it away.

Listen to it - it's trying to tell you something important.

Being attentive to anger and taking action based on it - we'll get back to "no action" - is not that same as taking action fueled by aggression.

Just like shame is an emotion that is helping you to create and maintain your outward boundaries, anger is there for you to help create and maintain your inward boundaries and to keep others from overstepping those boundaries and infringe on our "personal space".

All of this of course can have healthy and unhealthy manifestations.

If someone slaps you in the face, bully you or is plain rude, such boundaries needs to be maintained, that is healthy. It's a matter of maintaining your self-worth.

What a healthy response is, is relative to the magnitude of the "offence", but usually the best responses are the ones that don't act out anger (through aggression) but non-aggressive responses called upon by becoming aware of having felt angry/triggered. Those, even though initiated from an anger emotion, are creative and shape your well being.

Just because the anger train arrives at your train station, don't get on that train. Choose another train.

Punching someone right back in their face is not very constructive, but if they're trying to hurt you physically or even risk your life and you are defending yourself, punching might be called for. But it's probably never creating anything good except for that instance of personal protection - and of course, setting a boundary that a particular person may or may not challenge again. The actual outcome is not predictable as human interactions are complex.

If someone says something that offends you due to you having different opinions and you respond with anger, that is unhealthy and should be further explored and reflected upon. Acting out anger through aggression based on your beliefs being challenged isn't a great thing. Take that anger and transform it into constructive and exploring dialogue instead.

"No action" or "no response" is not to be neglected. It's perfectly fine to "not respond", and is often a great immediate response, as long as you are not pushing anger away and boxing it up inside you, as that's an accident waiting to happen. Take "no action" and later, once the anger in you have subsided ... turn to introspection.

It all depends on how you relate to your anger and how you relate to the things that make you angry. The best thing to do is to become more aware of your anger and your triggers and explore those. That can help you to detach from the emotional attachments that causes you to feel anger in the first place and result in feeling anger less frequently and with less magnitude and will get you into a place of greater equanimity.

Getting to such a place opens up many doors in terms of learning, acceptance, love and so on. A lot of anger is based on lack of understanding or plain misunderstanding.

Still, getting angry and showing aggression isn't the end of the world, be gentle with yourselves while still being attentive to the opportunity to learn more from such happenings.

 

[Ananta]

A lot of the time anger is just covering up extreme sadness with a situation, person, etc

 

[charlie cho]

15 hours ago, Ananta said:

A lot of the time anger is just covering up extreme sadness with a situation, person, etc

 

so u think anger is a flawed emotion? Maybe.... jealousy is kinda like that. But i think anger is a little different from jealousy. It can be high on the spectrum or as low like jealousy and arrogance. Sometimes, when i was coached playing a sport or when my brother was angry at me, i never felt more love than anybody at that moment of their anger. anger can be violent and dangerous too though so i get what u saying

[Eph75]

Anger can absolutely come in the shape of coping skill - which is used to avoid experiencing another emotion.

Anger can also make you feel important and powerful so it can be a highly addictive coping skill. 

Edited August 20, 2020 by Eph75

[Ananta]

@charlie cho When anger is concealing sadness/pain it's hard to recognize the sadness for what it is. Allowing the sadness to come through can shorten the lifespan of the anger. Some don't want to feel the pain in the form of sadness, so they moment to moment breathe new life into the anger with angry thoughts.