Coming across a highschool bully

[StarStruck]

It was more than 10 years ago that I saw him. He was a head taller than me and bulkier so he would pull me up and stuff. Basically take advantage of me because he was taller and bulkier.

Today I came across him in the gym and it seems the roles reserved. I was tall and muscular and he was fat and feminine. He couldn't even look me in the eye after he greeted me, because I couldn't recognize him.

We had some polite chitchat and I noticed anger boiling up midway the conversation. I reacted to the emotion by telling him "you know, now I'm equally tall" and looked him dead in the eye. He got the sub-communication. It was in the locker-room so I could easily beat him up but I didn't. Doing that would make me no better than him. I was beyond that point anyway.

His sub-communication of not being able to look me in the eyes, acting afraid, insecure, to me told me chapters about his life. He looked like that incel-meme on the internet. I threw out some questions to get a taste how his life looked like. He has no job. No girlfriend. He is unhappy and things won't change for him any time soon.

I was kind of flabbergasted how much I changed compared to 10 years ago when comparing him to myself. Anyway, personally I don't think there are a coincidence, recently I managed to get my first "real" girlfriend. Something I wanted all my life but which I couldn't get.

Edited August 14, 2020 by StarStruck

[Value]

That sounds so sweet, did you feel relieved?

[StarStruck]

@Value it provided closure. 

[andyjohnsonman]

 

 

This is what you need for when you have been bullied in the past

[StarStruck]

@andyjohnsonman I watched that episode long before but thanks

[Applegarden]

You know, some bullies of my life which i succesfully ignored and who kept just wiping the floor with my identity... i already see them failing and doing the same thing. The life of the bully is already inevitable hell, a time bomb ticking of self-hatred and the consequences of projecting it. They are caught deep in the maze of delusion and illusion. So nothing but massive compassion pours out in my heart which was not the case before. And they bully because they are unsatisfied with their life already, just waiting to be abused and burnout and do all the wrong things in life. So there is just no reason even to remember them or curse them or gen angry at them, because they are striving for your radiance.

[StarStruck]

@Applegarden true but I also know some bullies from highschool (from back in the day) that are doing really well and are in a much better position than me. 

[Applegarden]

@StarStruck No need to worry about them either, life is fragile, suffering is always on its way. They may enjoy what they have now, but it will be taken away or even threathened and you will see that they will be immensly agitated. They are suffering even now with some boredom or worry or fear e.c.t. And you really don't know how they are behind closed doors. So "that much better position" first of all is fragile and will inevitably break and they are always suffering that they are not enough and that they couldnt achieve smth or some guilt e.c.t.

The life of agressor is never good, maybe he will get some pleasure for 5 minutes from bullying you but with the same mindset they are bullying themselves and their memories and insecurities bully them. The more they try to escape an6d project, the worse it always comes back.

If you attempt to unclutch and know yourself, i think, you are much further. Not only you can take your abuse but others abuse and uust sweep it off.

[cobalto]

was also harassed and beaten by older boys when I was 11-12 years old and them 15-16. A sad torture, humiliation. and it cost me to forget it, I think that's why I started boxing with passion and my greatest pleasure was fighting, sometimes I was having sex and I thought ... I would rather be fighting now. It was a pleasure, they broke my nose 3 times, two ribs, an eardrum and two cervical hernias, and I still want more. I know it is not spiritual or healthy, but what a pleasure. I am fast, aggressive, strong, if they hit me I grow, I fight with the professionals, but I see perfectly that it is a factor of separation, of ego. but it is an enormous pleasure, like a trance. my challenge now is to do it without any aggressive attitude, only a sport, but when the war starts .... really i dream with the real war, kill, destroy, revenge ... aftermath of harassment and humiliation I suppose. I need to feel that I can go to the real fight, war. If not I couldn't feel good, safe is social relationships. In other hand, I'm super peaceful and kind with the people, but I have that need, because then I was a coward. It's the same that they was older etc, I felt fear and I felt like a coward, no capable too many times

Edited August 16, 2020 by cobalto