Addiction to sadness

[Max_V]

For as long as I can remember my mind has had the default state of finding comfort in sadness and tragedy. 

I’d like to cultivate a healthier relationship to melancholy and sadness and integrate that part of me. Any of you have tips or care to explore this with me?

All the best, 

Max

[flume]

Matt Kahn all the way Just watch any video that speaks to you.

[electroBeam]

19 hours ago, Max_V said:

For as long as I can remember my mind has had the default state of finding comfort in sadness and tragedy. 

I’d like to cultivate a healthier relationship to melancholy and sadness and integrate that part of me. Any of you have tips or care to explore this with me?

All the best, 

Max

Finding comfort = avoiding fear. 

What do you fear?

Is that fear what it seems? Can you see the love that shines through that fear? Can you drop the fear? Can you recognise that the fear is lying?

[Nahm]

@Max_V

Sadness & tragedy are a part of you like a mirage is part of a desert. More inspection is needed to see that they aren’t ‘there’. The wetness of a mirage can not be integrated, only seen through. Joy appears as sadness. 

[Natasha]

@Max_V Perhaps you have an introverted intuitive personality and are super sensitive to vibrational frequencies around you. Examine them. You might find out you're surrounded by people who don't vibrate on the same frequencies as you are. 

Also, this might be due to chronic low levels of 'feel good' chemicals. Engage in activities that help boost those - get out in the nature, hang out with a pet, exercise, try smth you always wanted to do but keep putting aside or don't do enough, high HZ music, favorite food, massage, take a trip, etc. Honor your wants! And do it just for YOU! 

[Espaim]

Above advice is pretty sound

Search for enneagram type 4 on Google and see if you can relate. If that's the case there's a lot of material specifically for your kind 

[Red-White-Light]

@Max_V

You can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness.

[Mu_]

On 8/14/2020 at 6:42 AM, Max_V said:

For as long as I can remember my mind has had the default state of finding comfort in sadness and tragedy. 

I’d like to cultivate a healthier relationship to melancholy and sadness and integrate that part of me. Any of you have tips or care to explore this with me?

All the best, 

Max

Your getting a range of advice and avenues to look into, and encourage you to look into what feels right.  What I'd be curious in hearing from you is whats wrong with comfort in sadness melancholy?  Like where does this rule come from that its unhealthy and is it, is it really? Might be a mind bender, but.....

[Max_V]

On 15/08/2020 at 2:05 PM, Natasha said:

Perhaps you have an introverted intuitive personality and are super sensitive to vibrational frequencies around you. Examine them. You might find out you're surrounded by people who don't vibrate on the same frequencies as you are. 

Yeah, that's accurate. If you're familiar with MBTI and Enneagram, I'm an INFJ and a 5w4. Always have been a very sensitive and empathetic person. 

@Espaim I relate a lot to type 4, but type 5 is my main fixation. I'm a 5 with a very strong 4 wing.

12 hours ago, Mu_ said:

Your getting a range of advice and avenues to look into, and encourage you to look into what feels right.  What I'd be curious in hearing from you is whats wrong with comfort in sadness melancholy?  Like where does this rule come from that its unhealthy and is it, is it really? Might be a mind bender, but.....

In and of itself, it might not be bad. But the adjacent victim mindset and thinking that spawns from being overwhelmed by the sadness and helplessness of the world is what is unhealthy I'd say.  

Trying to become a strong and loving man in a world that feels so unsafe, leaves me with a lot of feelings of helplessness and inferiority.

I have always felt a strong pull towards tragedy, loneliness, bleakness. The thought of other beings having to go through this alone is something that really shakes me to my core. Be it a person, animal, plant, anything. I have a lot of troubling bearing the fact that there is so much pain and tragedy in the world. I want to help, but feel powerless in the magnitude of all things that need it.

On 15/08/2020 at 1:42 PM, Nahm said:

Sadness & tragedy are a part of you like a mirage is part of a desert. More inspection is needed to see that they aren’t ‘there’. The wetness of a mirage can not be integrated, only seen through. Joy appears as sadness. 

There are a lot of things false and untrue in my thinking and perspective. Everyday I spend trying to look and observe it with honesty and power, but it doesn't come easy. I find it so weird that there is no inherent function in the Universe that allows one to see the full truth impromptu if there is desire for it. The RNG in being able to see through all the facades that are deployed in my cognition is very odd to me. But perhaps there is beauty in the gradual process of becoming more conscious.

 

On 15/08/2020 at 8:28 AM, electroBeam said:

Finding comfort = avoiding fear. 

What do you fear?

Is that fear what it seems? Can you see the love that shines through that fear? Can you drop the fear? Can you recognise that the fear is lying?

I fear being broken, weird, unaccepted, and not good as I am.

I also fear happiness, as I know the other side so well that the uncertainty of when I fall back into helplessness is paralysing.

I'm doing my best to work through it, I hope I can find the truth.

 

[Mu_]

@Max_V Ya I feel you man, its overwhelming how much death and suffering there is out there.  Its infinite.  And your right, your single body is powerless to change that fact.  You can only do what you can and feel driven towards.  Stop putting so much obligation on your shoulders, the universe is not putting that demand on you.  Its okay not to feel and think about every possible tragedy, loss or unfortunate thing happening.  You can equally think about every positive thing happening and how wonderful that is for that.  Its in your hands how you want to relate to this so to say and as a result what time of life experience will transpire.  Can you see that. 

By what you've shared, I don't know if you will be able to accept this now, but maybe in time as you see deeper into this issue, you will see that death and life are intertwined, suffering and pleasure are intertwined.  Wars lead to and are not separate from the freedom and change that can occur as the victor is determined.  Organisms being eaten or displaced in the process of another species gain or development are often two simultaneous happenings of loss and prosperity.  

But again these examples may only help one part of your mind/soul.  You and what seems to be happening externally is all One happening of "....." that is something beyond words in action, and its so whole.  Sure some things may never logically or emotionally make sense, and thats ok as well.  So much is mysterious and happening out of anythings control.

[Nahm]

21 hours ago, Max_V said:

There are a lot of things false and untrue in my thinking and perspective. Everyday I spend trying to look and observe it with honesty and power, but it doesn't come easy. I find it so weird that there is no inherent function in the Universe that allows one to see the full truth impromptu if there is desire for it. The RNG in being able to see through all the facades that are deployed in my cognition is very odd to me. But perhaps there is beauty in the gradual process of becoming more conscious.

The knowing of the full truth is already the case, in the sense (literal as in sensation / feeling), it can not be thought, yet by Is always known by feeling, where the alignment or discord is always present, & ‘felt’. That Truth can be thought, is a rather sneaky thought in and of itself.  You might be trying to cultivate and integrate what feeling is simply giving a nope to. If so, remove the labels thinking places upon feeling. Hanging labels upon truth does in a way, cover it, like labeling a mirage a ‘lake’ covers the actuality. This, for what’s it’s worth, is the actuality of what thought hijacks and dubs “becoming more conscious”. Consciousness can not become more consciousness, as consciousness is indeed infinite. There is only to open the gift, remove the finite layers we created so innocently. Happiness is only uncovered, never culminated. Though  experiential happiness like fun, pleasure, excitement, enthusiasm, is wonderful, ‘it’s’ only actual reality is the very same truth, the oft labeled happiness. 

[Michael569]

Letting Go by Dawid R Hawkins may be helpful. That book has been blowing my mind. 

thanks @flume for recomms 

[susanyzm]

I relate to you deeply. I was addicted to being sad, being a victim, being apathetic, finding excuse not to make an effort, hating happy people, hating myself, living day by day like a zombie, trying to pull other people into my world but pushing them away when they approached. I was so twisted.

Human beings are very unhappy creatures. But our culture is a "happy go easy" culture. Social media, advertisement, entertainment--everything's there to push your happy button. Feeling sad? Check out the latest cosmetics, games, shows and pills!

The odd thing is, I made a wish to live a happy life. Then I was pulled even deeper into the darkness. At one point, I was binge watching sad stories on youtube: addiction, heroin, extremely fat and bed-ridden people, homeless, suicide, sadistic child torture, child abuse, crimes, psychopaths, prison, etc. I got in touch with so many gruesome stories that I didn't know could happen. 

But as I watched, I find myself sending compassion to these people. Even with serial killers, I find myself saying: "I get it. It's impossible that a person could be so cold blood without anything horrible happening to him or her."

Then, one day, I found myself no longer interested in these sad things anymore. I want to focus on building a good life. If I can save myself, then I have done my part in reducing a little bit of sadness from the world.

So, you could try sinking into the darkness, but with awareness and compassion. Don't deny your sensitivity. You'll find yourself love life so much more if you allow yourself to see the dark side of if. 

[mandyjw]

You might try exploring music and art that's purposefully sad. There's a sort of transcendent beauty there and when enjoyed like this it's not personal. It might get it out of your system or trigger some creative emotional outlet of creating art of music like this yourself, who knows?