Something happened last night I got it

[Leilani]

For years my mind has been trying to make sense of it all. I was terrified of the oneness, the merge being lonely. I mean you guys like It was debilitating. Years spent crying and trying to figure it all out. I had an experience at 18 and I saw it all in a vision. It was a metaphor. All cells constantly regenerating going in and out creating and being created by "God" no loneliness whats so ever. I later looked on the internet to see if anyone else has this realization and started reading fearful descriptions of what I had discovered and took them on. You guys I was a mess I lost the relationship with the love of my life. We were together for 8 years but I would just be locked up in my room trying to make sense of it all. Then last night something shifted. I remembered with my heart. With my "soul" a oneness so whole there is no I to feel lonely. I was "there" for the briefest moment.  Just love always love. Not isolating it's hard for my mind to even remember but my heart got it and that was grace. I feel like I can breathe for the first time in years. Crying happy tears, tears of relief. The magic is back and I can feel the gift of this. The peace it was like the light was there the whole time but it was shrouded in darkness, all of my fears and doubts. So afraid to look but like a splinter in my brain I couldn't stop and last night it all made sense.  It wasn't for nothing. 

[Nahm]

@Leilani So happy for you! Beautiful!!!!

[traveler]

Great to hear.

The freedom is not a finding, it is the end of the one looking. Love in freefall, this. 

[Leilani]

@traveler im done looking I can rest in this now. Finally. Now to share. 

[Leilani]

@Nahm me too!!! It has been a long road. Now I can create and just be me. 

[Demeter]

@Leilani you are fortunate, indeed. Most of us (perhaps not most on this forum) seek union with the universal intelligence or soul and never come close. it leaves one bereft when all the aspirations and longing come to nothing.

Brief glimpses while using psychedelics only provide temporary relief.

[Nahm]

2 hours ago, Leilani said:

@Nahm me too!!! It has been a long road. Now I can create and just be me. 

Took the words right outta my mouth. ☺️

[Bulgarianspirit]

Yes it makes sense. I have been wondering for so long as well.God is not a person, a being but a beingness. In my highest states i just was,there was no wondering am i alone,am i this or that. It was only ecstasy and then after coming back the ego invents stories like solipsism,loneliness as god etc. But these stories are lies. To be alone one has to say i am alone.Even loneliness is just a thought, an experience if you would conceptualize it as such. It is only possible with a separate self. That unity that oneness, beingness,awareness doesn't experience,loneliness,fear,anxiety.That happens through the separate self.You see every time i fully dissolve I'm gone dead nada. Aware of nothing, beyond the ecstasy and love lies a nothingness,an existence without an observer. Therefore an observer always get created for there to be an experience aka the separate self. Tbh i don't believe anyone can escape samsara or reincarnation.There is no one to escape,you are forever experiencing yourself from different viewpoints. Otherwise you wouldn't exist and as Leo said thats impossible. A tautology,god is eternal. Infinity is eternal. Your view of life is an integral part of the infinite viewpoints of god.

It also makes sense from buddhism's perspective. Enlightened masters are not going mad shivering in fear and loneliness. They are some of the most chill and happy beings alive.If it was a mental hellhole no one would advocate for enlightment at all.

I would think psychedelics are responsible for the bad experiences concerning enlightment. Everyone gets a different experience when dissolving the ego mind while on them. Its particularly tailored to their body-mind and adapts to them. There are as many roads to god on psychedelics as there are people. Psychedelics also make you face your demons and fears. They even have the power to convince you that these things are real.You could hallucinate many crazy things.There was a guy on LSD that hallucinated his whole arm being made from knives. Each finger a knife on it's own.Pictures start moving,inanimate objects become alive.I mean we are melting our mind to get to god. Who said this was safe lol ;D. And i'm not judging on these substances but damm,they sure are a crazy tool. I'm speaking from experience..

On the other hand meditation seems to be a more calm generic way to reaching the divine. Monks and meditators don't go around forums yelling oh my god i had a bad trip,i had existential terror,help solipsism etc.It sounds funny when i say it like this even though i went through it as well hahah

I hope you had fun reading this fellow explorers and i would love to get more opinions on this as well

Edited August 13, 2020 by Bulgarianspirit

[Leilani]

@Bulgarianspirit I loved this lol so true. I'm picturing a monk running around screaming ahhhhh help solipsism. I'm so scarrreeed lol. Sometimes I think Leo might be causing more harm than good with some of the stuff he says to be honest. Lots of very young people on here who already have emotions they have very little experience managing. Good intentions I'm sure but it's really important as a teacher to really try and be careful with the delivery of your message. 

[Guest EmptyVase]

I saw your previous post 'When we die will there be peace? Will there be love?'. From time to time I was going through a similar fear and still am sometimes. Even though I never had a major breakthrough, some "Nowness" or Unconditional Love or Beingness spilled over me. In the beginning of this year I had my biggest ego backlash yet, couldn't read or hear any trip report or spiritual teaching. Everything was frightening to "me". Thoughts just like yours from the previous post almost tortured me.

But those brief higher moments I had from time to time felt like a big relief from all the ego-blabber. I really had to grin while I read your post. It reminded me of the big relief that comes with this work. I'm very happy for you. Thank you for sharing. 

 

[Bulgarianspirit]

I think this video explains it quite well.

 

As a fragment unaware of the whole you feel alone, separate unhappy.But when fully enlightened you feel complete and infinite love.

[Johnny5]

@Bulgarianspirit Not enlightened, integrated.  ? 

[Harmony342]

@traveler  Amazingly put