Unsure About College

[CoruptKirin]

 1. I have always REAAAALREAAAALLLLYY wanted to go to college. 

?Like... really, REALLY badly. At one point when I wasn't able to get in- thought about ending my life kind of bad. (Sounds extreme and it was. There were other factors to it to- being in a bad environment with bad mindsets ? Thankfully those have improved!) 

?I'm kinda lost on what I want to have as a career to be honest ? Used to "want" to be a doctor. But realized that was others/my own expectations and isn't exactly what I  *really* wanna do. (That's like a 3-4 year journey to realize that) 

? Now I'm on many creative paths as a career. But they don't scratch that certain itch.  (I struggle to see my art as a career, and am wondering if I'm author material ?) I do want to be educated. Perhaps it's just the attached I've had "needing" to graduate one day with a master's/PHD in *some kind* of science field. 

? Know this is quite rambly, but I'm super lost. If anyone can offer any help, I'd appreciate it!

[Hello from Russia]

Why do you want to go to college? What is your motivation behind it? 

[TimeGoat]

My advice is to think carefully if the debt is worth the degree. There are so many free top quality online resources available nowadays (MIT opencourseware, coursera, edX, berkely, standford, etc. online stuff). Also think about what types of jobs you would want to end up at, and try to learn about the day to day of it and see if it's what you actually want. What credentials do those jobs require? Are there similar jobs that don't require a degree that are just as fulfilling?

[NatureB]

My ideal life in 2 years would be this:

I wake up and my girlfriend is already gone for the day.

I get out of bed, drink a ton of water and do a short stretching routine with my curtains open on my wall-sized windows. I read for an hour and take notes.

Then I visualize my life purpose for a few minutes.

Work for me is doing research on meditation and consciousness, and teaching people to meditate one on one.

Twice per year I go on meditation retreats, whether Vipassana, solo or other to deepen my practice.

When I get home from work I help my girlfriend cook dinner. We eat, talk and have meaningful sex, then watch a documentary together, either about what I am studying in my life or something that interests her.

Go to bed and repeat.

 

Actually I also own a Plant-Based, Allergen friendly breakfast style restaurant, which I manage loosely. I give most of the real input over to my management team and let them run it for me, but I help out here and there. We have a nice profit-sharing system in place and all of my employees are happy. I have them on a 32-hour schedule so they have lots of free time in their lives. I help guide them in their own lives and try to enrich them, helping them avoid things that I did wrong in my life.

 

 

[CoruptKirin]

@TimeGoat Thank you so much! That was very well put. 

And thank you @dflores321 for your part of well! ?

 If I go into the sciences: a degree is required for virtually all jobs ?. 

 Think I'm struggling to accept I'm more creative/want to do those things over what I always told myself I *SHOULD* be doing. Kinda look down on the path myself because: "I didn't go 8+ years in college and work hard to study on it" (even though there is a lot to study in art ?)

And as we all know, the financial payout of an art career- is turbulent at best ?. I'm in a position know where that works and it's okay I don't bring in much. But I don't want that to be forever. 

My programming on the "need" to go to college is still pretty strong. I have a belief that others look down on me for not going.  Or even if I use some of the free resources: I'm never gonna be official. ? At this point in my life, money becoming more and more important ?

I hate that it is. I'm pretty lost to be honest. I used to be "the kid with the future and who had it all figured out." Now I'm dropout who doesn't really know what they want to do. I feel extremely behind my peers and jealous of all their opportunities. (I'm 21 and still haven't even gotten a car- I've lived next to homelessness for a long time until theast few years. But that's just a step up into regular poverty...) 

[Hello from Russia]

Mate, you seem to care too much what others think.

One group of people will look down on you because you didn't go to college, the different group will look down on you because you were silly enough to be a conformist and waste 8 years for something you don't really care about just to fit in. I definitely would be among this 2nd group of people

Edited August 13, 2020 by Hello from Russia

[CoruptKirin]

 @Hello from Russia 

 Thank you very much for your down to earth questions/observations. ? 

You're right about me caring a bit too much about what others think. Bad habit picked up from my surroundings/culture/letting my insecurities control aspects of my life ?. 

I do wanna go to college for something I'm passionate about (but like I said, I'm not 100% sure what that is any more) and to help me and my SO out of poverty with a higher paying job. (Especially since we may want kids) 

 As it usually is- my answer is probably more self acceptance. And get over this "make something of yourself or be consumed by flames" mentality. ? Overall, think all this is just be being really afraid for the future. ? 

 

@TimeGoatApologies for second tag time goat. Wouldn't let me get rid of for some reason ?