Lazy and Addicted to Self-Help - Confession

[JayG84]

I have a confession to make. I'm Lazy and addicted to Self-Help content. I didn't know that I was this lazy, but I am. I didn't want to see that I am, but I am. This realization hit me when I tried to do a solo retreat and tried to stay away from all technology for a week. I realized that for years I've been neglecting every part of my life, but at the same time thinking I'm just 'finding myself'. Just like a hardcore drug addict, I've completely isolated myself from society, gave up on pursuing any life purpose, neglected my relationships, stopped giving any kind of a shit about anything except 'raising my consciousness', all under the justification of 'None of it matters', 'It's all a dream', and 'Everyone else is asleep, I'm awake'. 

I have a major addiction to Youtube and Podcasts. These things are the devil in disguise as "productivity". It's insidious because these things give you just enough information and understanding to convince you that you are doing the work. It feels like I'm doing effortless work, but it's really entertainment disguised as work while convincing you that it's a passion. My attention has become so fragmented; I can hop from topic to topic to topic, each a 5 to 20min video just repeating the things that I've already heard and reinforcing my 'understanding' of the subject, and I think that the groove is being carved deeper and deeper, but it's just distracting me from Life. Life is meant to be lived. I'm living my life vicariously through people on the internet. I feel like I'm bettering myself, but I'm really falling deeper into a small life of isolation and apathy, while simultaneously thinking that I'm 'doing better' and 'happier' than the people who are asleep in the rat race of society.

I also realized that the reason why I don't want to live a bigger life is that I'm afraid, and I'm in denial of it. I've convinced myself that I don't want 'The Good Life', that it's beneath me, that all of it is mainstream and materialistic, that it's low-concious behaviour. But the truth is that I'm lazy and I'm too afraid to become to person I want to be. I don't have the confidence to trust my abilities to do good in the world. I'm afraid of other people's egos and mine is too sensitive to deal with them. I still have limiting beliefs that the world is unfair to good people, and that safety and comfort are the only things I should strive for.

I have to start Living! I have to get off of the internet, get back out in the world, and engage with life. I have to step back from Learning and focus more on Doing. Man, how could I have been so blind, chasing the next Ah-Ha moment, like 'one more video and I'll get it!'. I have to let experience be my guide. I have to make overcoming fears be my spiritual practice. Chasing Enlightenment in isolation is not Pursuing Enlightenment. We must be tested to be able to overcome!

[Vittorio]

The fact you are admitting you have a problem with overtheorizing, reading and consuming material without taking action is a really good thing. 

This is the first step. 

If you reread your text objectively, only a small part of it tells about what your desire are.

The most of your text contains judgments about yourself, labels (I am lazy, I am this and that, I have this and that problem) and telling what's missing for you to act.

They are all just stories.

You are not your behavior. You are not lazy and you are not a bad person.

The more you identify yourself with this stories, the more you add fuel to the reasons why you CANNOT do the things you would love to do and you CANNOT be the kind of person you want to be. 

So the reason why you are stuck is because of these stories full or self-hatred you are telling yourself

Start disidentifying yourself with these behaviors by:

1) meditating every day at least 20 minutes

2) stopping consuming self help material for a while

3) starting using a journal and contemplate your sticking points and the things or the area you would like to fix first

4) taking action, baby steps 

5) becoming spontaneous and detach yourself from the outcome

6) being compassionate for yourself, your actual feeling of being imperfect and for your past

Edited August 10, 2020 by Vittorio

[kag101]

Congrats on the awakening! ?

 

I wouldn't use the word "lazy" though. Be more compassionate towards yourself. You won't get back to life by beating yourself up this way and being  neurotic.

I also spent many years on this spiritual-bypassing dead-end. I was trying to self-heal my untreated depression and psychological problems. Needless to say, it made matters worse.

 

I have started psychotherapy (and psychiatric treatment) about a year ago, and it has been definitely the number 1 endeavor in my self-development journey. I used to be in a way arrogant enough to think that I was above all of this, that "traditional treatment" wouldn't work on me, and that my problem was actually existential. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In my experience: psychedelics, meditation, self-help, journaling, etc are all peanuts in terms of results as compared to the combo psychotherapy + medication.

 

Best of luck ?

 

 

[VividReality]

hey, I wanted to reach out and say

 

[JayG84]

5 hours ago, Vittorio said:

Start disidentifying yourself with these behaviors by:

1) meditating every day at least 20 minutes

2) stopping consuming self help material for a while

3) starting using a journal and contemplate your sticking points and the things or the area you would like to fix first

4) taking action, baby steps 

5) becoming spontaneous and detach yourself from the outcome

6) being compassionate for yourself, your actual feeling of being imperfect and for your past

Thanks man. Good advice ?I'll definitely be trying to show myself more compassion. 

4 hours ago, kag101 said:

In my experience: psychedelics, meditation, self-help, journaling, etc are all peanuts in terms of results as compared to the combo psychotherapy + medication.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I sort of did it the opposite way. Tried therapy and medication first and that didn't work too well for me so I turned to other methods, which has done a lot for me internally, but not so much in my outer life. But I'm glad to hear that it's helping you, the road is different for all of us ?

1 hour ago, VividReality said:

hey, I wanted to reach out and say

Thanks for the shout out video man! Good to know I'm not alone in this. You're right that habits are helpful. I've made a schedule that I'll be sticking to and I'm going to start to implement stategies that'll hopefully bring me more in line with a purpose. I wish you all the best ?

[hyruga]

Check out 

 

Edited August 11, 2020 by hyruga

[hyruga]

 

[March]

@JayG84

Hey,

Thanks for sharing your experiences, I've been experiencing the same thing recently. We naturally take the path of least resistance, so don't beat yourself up about it, but that is how you can ensure you stay on track:

Always take the path of most resistance

This is sort of like a strange loop: you need to stop watching videos, but this video, I swear, if you seriously do what it says, will make you stop watching videos. I'm assuming that watching videos is the path of least resistance. So go against that.

[vraev]

@JayG84 I've got the exact same problem, I came to this forum for this problem. The last year this has gotten completely out of control where I developed something like a phobia against doing anything productive at my computer. Even checking my mail causes fear and anxiety. I've been self medicating in a harmful way which makes the situation worse. 

I've also done a lot of digging finding the root causes of my feeling that lead previously led to depression, and now this absolute non-productive state of escapism. Now as soon as I look at what I need to be doing I feel extreme guilt for not doing better and causing this situation, which probably is the root of the problem. Guilt of not living up to my own standards.

There are many good suggestions in the posts above, and "One Simple Rule For Acing Life" is spot on the source of the problem.
For me I believe one core component of solving this issue is stop feeling so guilty, just accept that this is the situation now.

The only time I'm not feeling guilt for my failure is when I'm in the current moment, and is what I think is the solution. To transfer that feeling of being present without thinking about the future or past when I do the task. I feel fear, guilt, shame, when I approach the task. In this moment I try to breath and observe myself from above, be the observer and detach from my ego where there is an emotional storm.

[hyruga]

Self help may not be so helpful sometimes as it takes too much time to read. But as someone has said, reading book is still better use of your time than playing online games or watching tv.

[Aquarius]

It's good that you awakened to these things, but don't judge yourself too much. Maybe you needed to go through this to learn something about yourself. Use this information to improve your life.

Set real, tangible goals and work towards them. Goals that have an outcome that inspires you and makes you excited to wake up in the morning. Try to put the information you accumulated from youtube and podcasts into practice. 

[kag101]

On 10/08/2020 at 7:45 PM, JayG84 said:

Thanks for sharing your experience. I sort of did it the opposite way. Tried therapy and medication first and that didn't work too well for me so I turned to other methods, which has done a lot for me internally, but not so much in my outer life. But I'm glad to hear that it's helping you, the road is different for all of us ?

Well, the thing is, have you tried the traditional methods enough? I used to think that medication wouldn't work, because I had prior experience with it. But in reality, I had only taken one medication, and then I jumped into the conclusion that none of them would work. 

And another point to keep in mind is: were the professionals good? For example, I've had about 10 therapists in my life, and only one of them was actually good. The rest was terrible--did more harm than good. 

[Nahm]

One of the chief benefits of daily morning meditation is thinking no longer gets ahead of you, sts, telling a story, contextualizing self & experience. Then, one is positioned to tell the story they want. Even 20 minutes twice a day (with proper technique) can yield significant change in this regard. Reality is completely unconditional, and eternally patient, yet plays like a carefree lighthearted child. Stories aside, one discovers one is being infinitely loved without exception, always, now. 

[Vittorio]

Watching more self help Material to find the solution to stop being lazy won't help you but will keep you stuck in this cycle. I highly suggest you to start following my advices. You will eventually find your way out of it

[Jai]

Do you have a job? How many hours of the week do you work? Seriously, work is a really beneficial thing becasue it makes you be very deliberate with your time.

When I wasn't working it was hard to find the effort for good habits. Now that I'm working good habits are the norm. Plus I'm making money and making progress.

It's easy to underestimate the importance of work and how that can be beneficial

[hyruga]

Yes so you do not just watch videos. Change your deep rooted beliefs.

 

Edited August 16, 2020 by hyruga

[JayG84]

11 hours ago, Jai said:

Do you have a job? How many hours of the week do you work? Seriously, work is a really beneficial thing becasue it makes you be very deliberate with your time.

When I wasn't working it was hard to find the effort for good habits. Now that I'm working good habits are the norm. Plus I'm making money and making progress.

It's easy to underestimate the importance of work and how that can be beneficial

I just started working again after 1 year off. I spent the year being completely myself and doing the things that I wanted to do. I lost a lot of weight, focused on some of my passions, expanded my consciousness immensely, I thought I overcame a lot of my anxiety and perfectionism this year. But as soon as I went back to work, it all rushed back and now I'm missing the past year so much.
It's like my career is keeping me locked in a pattern of being. I work with some low-conscious people who aren't really on my vibe. What I do is not even close to being my life purpose, but it pays well enough and affords me a lot of time off if I need it. I know that I have to surround myself with higher conscious people and keep trying to grow myself, but now my job drags me down every day and I'm too tired when I get home to do the healthy habits I had before and resort to just watching Youtube all night. 
I'm thinking on doing a career change but I have no idea what I want to do even after heavy contemplation. It seems that I'm interested in a lot of things but only get passionate about them for short periods of time. I jump from video to video, podcast to podcast, book to book, but nothing stands out as something worth devoting my life too besides helping others in some capacity.

 

[Vittorio]

21 hours ago, JayG84 said:

I just started working again after 1 year off. I spent the year being completely myself and doing the things that I wanted to do. I lost a lot of weight, focused on some of my passions, expanded my consciousness immensely, I thought I overcame a lot of my anxiety and perfectionism this year. But as soon as I went back to work, it all rushed back and now I'm missing the past year so much.
It's like my career is keeping me locked in a pattern of being. I work with some low-conscious people who aren't really on my vibe. What I do is not even close to being my life purpose, but it pays well enough and affords me a lot of time off if I need it. I know that I have to surround myself with higher conscious people and keep trying to grow myself, but now my job drags me down every day and I'm too tired when I get home to do the healthy habits I had before and resort to just watching Youtube all night. 
I'm thinking on doing a career change but I have no idea what I want to do even after heavy contemplation. It seems that I'm interested in a lot of things but only get passionate about them for short periods of time. I jump from video to video, podcast to podcast, book to book, but nothing stands out as something worth devoting my life too besides helping others in some capacity.

 

You jump from video to video because you are searching outside the solution or something that will inspire you to finally "flip the switch". 

I did that for a very long time. I know what I am talking about

The reality is that you don't even know what you want to do with yourself, with your life etc. 

You won't solve this by consuming more self-help material, but by turning inward and get your understanding from yourself (trips, meditation and a lot of journaling).

I suggest you again to reread and apply what I suggested you for your specific situation