Depression and repressed anger/rage

[Raptorsin7]

Has anyone managed to uncover repressed rage (or other repressed emotions) that were at the root of their depression?

I'm struggling a lot right now, and i'm pretty confident that a core issue of mine is i don't allow emotions to flow freely, and i likely repressed many emotions since childhood.

I have heard that depression is anger turned against the self, which makes a lot of sense in my case because of constant thoughts of guilt, shame, blaming myself etc. I've always had a harsh inner critic.

I do feel my emotions are just blocked, as i feel a strong tension in my head, i feel like that tension/pressure is the blockage that is preventing the free-flow of emotions and energy through my body.

[Osaid]

The meditation in this video may help

I really like this video too

 

[bejapuskas]

Why do you think they are blocked? Do you think others will perceive you as weak if you let them flow? Or are you hiding them for some other reason?

[zeroISinfinity]

Repressed rage and anger. Oh boyo my journals. ?

Meditation 

Radical honesty

Alot of stuff to barf(what does this word Mean?) Feeding dog with bones and meat? 

Don't understand metaphore. Don't bark it barf it?! 

Release through meditation not verbal?! 

Edited August 9, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[Nahm]

Meditate for an hour every morning. Keep returning attention to breathing from the stomach. Days add up to a disciplined mind. All suppressed emotions will empty. It will be realized there never was a problem, just the believing of thoughts that didn’t feel good. 

A simpler way to say that is there is presently little to no focus. It could be said to be trained, by letting thoughts go, by focusing on breathing from the stomach and relaxing. Down the road so to speak, that explanation will eat itself.

’The mind’ goes to such great lengths to avoid this, ultimately rooted in the fear of death, or nothingness. In hindsight, you’ll see humor in having been afraid, of nothing. Before letting go though, people typically weave more thought stories, continuing to believe thinking leads to feeling. Alas, it is clearly seen that feeling can not be thought.

[Raptorsin7]

@bejapuskas I've read different theories on depression, and given the way I told tension in my head I'm almost certain there are repressed emotions at play for me.

I don't know why I'm hiding them. Likely they were repressed based on my parents response to my emotions growing up, and maybe living with them now is continuing that. But I've lived on my own and still has the same depression so idk 

[wavydude]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

Before letting go though, people typically weave more thought stories, continuing to believe thinking leads to feeling. Alas, it is clearly seen that feeling can not be thought.

What do you mean by that ? Aren't thinking and feeling connected ? Thoughts create feelings and feelings create thoughts ?

[zeroISinfinity]

Ok I get it don't feed dog be love. Roger that. Like I am inspector gadget. Even he is inloved with blonde and has dog. But I. Want meat. Just... 

8 minutes ago, wavydude said:

What do you mean by that ? Aren't thinking and feeling connected ? Thoughts create feelings and feelings create thoughts ?

Beleiving toughts creates emotions. 

Feelings =LOVE 

Edited August 9, 2020 by zeroISinfinity

[soos_mite_ah]

I had a similar problem regarding repressed anger. Often times I would repress my anger instead of expressing it and then spiral into depression because of this feeling of helplessness and not advocating for my needs and boundaries. 

I would say that it's important to see anger as a constructive and helpful emotion. Anger can identify what is going wrong in your life, where your boundaries lie, and what you need to change. It is a more active form of sadness where instead of sitting around, moping and playing victim,  you have the split second urge to do something about your situation. In that way, anger is more productive and can help protecting your general sense of well being. 

However, I would still say it's good to integrate anger management techniques and not lash out at people and be destructive. Instead, calm down, and listen to what your anger is telling you instead of acting on impulse. Repressing anger is not the same thing as calming down and listening to what anger as to say. 

I highly recommed this video by Teal Swan

 

[Nahm]

7 hours ago, Nahm said:

Before letting go though, people typically weave more thought stories, continuing to believe thinking leads to feeling. Alas, it is clearly seen that feeling can not be thought.

 

5 hours ago, wavydude said:

What do you mean by that ? Aren't thinking and feeling connected ? Thoughts create feelings and feelings create thoughts ?

Think feeling.  Feel thinking.  What do you experience?     

[kag101]

Stop reading stupid theories about depression on the internet, and go see a psychiatrist.

I was on this dead-end of theorizing and theorizing for more than 10-fucking-years. I would watch many many videos about this topic. I'd follow the advice of a lot of pseudo-experts... I would read thousands of people who had bad experiences with psychiatrists... Etc....

 

I took radical action after hitting rock bottom. It took a while, but then I found a great doctor and I got into a medication that fits me really well, I'm like a different person. I mean, now I am my natural self once again. Social anxiety vanished. The desire to sleep forever doesn't exist anymore. It was a chemical imbalance in my brain. That's it... I'm living life once again -- not merely surviving.

What would you do if you had cancer? I hope the answer would be to go see a doctor (and most likely do chemotherapy).

But... if you think the "Big Pharma" is evil and you still want to go down this path of theorizing and do "research" on the internet, be my guest...

(Spoiler alert: as with any illness, the longer you take to treat it, the worse it gets.)

[Raptorsin7]

@kag101 I'm going to see a psychiatrist and I'm going to get on meds... but I do think there is more to depression than a chemical imbalance.

The depression is only one part of the problem in my life. I have a track record now of fucking up and character issues that I want to understand and address. 

Meds I hope will be useful but I have more personality stuff going on that i think is rooted in emotional issues.

[electroBeam]

On 09/08/2020 at 9:28 AM, Raptorsin7 said:

Has anyone managed to uncover repressed rage (or other repressed emotions) that were at the root of their depression?

I'm struggling a lot right now, and i'm pretty confident that a core issue of mine is i don't allow emotions to flow freely, and i likely repressed many emotions since childhood.

I have heard that depression is anger turned against the self, which makes a lot of sense in my case because of constant thoughts of guilt, shame, blaming myself etc. I've always had a harsh inner critic.

I do feel my emotions are just blocked, as i feel a strong tension in my head, i feel like that tension/pressure is the blockage that is preventing the free-flow of emotions and energy through my body.

repression = tension, 'clinging', 'holding on'.

If you let go, you release your repressed emotions.

You're not letting go. You may think you are. But you're not. You're holding onto something.

It seems like you're letting go. But you're not. Inquire and see why you're holding on.

 

Let go. Embrace. Accept. Love.

Focus on your 'blockage', then relax your muscles. Take very deep breaths. And on every out breath, chant to yourself "I Accept, Love, Embrace and Let go of this feeling".

If you can't let go, and that frustrates you, then let go of the desire to let go. 

Keep doing this every single second of your walking life. Not 30 minutes a day, do it whenever it arises. 

[Elisabeth]

@Raptorsin7  Holotropic breathwork did help me access deep emotions, have you tried any body-focused approaches?

[kag101]

16 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

 

Meds I hope will be useful but I have more personality stuff going on that i think is rooted in emotional issues.

Sure, that's why psychotherapy is also important.

I do both, but I think that in my case the medication is more important. There are a lot of "personality and emotional issues" that simply went away after the med started working.

[Raptorsin7]

@Elisabeth I did yoga for like 5 months consistently, but i never managed to go deep enough to the point where emotions were being surfaced.

I tried holo breathing a few times, but i don't have the will to push through and breathe deeply. I get distracted and am unwilling to go deeper into the breathing after like 5 deep breaths so i never got to a point of deep release.

 

Edited August 10, 2020 by Raptorsin7

[Raptorsin7]

@kag101 I'm starting to speak with a psychoanalyst multiple times per week as well.

He was skeptical about getting me on meds, and talked to about potential developmental issues, low self esteem etc. I think prozac will work well for me to help relax and reduce anxiety, but i'm also skeptical that my problems are as simple as a chemical fix.

In either case i'm happy to be getting off the spiritual bypass train, and try some alternative methods to try and help me.

[wavydude]

19 hours ago, Nahm said:

Think feeling.  Feel thinking.  What do you experience?     

When I start to spiral on some negative thoughts I feel resistance etc. in my body I can also spiral on positive thoughts and create some feelings of catharsis but not of this change the actuality of life.

[Nahm]

@wavydude

What is the actuality of life you’re referring to? 

[wavydude]

@Nahm I meant my usual life things like relationships job baseline state of mind etc