Depression and repressed anger/rage

[Nahm]

16 hours ago, wavydude said:

When I start to spiral on some negative thoughts I feel resistance etc. in my body I can also spiral on positive thoughts and create some feelings of catharsis but not of this change the actuality of life.

 

26 minutes ago, wavydude said:

@Nahm I meant my usual life things like relationships job baseline state of mind etc

Have you made a dreamboard? 

From one perspective it could be said that relationship, job, etc, are how & what they are only due to thought & feeling. 

[wavydude]

@Nahm Yes I agree. I don't have a dream board I don't know what I would even put in there.

I hold some deep trauma and grugde and it's holding me back feels like I'm very far away from my true self. 

[soos_mite_ah]

Yeah I'm not too sure what to put on a dream board to deal with this. Maybe it's to lift your overall mood and get out of the habit of thinking/feeling a certain way?

Edited August 11, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[Nahm]

@wavydude

Get a dry erase board. Write one single thing you want. Something incredibly simple, like, taco’s for dinner or a coffee. That’s it. “Big” things are actually done in tiny steps. So just do the tiniest step, literally, that you can. Maybe even just ordering a dry erase board, and that is enough for today. 

27 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Yeah I'm not too sure what to put on a dream board to deal with this. Maybe it's to lift your overall mood and get out of the habit of thinking/feeling a certain way?

It’s not for dealing with anything. It’s just what you want. You could write literally anything, big or small, that you want to do, be, have, experience, etc. Anything. If for now it is to lift your mood and it changes perspective for the better, awesome, perfect. 

[kag101]

@Raptorsin7

I'm a little skeptical about psychoanalysts. It's not a scientific thing. You don't need to graduate in psychology to be one.

But anyway, how do you like it so far? Do you look forward to the session? Or is it sort of a grim duty? Do you feel you can trust him? Does he say interesting things?

 

As with taking or not medication, he is not the one to decide on that.

You didn't really describe how you feel on a consistent basis, so it's not possible to guess whether you have depression or not. Besides anger, what else do you feel on a consistent basis? Lack of vitality, pleasure, and will power?

 

All the best! I hope you feel better soon

[Raptorsin7]

@kag101 The analyst I'm working with has a PhD in psychology, and he said he works as a child and adolescent psychologist.

I've only had 2 sessions so far and the last one was really good. I felt some emotions come up that don't usually come up, and I felt like I gave him a good picture what I'm struggling with.

I'm excited to engage in the process. I've read some of the psychoanalytic literature and theres potential here.

The analyst brought up good points after the session too, he mentioned low self esteem and developmental issues which are things I've been thinking about as well.

I definitely have symptoms of depression like poor energy, hopelessness etc and I'm going to see a psychiatrist on the 18th to get on meds. 

But I am more optimistic about the analysis long term than meds. Theres a track record of psychological neuroses through my life, like the way I was raised, and the way I judge the world and myself, that I think plays a big role in my depression. But if the meds work and improve my mood, I'm not getting off them unless the circumstances of my life are drastically different.

[Consilience]

Have you tried looking into breathwork? IME it can be really helpful for unblocking emotions. I'm glad to hear you're seeing a professional though

[Raptorsin7]

@Consilience I've tried holotropic breathing a few times but i always give up before getting anywhere near emotional release.

It's similar to when i run, once things get a bit uncomfortable i just give up and stop.

Maybe that's something to discuss with the analyst haha

[allislove]

3 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Consilience I've tried holotropic breathing a few times but i always give up before getting anywhere near emotional release.

It's similar to when i run, once things get a bit uncomfortable i just give up and stop.

Maybe that's something to discuss with the analyst haha

What about Wim Hof breathing? I am considering it as a light version of shamanic breathing. If done consistently, may bring a lot of positive results  

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7

Is there any curiosity in regard to ‘how would it feel to not give up’? Could be just the feeling you’re seeking. Did that Six Pillars book provide any specific insights? Also, you might consider, if it’s helpful....going back to the op...anger isn’t a feeling, it’s a perspective. Resistance to truth is a feeling. 

[lmfao]

Read radical honesty by Brad Blanton and follow through on the tasks the book gives you. 

[Raptorsin7]

10 hours ago, Nahm said:

Is there any curiosity in regard to ‘how would it feel to not give up’? Could be just the feeling you’re seeking

Yeah i mean my dream is to be a strong person like David Goggins who can work hard and suffer and thrive. I want to be able to push myself, grind, accept the pain and just get through it. But i know the state i'm in and my current mindset, i'd quit. I'm not that guy, i'm the opposite of that guy right now. Not sure if i'll ever be that guy given how things are going right now but you never know things could change.

10 hours ago, Nahm said:

Did that Six Pillars book provide any specific insights? Also, you might consider, if it’s helpful....going back to the op...anger isn’t a feeling, it’s a perspective. Resistance to truth is a feeling. 

Haven't checked it out yet but i'll take a look soon, i have some psychoanalysis books i'm reading right now.

I definitely feel the resistance to the truth, or whatever this tense feeling of the moment is. I guess it makes sense that anger is a perspective, like how my depression is based on the perspectives i'm holding.

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7

I think you’re doing great and you’ll get a lot out of those books. Give yourself some credit ya know? You are doing the work, this is the work lol, and a little recognition of that & some self-love goes a long way. All resistance in feeling, is really resistance to this crazy love that is. 

[Raptorsin7]

@Nahm I feel like i'm doing terrible haha. Basically hoping for a miracle, but i'm doing virtually nothing other than reading, and mind and body are deteriorating.

And i'm a stubborn person so it's not like i'm flexible to change all of a sudden. Maybe i'll wake up one day and poof i'm a different person. 

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7

Meh. You’re not stubborn. 

 

[bejapuskas]

@Raptorsin7  You are doing great. It's the wise person who seeks wisdom, not the stubborn one. The stubborn one thinks he's got it already. Maybe in order to be able to grind as you call it, focus on your feeling, discover what you want, and do that  You can never do the right thing for yourself  if you don't know what the right (feel good) thing is, can you? It's just mind playing tricks on you, but once you see that you can create whatever, and become ok with it, it becomes much easier and more clear.

[Nahm]

@Raptorsin7

This came to mind. Always worth a rewatch imo. 

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=abraham+hicks+how+to+be+present+and+do+one+step+at+a+time&t=ipad&iar=videos&iax=videos&ia=videos

And this. 

 

[ravlondon]

@Raptorsin7 I was there today, look at the root of the problem and how you can fix it.