Is dressing stylishly considered being a prostitute?

[Schnaby]

I have an issue with my s.o., as he has verbally abused me of his higher consciousness, emitting that he is more spiritual, and more aware than I am, thus can control and speak to me condescendingly. He continually puts me down for the way I dress, stating that I dress like a prostitute & don’t dress like a “woman” or with elegance. It’s very hot here now as it is summer, & he makes me feel bad for wearing shorts & knee length skirts with tank tops that cover my chest & my belly. I have always dressed classy & stylish, I do not conform to the trends & dress to feel good solely for expressing myself. I do not care what others think of me nor dress to get attention, but it truly hurts my feelings when my s.o. Puts me down, accusing me for dressing for attention & dressing like a prostitute, god forbid I wear sandals or lighter clothing in summer. When he told me this & I told him I understand his stance on dressing for “ego”, I responded by telling him that I dress for my own expression and esteem, which is thus “ego” of course, but I dress classy & stylish, he continued to throw a rage and punch my car Steering wheel, dashboard,& windows, while punching himself in the face, stating that he is higher conscious than I am and he chooses to dress plain—yet is constantly checking his hair in the mirror all the time, & gets angered when his hair is messed up. To me this seems like a double standard, he can dress “plain” in his opinion yet care so much about his hair vainly obsessing in the mirror several times a day, when I don’t even obsess about my looks like this. My question is, should I conform to his accusations although it would not be true to me?

Edited August 8, 2020 by Schnaby

[Farnaby]

No, you shouldn't do anything that doesn't feel right to you. 

What you're describing is emotional abuse.

You can dress how you want to dress and if it triggers him, it's his problem. He's probably insecure and if he considers you're dressing in a "sexy" way (even if you aren't) he gets scared that he may lose you. 

[Schnaby]

Farnaby, that is exactly how I perceive it as well, so I can look past that and work with him on those fears. But he is So obsessed with Leo’s videos & My s.o. claims he is so much More aware and conscious than I am, that this belittling And outrage makes me wonder if I am truly the problem or if he is justified to change the way I dress, or decide whether I can go outside during daylight socially distanced in parks or beaches for recreation during covid 19. 

Edited August 8, 2020 by Schnaby

[LordFall]

@Schnaby Anyone that brags about being high consciousness is not high consciousness. That's as literal of an ego manifestation as you can get. All of the behaviors that you described sounds like someone who watches the videos, doesn't do the work and uses it to feel better about their lack of progress in life.

 

Up to you if you want that energy in your life and if you're willing to work through it. Takes two to tango though. 

[Schnaby]

@Lordfall, Thank you for your feedback. I have perceived higher consciousness to be in this way as well. Although I have not dedicated my life to watching Leo’s videos, as my s.o. Has proclaimed he has been studying them for 6 years, and is thus at a higher level that I wouldn’t be able to understand. As egoic as it may sound, I am educated and well rounded in a foundation of accepting others, having compassion, and putting myself in others shoes. the outrage from my s.o., as he often tells me my opinions don’t matter, that I am uneducated, dress like a prostitute, my family is ignorant, I’m ignorant, and full of nothing but lies, and lack the spirituality he has so highly attained. I have made the mistake of revealing too much about my family, that my mother has welcomed all people into our home as a child to help rehabilitate them — notably family members who had no where to go or no one to believe in them as they were drug addicts. He believes I come from a dysfunctional family, when despite the dysfunction this has built me to a better person and treat others with kindness, acceptance, and give them the benefit of the doubt. Which is why I give my s.o. The benefit of the doubt. But now it is truly taking a toll on my esteem and driving me onto his level of dark misery. He doesn’t show remorse for saying these things to me, and expects me to be happy go lucky after being treated like this—when i don’t push to argue afterwards, rather stay in a melancholy mood for a little bit. I don’t think it would be normal to take the abuse for hours and then snap into a happy go lucky person immediately at his convenience of when I’m allowed to be “joyful” allowed to be “serious” or allowed to be “mundane”

Edited August 8, 2020 by Schnaby

[Schnaby]

@LordFall @Farnaby

[Schnaby]

@Keyhole I’m sorry to go on with the long story and trail off the original topic. I have been dealing with this verbal abuse for sometime now, & have nobody to talk to about it. I have shunned Myself from my family and friends, to respect my s.o. Values on covid-19 & respect not bringing family and friends into my relationship problems. I cannot go to talk to a therapist because I’m not allowed to leave my house unless it is to see him. Thus, now I do feel like a troll locked inside my own room since March. I do see this as controlling behavior, but have been open to watching Leo’s videos to see where my s.o. Is coming from. I believe he is taking Leo’s material out of context, but from the belittling, I am still trying to understand my s.o. Point of view, and was interested in what other’s opinions were whom watch and practice Leo’s guidance. Thank you

[Farnaby]

@Schnaby how do you feel when he tells you that you dress like a prostitute or he doesn't want you to go out?

Be careful so you can discern the actual feeling from the narrative that happens after that ("maybe he's right, maybe he's justified to decide what I should and shouldn't do"). 

As @LordFall said, anyone who brags about how advanced and enlightened they are and especially anyone who dismisses your POV claiming to be somehow better than you is far from being what he claims to be. 

Now that you've elaborated a bit more on the situation I can only tell you once again that it's textbook emotional abuse and manipulation. I'm sorry but you won't be able to change him or help him by understanding him. He doesn't seem to be at a point where he could question how he acts the way he does. Even at that point, no one can change him, only he can do it if he's willing to put in the effort and he doesn't seem to be at that stage. 

 

Edited August 8, 2020 by Farnaby

[Schnaby]

@Farnaby when he speaks to me like this, it definitely feels degrading and that he doesn’t like me. Thank you for all of your input, I will truly put more thought into this. 

Edited August 8, 2020 by Schnaby

[Osaid]

7 hours ago, LordFall said:

Anyone that brags about being high consciousness is not high consciousness. That's as literal of an ego manifestation as you can get. All of the behaviors that you described sounds like someone who watches the videos, doesn't do the work and uses it to feel better about their lack of progress in life.

 

Yeah looks like big spiritual ego

[Gesundheit]

13 hours ago, Schnaby said:

I have always dressed classy & stylish, I do not conform to the trends & dress to feel good solely for expressing myself. I do not care what others think of me nor dress to get attention, but it truly hurts my feelings when my s.o. Puts me down, accusing me for dressing for attention & dressing like a prostitute, god forbid I wear sandals or lighter clothing in summer.

Your s.o. is clearly a narcissistic jerk but still I don't follow here. How is your clothing an expression of yourself exactly? How does anyone's clothing say anything about them? They're just clothes, literally meaningless. How does this work? I'm totally ignorant of fashion and all that.

[loub]

5 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

How is your clothing an expression of yourself exactly? How does anyone's clothing say anything about them? They're just clothes, literally meaningless. How does this work? I'm totally ignorant of fashion and all that.

Do you walk around outside in a ballerina's  dress for a six year old girl? If not that is because you are not a six year old girl. You dress to express what is true for you and if you are a young man living in a first world country in 2020 you will express that in the way you dress. You cannot escape that social context because as long as you participate in this world you will have to take some form. Try and dress in a way that is directly opposed to what is true about you in your experience and see how that feels. If you can't find anything- try the tutu 

As for the OP: break up with him ASAP. You say you are not allowed to leave the house unless to see him? You are not allowed to contact friends and family about him? Jesus, it boggles my mind to see what some women are willing to put up with. you should at least talk your relationship through in detail with someone you can trust. Don't let him isolate you and don't buy into his claim to be conscious- he clearly is not.

[Gesundheit]

29 minutes ago, loub said:

Do you walk around outside in a ballerina's  dress for a six year old girl? If not that is because you are not a six year old girl. You dress to express what is true for you and if you are a young man living in a first world country in 2020 you will express that in the way you dress. You cannot escape that social context because as long as you participate in this world you will have to take some form. Try and dress in a way that is directly opposed to what is true about you in your experience and see how that feels. If you can't find anything- try the tutu 

Ummm I mean okay but it doesn't have to be one particular way of dressing. I could wear a suit or causal or something in between. I don't build a concrete identity around my clothing. It's very flexible.

Women have a lot of options too if I'm not mistaken.

[loub]

1 minute ago, Gesundheit said:

Ummm I mean okay but it doesn't have to be one particular way of dressing. I could wear a suit or causal or something in between. I don't build a concrete identity around my clothing. It's very flexible.

Yeah sure. My point is exactly the opposite. You build a way of dressing and expressing yourself around your concrete identity.

Why can you choose between suit and casual but don't have the options women have or just wear a toga? Because you are not a woman and not a man living in ancient Rome.

You are something specific and won't get around expressing that.

[Gesundheit]

42 minutes ago, loub said:

Yeah sure. My point is exactly the opposite. You build a way of dressing and expressing yourself around your concrete identity.

Why can you choose between suit and casual but don't have the options women have or just wear a toga? Because you are not a woman and not a man living in ancient Rome.

You are something specific and won't get around expressing that.

What you're saying is obvious but I'm talking within the context of the thread.

As long as I have different options, it's not that much of a problem. If my partner doesn't like me wearing suits, I'll wear casual, no big deal. And vice-versa, no problem. No one needs to get emotional about what their partner wants or prefers. If my partner disliked my style, I could find other options that would still "express" myself. It's very flexible unless they're asking me to wear clown make-up ?

But yeah, that guy is a jerk still, regardless.

Edited August 9, 2020 by Gesundheit

[soos_mite_ah]

Raging, punching things, and getting that triggered about something to where you hurt someone you care about is the opposite of being higher consciousness. This person sounds abusive. Whether a person watches Leo's videos or talks about consciousness has nothing to do with the way this person is treating you. 

On 8/8/2020 at 1:56 PM, Keyhole said:

If you're dressing to express what is on the inside it's fine.

If you're dressing to impress others then that is ego.

Either way, dress how you want.

I definitely agree with this quote. It is more constructive than anything your s.o. is saying. This person is likely acting out of a lot of insecurity in regards to losing you and your ability to express yourself. Acting out of insecurity=/= consciousness 

[Bittu]

I think your significant other has the good ol' spiritual ego and hes just being an insecure ass.

I would seriously reconsider the dating. Easier said than done, I know.

[Schnaby]

I see this as abuse but according to him, he is only acting like this towards me because “i act” like a child. According to him I have no depth with my words, that they don’t follow suit with my actions, And that my values go against his values. He tells me not to talk about my mother, my childhood, my loved ones. He accuses me of cheating on him when he goes vacant on me and doesn’t talk to me for weeks. Yet he calls me passive aggressive. He doesn’t let me get a word in, after I silently listen to him. I have brought up that he is manipulative and controlling, and he says that I deserve that abuse because I’m not self aware or have consciousness like him. He blames me for triggering his mental illness. I am truly the fool in this to stick with somebody for the good side of him I was so tricked into believing he was, when I started working with him and dating him. He has never said any good affirmations towards me, if at all once. I am honestly shocked that people like this exists, and that someone would ever treat me like this, when I am a strong believer in treat others how you want to be treated. I would give my heart and soul, or a listening ear to anybody in need, I try to see the good in all people. most of all, I try to make people feel good. I even get mocked at for trying to have fun and laugh..as I believe laughter is the best medicine. I am honestly scared at this point, I am afraid to leave my house, he has instilled fear in me to talk to my friends and loved ones, & it is unlike my character to be ignoring them. Most all, threading back to the original topic, most days I am wearing yoga pants, a Band tshirt,& the same vans slip ons! Occasionally I will dress nice and get glamorous. I didn’t realize it was such “devilry” Or “low conscious” to in somebody else’s eyes. 

[Bittu]

You're dealing with a narcissistic personality it sounds to me.

One strategy for dealing with a narcissist or sociopath is to act like a “gray rock,” meaning that you become uninteresting and unresponsive. Using the Gray Rock method, your objective is to make someone lose interest in you. You don't feed their needs for drama or attention.

[Shir]

@Schnaby This is EMOTIONAL ABUSE. Girl, run !!!!! You have done NOTHING wrong. You do not deserve to be treated like this.