Fear of wasting this Life doing Consciousness work

[Mirko]

It's been 5 years - doing full-time consciousness work 14h daily + psychedelics.

I have a feeling that I am wasting my life... I've heard of spiritual seekers wasting 50 years of spiritual seeking.

I hoped that so many hours I put into consciousness work will speed things up...

So I have a dilemma - continue consciousness work OR go back into the matrix and do anything to deceive myself again (with help of drinking alcohol, junk food etc.)

What if my souls plan for this life is being in the matrix? I do not know... My internal GPS is broken. I have zero intuition.

 

[traveler]

What are you working towards? 

[DecemberFlower]

How you managed to have such discipline and enough time to do consciousness work 14h daily?

[Seraphim]

Wow your discipline is insane! I really admire that. But I'm not sure hard work is the way to get what you want. All my awakenings happened without even trying, just receiving spiritual transmissions and contemplating on non-dual truths for fun. When you watch this video, can you feel the energies from the transmission? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5hZMFsAoqo

If not, then I would actually put my focus on developing my sensitivity/intuition first. There are a lot of free resources for that online.

Edited August 7, 2020 by Seraphim

[LfcCharlie4]

Sounds to me in your case it’s not a case of needing to work harder and harder, as you are at a brick wall, and the harder you work, the more you’re going to smack that brick wall. 
 

You should be doing this out of love, not because you feel you have to, if that’s the case, then I would recommend taking a break, and doing practices you actually enjoy. 
 

Remember, the point of spirituality is to enhance your life and reveal the wonder and beauty of life, not make it some horrific struggle! 

[Psychventure]

What is your age man? 

 

[Waken]

Why aren't you doing what you love doing? Throw these ideas of 'I have to do x and x in order to get x' out of the window. It's garbage  
What you do is what you become. And what you do and think is a statement always to the universe and it will support whatever you're saying to it. When you're grinding at doing 'consciousness' work, which you actually don't want to do in the way you do it, otherwise you wouldn't post the above, you're becoming someone who is struggling, and signing to the life that that's what you are and it will reflect that.

If you do what you love most at any moment (could be taking a walk or whatever), you're transforming yourself into your full potential. Your unique way of being! You doing what you love at any moment is a statement to the universe and it'll support you. Of course, this can't go any other way than you living your most fulfilled and actualized life.

Edited August 7, 2020 by Waken

[smurf88]

You could do one or the other, or find a way to balance both. In most cases the middle route is the most sustainable.

[dvdas]

perhaps you are feeling that consiousness work is something that you should do. once i felt this way i completely dropped it. there are thousand ways you can grow outside of enlightenment. If enlightenment is something you value perhaps you should first outgrow other things in your life. And then once you really want it you can get back to it 100%, which is what will get you closer to it. i

In the end there is no right way to live. we chose the way we live our lives. The best we can do is to know we had that integrity and we didnt let ideology, beliefs or our avoidance of suffering to guide our decisions. 

best of luck my friend

Edited August 7, 2020 by dvdas

[Gesundheit]

The only way you will waste your life is by being unhappy.

[Mu_]

3 hours ago, Mirko said:

It's been 5 years - doing full-time consciousness work 14h daily + psychedelics.

I have a feeling that I am wasting my life... I've heard of spiritual seekers wasting 50 years of spiritual seeking.

I hoped that so many hours I put into consciousness work will speed things up...

So I have a dilemma - continue consciousness work OR go back into the matrix and do anything to deceive myself again (with help of drinking alcohol, junk food etc.)

What if my souls plan for this life is being in the matrix? I do not know... My internal GPS is broken. I have zero intuition.

 

Ya like traveler asked, what are you hoping to reach?  And equally important, what are you trying to no longer experience or get away from or solve so it no longer happens.

[herghly]

What are you doing to support yourself..

[Heart of Space]

You the great irony is that once you get close to death you'll have the feeling that you wasted your life NOT doing consciousness work and instead chose to chase meaningless things.  

Either way, the end result will likely be the same, so do what you will.  

Edited August 9, 2020 by Heart of Space

[wwhy]

Option 1: continue consciousness work

Option 2: go back into the matrix and do anything to deceive myself again (with help of drinking alcohol, junk food )

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Option 3: Realize you are facing a false dilemma.

Someone who can afford to spend 5 years full-time exclusively practicing spiritual growth has hundreds of other options that 99% of humanity can only dream of. Use your imagination.

Edited August 9, 2020 by wwhy