How my life changed after my deepest awakening. (post-trip report)

[inFlow]

I was on a solo retreat for a week, it was the first one I ever done. I did a lot of kriya yoga, meditation, physical yoga, reading and just sitting with the sound of the forest. On the last day I dropped 170~ug lsd. And oh boy did I awake to my true self. I just sat on the grass looking at a flower field just observing life as it was. It was very beautiful. Then I noticed that I could concentrate not on one spot, but to kinda look at the whole thing without focusing on anything but focusing on everything at the same time. And it was very weird and unusual to do this for some reason so I did it for some time observing what it is as it got weirder and weirder. On the back of my mind I got a little taste that somehow a feedback-loop is happening, but I didn't understand what it was, so I just observed it sitting very still of focused, and after like a minute or so I realized that I'am Consciousness. As soon as that realization happened the ego died. It shut down for about a half an hour leaving me time to explore what I actually am. There was a clear separation from my true self and the ego(the mind). And I felt so empty inside. Just a total nothing, empty nothingness, but there I was. And as soon as I saw that, I saw that in other people, the exact same emptiness. Also I felt like I could go inside my head and reach myself so I just laid on the grass and went inside myself like in self-inquiry and I saw a lot of visuals, a something! So I tried to understand what that it, what consciousness is, but as soon as I started to look what it is it always was one step ahead of me. It was like catching my own tail. And so I realized that I cannot grasp myself because that would take infinity and yet I wouldn't be able to catch me as consciousness is a STRANGE LOOP, I can only BE Myself. So that was the best BEING moment in my entire life. Consciousness is so beautiful. Also the possibility of death to consciousness doesn't exist. It's eternal with no beginning and no end, forever just being. This realization just awe-struck me. I was in complete shock to find my true self with a very clear separation from the ego me. And in that ego-death state I understood that I still have to have some kind of ego and it has to come back eventually in order for the bodies survival. As being in such a consciousness state you no longer care what ever happens to you. Then slowly my ego creeped back in, but I could tell from that awakening I was no longer the same anymore.

So what changed after this? I completely realized all of my bad habits which I had. Meditation, Yoga, physical exercise is a MUST now in my life. Also I completely dropped smoking cigarettes and weed. I instantly had a higher motivation to be a better human being to this planet. My sense of Self expanded as I understand that I'am everyone more than ever. So I wouldn't ever litter in my city as I understand that I'am everything and I will still be alive when this body dies out, so this body as an ego has to not shit on this planet as it shits to myself in the future. I re-thought my entire life and got a new sense of direction and passion in life filled with Love and Understanding. Also it was my first breakthrough trip, as my earlier ones were very fear based as I even though that psychedelics weren't for me. I learned how to work with them, what it does and how to come down easily from them without getting tangled in fear.

Psychedelics sure do change a person. In the future I no longer will be using weed for spiritual purposes as it comes with tons of baggage and very unhealthy for the mind and over-all motivation in life. But psychedelics sure are dangerous, so take care and do them slowly and work yourself up little by little. Also doing psychedelics requires a lot of self-awareness which I didn't have earlier.

Also I missed some points, but I just wanted to share my changes which I'am very happy about.

[Leo Gura]

Great work.

You got it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But there's more

[LfcCharlie4]

Awesome bro, yeah, I agree with the weed, sure treat yourself every now and then as a celebration if you wish to, but smoking everyday in the long run is likely to have plenty of negative effects. I got into it around 17, and am almost 21 now and the same guys are still smoking daily and doing the same things as 3-4 years ago, when you can truly love life sober, getting high / drunk or whatever becomes a fun thing to do here and there, not a necessity or a habit. 

[inFlow]

24 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

But there's more

First awakenings were nothing compared to what I experienced now. Thank you for the work that you do, I learned so much from you, wouldn't be able to reach such levels of consciousness with my own research. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU.

[inFlow]

24 minutes ago, LfcCharlie4 said:

when you can truly love life sober

YES YES YES! Sober is the new high! Oh well im probably gonna clean out my system for the coming month or so, but yeah now that I'am awake, that I know what I'am on the grand scale life is way way more fun now!

[inFlow]

55 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Great work.

You got it

 

 

Edited August 6, 2020 by inFlow

[OBEler]

@inFlow "I learned how to work with them, what it does and how to come down easily from them without getting tangled in fear."

How Did you Do that? I am still not relaxed during tripping with lsd. 

Great report by the way, you lucky one?

Edited August 6, 2020 by OBEler

[SoonHei]

@inFlow lovely

i have recently also had the very same changes as you had

about the non-smoking and non-littering 
working on the healthier eating

but the weed n littering is gone. final. non-conditional and immediate effect.

we got this bruh <3

 

 

 

2 hours ago, inFlow said:

So I wouldn't ever litter in my city as I understand that I'am everything and I will still be alive when this body dies out, so this body as an ego has to not shit on this planet as it shits to myself in the future.

"The one who plants trees, knowing that he will never sit in their shade, has at least started to understand the meaning of life.”

[Grateful Dead]

1 hour ago, OBEler said:

How Did you Do that? I am still not relaxed during tripping with lsd. 

Set the Intention to work on that fear and to overcome it

[inFlow]

@OBEler oh I went through like 5 bad consecutive trips, frustrated and being sad about it this time I felt ok to try it again, also I did a trip, about 100ug, one week prior to the retreat. I actually just sat at home and observed everything, how I was feeling, what the mind was saying and how does the trip affect me in all sorts of way. I wanted to ACTUALLY understand what the fuck is going on, the intention was that. And I actually was able to have a good trip, my first one! I had no mystical experiences on that trip, because the intention was to see how strong the stuff was and if I still can handle it or I shouldnt fuck with it, so I just observed it, filmed myself talking about how I felt, what was going on, what thoughts come up etc. Like 10 short videos in an hour during the come up. But the best change for me was that I could handle the come down of the trip, which for my previous trips were horrible. The changing back to sober consciousness felt so uncomfortable filled with anxiety and fear. I poo-pooed psichedelics after my unsuccesful attempts, but still knew in the back of my mind that they are a powerful tool, because bad trips still taught me something, I had tons of insights, but the over-all trip was bad. You have to learn how to use them, and also have the intention for using them, not just doing them random.

[inFlow]

@SoonHei oh wow this qoute is soo beautiful!! Thank you <3

[Adamq8]

3 hours ago, inFlow said:

I was on a solo retreat for a week, it was the first one I ever done. I did a lot of kriya yoga, meditation, physical yoga, reading and just sitting with the sound of the forest. On the last day I dropped 170~ug lsd. And oh boy did I awake to my true self. I just sat on the grass looking at a flower field just observing life as it was. It was very beautiful. Then I noticed that I could concentrate not on one spot, but to kinda look at the whole thing without focusing on anything but focusing on everything at the same time. And it was very weird and unusual to do this for some reason so I did it for some time observing what it is as it got weirder and weirder. On the back of my mind I got a little taste that somehow a feedback-loop is happening, but I didn't understand what it was, so I just observed it sitting very still of focused, and after like a minute or so I realized that I'am Consciousness. As soon as that realization happened the ego died. It shut down for about a half an hour leaving me time to explore what I actually am. There was a clear separation from my true self and the ego(the mind). And I felt so empty inside. Just a total nothing, empty nothingness, but there I was. And as soon as I saw that, I saw that in other people, the exact same emptiness. Also I felt like I could go inside my head and reach myself so I just laid on the grass and went inside myself like in self-inquiry and I saw a lot of visuals, a something! So I tried to understand what that it, what consciousness is, but as soon as I started to look what it is it always was one step ahead of me. It was like catching my own tail. And so I realized that I cannot grasp myself because that would take infinity and yet I wouldn't be able to catch me as consciousness is a STRANGE LOOP, I can only BE Myself. So that was the best BEING moment in my entire life. Consciousness is so beautiful. Also the possibility of death to consciousness doesn't exist. It's eternal with no beginning and no end, forever just being. This realization just awe-struck me. I was in complete shock to find my true self with a very clear separation from the ego me. And in that ego-death state I understood that I still have to have some kind of ego and it has to come back eventually in order for the bodies survival. As being in such a consciousness state you no longer care what ever happens to you. Then slowly my ego creeped back in, but I could tell from that awakening I was no longer the same anymore.

So what changed after this? I completely realized all of my bad habits which I had. Meditation, Yoga, physical exercise is a MUST now in my life. Also I completely dropped smoking cigarettes and weed. I instantly had a higher motivation to be a better human being to this planet. My sense of Self expanded as I understand that I'am everyone more than ever. So I wouldn't ever litter in my city as I understand that I'am everything and I will still be alive when this body dies out, so this body as an ego has to not shit on this planet as it shits to myself in the future. I re-thought my entire life and got a new sense of direction and passion in life filled with Love and Understanding. Also it was my first breakthrough trip, as my earlier ones were very fear based as I even though that psychedelics weren't for me. I learned how to work with them, what it does and how to come down easily from them without getting tangled in fear.

Psychedelics sure do change a person. In the future I no longer will be using weed for spiritual purposes as it comes with tons of baggage and very unhealthy for the mind and over-all motivation in life. But psychedelics sure are dangerous, so take care and do them slowly and work yourself up little by little. Also doing psychedelics requires a lot of self-awareness which I didn't have earlier.

Also I missed some points, but I just wanted to share my changes which I'am very happy about.

Awesome! Im really glad for you m8! 

[inFlow]

@Adamq8 thank you, im glad to be at service to myself now

[Marten]

@inFlow High five!

Whenever life is challenging or there is a "bad" trip, remeber: Something great is about to happen! And it is!

[Pouya]

@inFlow Love you, <3

[Nahm]

@inFlow

Awesome!!! Congrats!

[inFlow]

@Pouya @Nahm  So much Love.

[cobalto]

Im a professional marihuana producer and lately I'm thinking that maybe my work is negative, that maybe the world d be better without weed. When I was a teen it opened my mind but later...it was a shit. Now I never use, make my compulsive thinking more compulsive. But I love to do the perfect marihuana

[inFlow]

@cobalto there are alcoholics which alcohol companies are surelly aware of. There are fat people which food companies are aware of. And then theres also weed, drugs and othet stuff. Beings get hooked on anything and I do mean ANYTHING. Its very nice to hear you are being honest about your own product which means you are Conscious about the negative impact which it might have. Im also talking to my friends who are smokers and they give me same negative feedback about it. But they are still addicted to it so they still use it to better their sleep which still is a problem.

You can always grow CBD weed! I would like to try it out and see what effect does it produce over-all, does it change anything and is it significant. Smoking hash is way different compared to weed, it doesnt give so much anxiety cause of the higher CBD levels.

[Dodo]

19 hours ago, inFlow said:

I instantly had a higher motivation to be a better human being to this planet.

I've had the similar experience recently (at the full moon) when I met what I could describe as my soul mate.  It was like meeting myself in female form. Girls can be a substitute to LSD, I guess it might be more about recognizing the love, rather than the object that gets one to that Love recognition. 

And even though I fucked it up romantically, as I am shit at romance, I have an abundance of energy and I spend most my time just sitting in nature really and not in a state of waiting, but in a state of enjoying my existence. Even expressed the energy through a painting or two. Epic stuff. But maybe I will try some LSD in future. Not on the cards yet.  

Edited August 7, 2020 by Dodo