In Your Opinion, How Bullshit Is This Ted Talk?

[WhatAmI]

millions of people have seen this video and agree with what he says. which is great, its all great.

but why do I think its bullshit (at this point in life)? relationships are a distraction. having a boyfriend is not going to make me happy. its an illusion. 

his body is going to die. our future children are going to die. the 'perfect' life that we would spend 30 years building is just going to be past onto other humans who themselves will spend THEIR entire lives building illusions.

All my life i have made my top priority about being validated by a boyfriend. being loved by something external to me.

the amount of years gone, the amount of effort, WASTED on that shit, when what I SHOULD have been finding my True self. 

The speaker in the video is promoting self-image, of loving others when in reality, none of us TRULY know what it is like to love. How can you love someone's true nature when you don't even know what your true nature is.

I realised that I never 'really' knew what love was. Guys in the past have made me comfortable with the ego that I tried so hard to maintain. but none of it is real. and now I am seeing someone that I actually care about but I know it isn't going to make me happy.

what's going to make me happy is knowing what True existence is. 

sorry if this sounds so fucking negative but honestly I need to vent this out. when i try to talk to people about this in real life, they just tell me to "get out and live life" and then i go out and have fun and enjoy life for a moment, I always come back to this question of "What am I". and then I get annoyed at myself for giving into social pressure and fitting into the cultural mould that everyone else is forming into. 

for those that have watched this video - how do you guys approach relationships in this physical life whilst pursuing enlightenment? how can you have a normal relationship, KNOWING full well that in pursuing enlightenment work, that this relationship isn't real? the relationship is happening inside awareness. The guy that I am currently interested in is into spirituality as well, but I can sense myself resisting any progress with him because I know that I cannot give him the love/affection that he deserves, without knowing myself what love/truth/reality really is. 

I feel bad because we were hooking up and it was like a super intense/romantic moment and then halfway through it, i had this sinking feeling in me that "this isn't real". and there was this ache in my chest. and he kept on asking me "what's wrong", and I was like "nothing". because literally there is 'nothing' wrong, its just a fucking idea that something is wrong. and I am observing myself getting fucking worked up over a fucking perception that is distracting me from me.

I'm so annoyed at myself honestly for being so concerned about this petty/trivial human problem, but i feel like if I get some closure about how to approach it, then i will have less monkey chatter about it and can be calm with it, thus freeing up time to do more serious enlightenment work.

 

Edited August 6, 2016 by WhatAmI

[ProblemSolving]

don't see the stuff in your past as something that you wasted time on. where you are now is where you are supposed to be. you really circle around this relationship topic. you decide whether you are in a relationship or not. there is no right or wrong. 

23 minutes ago, WhatAmI said:

how do you guys approach relationships in this physical life whilst pursuing enlightenment? how can you have a normal relationship, KNOWING full well that in pursuing enlightenment work, that this relationship isn't real? the relationship is happening inside awareness

you just do. don't use the word "normal". if the relationship isn't real, then also your life isn't. nothing is real. who cares? as long as you worry about that kind of stuff you shouldn't focus on the question "what am i?" but rather on "who am i?"

not trying to answer that question for you, but i think that you are a some sort of a woman that is stuck between different ideas that she heard somewhere. 

i used to like the ted talks. but i havent watched any recently. maybe because none of it really affected me. all the videos about life purpose, happiness, porn addiction and stuff, i watched it and it didn't change me at all.

[Pelin]

@WhatAmI I actually liked this talk. Unlike other TED talks, the speaker does not speak from a first person point of view. It's actually the result of 75 years of hard work. And not to forget, the people they studied are probably not enlightened human beings. According to Leo, 99.99 % of humans are not enlightened. Don't expect to find sources that talk about how "happy" lonely people are. Most people cannot handle loneliness.
So I believe the study's results are scientific, that people who are surrounded by healthy relationships are less depressed and face less anxiety in life, which helps their body live longer. And people who get lonely might suffer from some psychological problems, which in turn lead to illness and memory loss.

Quote

The speaker in the video is promoting self-image, of loving others when in reality, none of us TRULY know what it is like to love. How can you love someone's true nature when you don't even know what your true nature is.

 

I don't remember him mentioning "love". He mentions healthy relationships. 

2 hours ago, WhatAmI said:

his body is going to die. our future children are going to die. the 'perfect' life that we would spend 30 years building is just going to be past onto other humans who themselves will spend THEIR entire lives building illusions.

going to die, yes. But the greatest thing you are missing is the moment. I don't pursue enlightenment per se, I pursue self-actualization and if enlightenment comes with it, it is more than welcome. If it doesn't, it means I am not ready. People who are enlightened say that when you are enlightened you will see nothing is real. But does it stop them from living? No. So of course there are things that they see and we don't in this "not real" business.

But saying that nothing is real now to myself, an unenlightened being, I cannot comprehend it. Then why honor something I cannot comprehend yet? If you care about that person, don't let the thoughts "this is not real" put you back. You will have plenty of time to ponder if/when you achieve enlightenment  Or, wait, no, time isn't real either.

[askdfjnak]

On 06/08/2016 at 8:50 PM, WhatAmI said:

there is 'nothing' wrong, its just a fucking idea that something is wrong. and I am observing myself getting fucking worked up over a fucking perception that is distracting me from me.

So like, stop doing that.

On 06/08/2016 at 8:50 PM, WhatAmI said:

having a boyfriend is not going to make me happy

No, it isn't. But having a boyfriend isn't going to make you unhappy either. It's only an issue if you make it an issue.
 

On 06/08/2016 at 8:50 PM, WhatAmI said:

i had this sinking feeling in me that "this isn't real". and there was this ache in my chest. and he kept on asking me "what's wrong", and I was like "nothing". because literally there is 'nothing' wrong, its just a fucking idea that something is wrong

Something was wrong. You were feeling confused and conflicted but you were suppressing that with your "idea" that there is nothing wrong, you haven't actually realised that nothing is wrong. Because you have been suppressing your confusion, you now:
 

On 06/08/2016 at 8:50 PM, WhatAmI said:

need to vent this out.

Why not try talking to your s/o about all this. You said he's into spirituality. A relationship is just two people sharing themselves with each other, right? 
If you're going to be in one, why not do it well?

 

How bullshit is the ted talk? ... 100%
Just like everything else, including your problem and my opinion.

Edited August 15, 2016 by Marc Schinkel

[Lynnel]

4 hours ago, Marc Schinkel said:

No, it isn't. But having a boyfriend isn't going to make you unhappy either. It's only an issue if you make it an issue.

Well from some point of view it is : you're gonna pursue it thinking it's gonna make you happy. And since you can never achieve happiness this way you're lost.

But once you realize there is no you to be happy and you will be in a state of eternal bliss - and whatever the mind or the body doesn't doesn't matter. You can still enjoy the things of this world. But No thing is essential or can provide your happiness - including a mind concept of ahealthy relationship or whathever else.