I Need To Smarten Up

[spicy_pickles]

My life is out of control. 

This is not who I intended to be!  I have no drive, no motivation. I know who I want to be but just can't get there. I'm stuck in this rut, and that rut (that includes having no drive and motivation) is going to get me in trouble. 

I hate feeling like I've messed up. Like I'm a failure. I hate when I do screw up because of my lack of motivation and being in the rut. Being exhausted. 

Right now I'm in the midst of finding out if I massively screwed up yet again....

need to be better. 

[Swede]

Hi, spicy_pickles,

What exactly is it you want to be?

You seem to be very unhappy now.

What do you think about the self help content at Actualized.org? Do you like watching the videos?

[spicy_pickles]

I've watched videos in the past, just random ones here and there depending on my mood. 

I would like to make more of myself. I think I'm particularly jaded right now because I got fired back in the spring, I'm having a terribly difficult time getting through the final step in my profession, I feel like I've wasted all that time and money going back to school to get that professional designation. 

My partner is also a "glass half empty" person most of the time, but is quick to support me and give me positive energy.  But I still feel like something is missing in my life. 

Righr now I'm just laying in bed because I don't have the motivation to do anything. Could go for a walk but too lazy. Could read a book but don't feel like it. Just like someone came and sucked all the energy out of me and replaced it with anxiousness, stress, worry and fear. 

[Eelco1981]

@spicy_pickles Seems you are having a (mild) depression. I think you should see a psychologist for it. I did. In hindsight the depression was the push in my back I needed to take action in my life. To stop, pause and question my life. It could not go on like that. Start watching Leo's videos, start meditating, read books, and remember; there is light at the end of the tunnel. When you're ready: do the Life Purpose Course.

[Swede]

I can feel your pain. It sounds like you are having a mild depression. But there are ways out of anxiousness and stress. You can get back on track in life, and feel the flow and joy again, that life has to offer.

There’s a video called “Why am I depressed?” It is one of my favorites. Have you seen it? After about 11 minutes into the video Leo describes a mindset or meditation technique. See if it can help you. You can study the content in this video, try the technique, and also discuss the video content in this forum.

[spicy_pickles]

Thank you for your replies. 

I made a change just now (in the right direction) and went for a run. 

I was listening to the video Awareness Alone is Curative. It was a great video to listen to because I literally got off my rear end and decided to go for a run while I was being totally aware of my current state. I was laying in bed, fully allowing myself to do so, and feeling every single feeling that came over me. I felt how much it made me feel like crap! That gave me the push to move!

I am going to listen to some more videos now. Thanks again. 

[Eelco1981]

@spicy_pickles Nice! Hearing that makes me happy!

[Actualized Disciple]

@spicy_pickles

 

Sometimes i feel similar to what you've described. Often times i feel like im in a rut and that being in the rut leads to even more "depressing" behaviors. The worst part for me is that i know that i could be doing better. My lack of motivation affects my work environment and school as well, and i can imagine the results i could get if only i had more motivation. 

When i particularly feel like this It is really hard to get back on track. The kick in the ass you need can only come from yourself and sometimes it may not even seem worth it. My advice for you (which has served me well to get back on track even if only temporarily) is that when you feel the way you earlier described, that is exactly when you should return to the things that you know deep down are good for you-no matter how un-motivated you are. For example when i feel this way i think "You know, this is when i should meditate" or 'This would be a good scenario to work out" or "I could read right now-even though i would rather be doing something else". 

 

I feel like your mind will become more willing to do these things the more you do them. Like building a certain taste for a food. 

Keep your head up, glad you reached out!

[spicy_pickles]

These videos are so much more useful to me the second time around. I just watched the one about worrying. Yes, I watched it before, but I don't think I was fully aware of the capacity I was worrying in. 

For example, I worried about messing up on an exam for a job. I worried about making a mistake on my government form and getting denied. I worried about this. I worried about that. But then I realized what is so true - all that worrying will do NOTHING to help my situation. It is what it is now, and I can't do anything about a lot of these situations. So why bother worrying?  Therefore, I've started to positive worry. So, I'm positive worrying about how awesome it's going to be when I do get that job I applied for, how I will excel in the position, how I have the experience and knowledge to really make a difference. Instead of feeling anxious and upset, I felt this wave of excitement flow over me, just by changing my negative worrying into positive worrying!  

I have lots of work to do. This has only just begun to scratch the tip of the iceberg. My spare time, I'm happy to say, will now be devoted to exercise and self development.