Should guy be the provider?

[Farnaby]

@Preety_India hmm to me that still sounds like stereotypical gender roles. 

I do think that masculine energy in men and feminine energy in women is essential for attraction. 

But in my country for example, many feminists are against men paying for the dates. I personally don't agree with them because I think that's a backlash in the opposite direction, where everything remotely traditional is considered "bad". 

However I don't see why a man should be invested in a relationship that doesn't even exist yet at the first date.

That would be like judging a girl who doesn't sleep with the guy on the first date because that means she's not 100% invested. Why should she be?

IMO there's nothing wrong with testing the waters before you commit. And that doesn't mean that the guy who won't pay on your first date isn't going to become invested in the relationship. 

Following your reasoning, any guy who doesn't pay on the first date should be discarded as a potential boyfriend. Seems a bit black/white to me, but to each their own. 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

None of my girlfriends would bang Eckhart Tolle.

Oh yes they would.

Tolle is the equivalent of a rock star. He's got STATUS, which girls love more than psychopathy and confidence combined

STATUS is the ultimate game. Status is the ace of spades.

If Eckhart Tolle was an enlightened nobody, then he wouldn't get laid by hot girls.

- - - - - - -

It's important to also keep in mind that what I was talking about in this thread was HOT girls. There is huge difference between girls who are average and girls who at like top 1% HOT. Those top 1% girls are much more demanding than your average girl.

An average girl you can treat nice and she will like you. A top 1% HOT girl you must treat like trash for her to like you.

I didn't make the rules. It's just how the game works. Don't go treating average girls like a dick. Only the top 1%.

There is a huge difference between dating average girls and dating models. A HOT girl can earn lots of money just being a model. The hotter she is, the rarer she is, the more guys are drooling over her, the more psychopathic you must be to catch her attention.

[electroBeam]

22 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's important to also keep in mind that what I was talking about in this thread was HOT girls.

Why would you go for anything else? That's so beta

[Preety_India]

@Farnaby

I'm a bit mixed in my opinions and not as black and white. 

My experiences are also a reason why I think the way I do. 

My first relationship, he never paid a dime for anything and I paid for everything thinking that it was just my generosity and I didn't think of it as sinister. 

He would constantly demand sex over a period of 6 months but whenever I brought up marriage, he would be very evasive. 

It's as if he wanted a relationship but no marriage but he wasn't being honest about it at all. Meanwhile I was always honest about everything. 

The second relationship lasted for nearly 2 years and for those 2 years he would always come up with some excuse to not pay.. So I paid for nearly everything. In this relationship I spent loads because every time he told me that he couldn't pay his bills, I did not view him as weak or insecure, I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he might be having issues so I paid his monthly bills for 2 years and more. 

I was spending because I was believing our relationship was forever and that we would marrying and so it didn't matter to me if I spent for my future husband. 

 

 

Because of all these experiences, whenever a guy doesn't pay, I get suspicious of his commitment. 

[electroBeam]

42 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

STATUS is the ultimate game. Status is the ace of spades.

Status that they earnt themselves is what's hot! But guess what? To get that status yourself, you need everything women find attractive anyway(confidence, dominance, assertiveness, driveness) so its a moot point.

 

[Farnaby]

@Preety_India Oh I see. That makes sense. 

I think it's different if someone is taking advantage of you, not being honest and making up excuses. That would be a red flag for me as well. I think it doesn't matter if it's a guy or a girl who acts that way. 

I was talking about the typical situation where two people meet on some dating app or even on a night out or something, they have a date and obviously since they don't know each other well yet, they're not invested in the relationship yet. Actually, being invested 100% from the get go, would be a bit pathological IMO. In this scenario, I don't find it weak or feminine for the guy to not pay for her. 

As @Meta-Man said, the energy is most important, not the action itself. You can be masculine and not pay and feminine and not pay. 

Personally, I tend to pay when everything is flowing nicely and also in long-term relationships (although we split quite often or I let her invite me which feels nice now and then). But if it's going nowhere, I would feel dumb if I pay for both of us. 

It would feel really bad (guilt, shame, etc.) for me if I had to depend economically on my girlfriend (like what you described with your second boyfriend). And I wouldn't want to pay for everything if she's just sitting around all day and not trying to earn some money. Balance is key IMO. 

[Joel3102]

@Leo Gura how does this square up with your old video 'how to be a real man pt 2', you say to be more feminine and don't worry as much about being a macho? 

[Moon]

2 hours ago, Meta-Man said:

You gotta break her  

 

lol

disgusting

this forum could do with more women game 

[Farnaby]

@Joel3102 I think he means to integrate your feminine side instead of overcompensating for it like machos do. 

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

One of my best friend is that type of girl, and she's dated several celebrities and really wealthy men.

She's not into psychopath.

So she's into wealth and status.

Yeah. I rest my case.

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Joel3102 said:

@Leo Gura how does this square up with your old video 'how to be a real man pt 2', you say to be more feminine and don't worry as much about being a macho? 

It squares up perfectly. Being more feminine is what makes you more dramatic, emotional, playful, and charismatic. But you still need to be confident and assertive.

Don't try to act macho. Act feminine and playful. BUT, be confident and assertive as you do so.

The ideal man is like a knife coated in honey. It's sweet on the outside but it's made of steel on the inside.

[electroBeam]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The ideal man is like a knife coated in honey. It's sweet on the outside but it's made of steel on the inside.

Thats definitely not an absolute. I know dozens of women(girlfriends) who love 007 james bond and harvey from suits type of guys, which is a knife on the outside but a tad bit of honey on the inside.

[Roy]

My girlfriend and I split the costs of everything evenly at the end of every month. We decide together if there should be any discrepancies or if certain things are gifts.

Anytime she wants to argue about the costs I remind her she's a feminist so if she wants equality this is what it means LOL.

Anyways no not anymore. I think guys being the designated provider is now an antiquated stupid way of viewing the world. Couples should get decide together independently based off of their own incomes and roles they want to fill of who is the primary provider, if there even is one. Without any external social or cultural pressures about how men "should" make more money.

This is a sexist idea that is thankfully finally dying.

Edited August 4, 2020 by Roy

[Gesundheit]

16 minutes ago, Roy said:

My girlfriend and I split the costs of everything evenly at the end of every month. We decide together if there should be any discrepancies or if certain things are gifts.

Anytime she wants to argue about the costs I remind her she's a feminist so if she wants equality this is what it means LOL. 

That is dope haha

[w4read]

I pretty much agree with most of the things that's been said here, in other words it's okay to pay for a woman as long as it's not done because of a feel of obligation. If you are a typical nice guy that's probably where you're coming from though and I think in that case, you would be better of not paying for women an even be a little extra cheap just to push through that boundary.

I've seen a lot of guys who are very nice and respectful to girls and also do very well even with hot ones. However, the difference between those and the ones who aren't that succesful, is that they usually were more on the bad side in their past, and while now being nice, they have therefore sort of transended that. So they know how to be an asshole, but they choose to be nice ( in most cases). However they are usually very assertive and go for what they want, but not in this assholish way, where it's screw everyone and everything. The problem with a nice guy is that he basically has no other option than being nice, and when a girl sense that, that's where the problems start.