Should guy be the provider?

[Chumbimba]

you provide all that for her and break up you gonna be salty as shit bro. STOP! 

[DaHonorableCourt]

@Leo Gura How long have you done pickup? & what advice can you give for approaching a perfect 10?

[Leo Gura]

28 minutes ago, DaHonorableCourt said:

@Leo Gura How long have you done pickup? & what advice can you give for approaching a perfect 10?

Treat her like your bratty little sister.

Treat her like she's not a 10.

[DaHonorableCourt]

@Leo Gura Thanks. You gotta do a video on your pickup journey haha

[Gili Trawangan]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Once I went on a date with a perfect 10. She was hotter than a top-notch porn star. She wanted me to buy her jewelry before we even had the date. I laughed it off like she was insane. She actually appreciated that because I could tell she's used to getting pussy guys to buy her whatever she wants on account of her hotness. So she got attracted to the fact that I didn't show any weakness and didn't let her play her usual games. She could respect that.

So we meet for the dinner date. She immediately tells me she's horny and wants to have sex. I tell her right off the bat that we're splitting the check as we sit down. She orders a fancy shrimp appetizer thinking that I'm joking. She starts looking at lobster on the menu. I tell her again, we'll be splitting the check. She looks at me in horror and disbelief, like I am kidding. Waiter brings us the fancy shrimp. I tell her I'm not kidding. I stand up and walk out, leaving her sitting there to pay for the shrimp.

LOL, I had a similar experience, even though she wasn't a perfect 10. Body was a 9, face was a 6, haha.

She asks me to go to an expensive wine bar for a first date, I should have guessed by then. I somehow agree, because I don't know my way around and can't think of an alternative. We get there and she orders expensive wine, and then tells me she's peckish. I tell her I'm not hungry, I've seen the prices and it's not pretty. She asks me again and I tell her again that I'm really not hungry. She orders food regardless. Then, as we're speaking, she brings up the topic of guys paying for girls. She says she's been on a date with a man who wouldn't pay for her and she was disgusted. I disagree but keep it lighthearted. She asks me if she can order orange juice. I say "you can do whatever you want"  She orders orange juice. Somehow she stays on the topic of guys paying and I tell her directly this time that I don't pay for girls UNLESS I really want to. She gets noticeably restless and I tell her straight that I'm not paying for her. We're splitting 50-50. She refuses. She actually says that she won't pay for herself, it's not fair, it's too expensive for her, bla bla bla. I stand up, go to the waiter and ask for half of the check. I pay for my half, say goodbye to her on my way out, and walk out.

Totally worth it! I don't have an ounce of regret.

[MsNobody]

@Leo Gura shocked! Lol 

I don’t pay but also don’t take advantage of the man looking for expensive stuff on the menu.. 

Well you guys have a whole team of men who gather together to do “pick up” and we can’t even take advantage of our beauty?! It’s not our fault that most men are weak 

I’m not paying the bill ? we play the game as well 

 

[Gili Trawangan]

3 minutes ago, MsNobody said:

we play the game as well 

At least now you're admitting it, that's much more honest of you

[MsNobody]

@Gili Trawangan of course, we are all playing the game.

And if you don’t know you are playing it, it just means you are not playing well 

[electroBeam]

42 minutes ago, MsNobody said:

we play the game as well 

 

of course, and the one who plays the game the best, wins. 

[Preety_India]

 

I don't want to appear sexist here. I don't want to say that women can't do certain things. 

But as a woman I have seen lots of women in my life, and I have seen them achieving things and working hard and honestly things are not as rosy as they look, even if we say female empowerment and feminism. Women still find it difficult to juggle things. 

I think paying for the first date is also a sign of courtesy and chivalry from the man. I'm the kind of girl who likes a man who holds the door. 

I tried to think about the whole "paying for expenses".. And what I feel is that it's not that simple. 

The sugar daddy phenomenon is only when she is leeching off you or using you. If she is with you only for that. 

Let's say a man or a husband doesn't want to pay for everything in a marriage. He wants the woman to pay for things. Split the bill. I try to see the flip side of this. What I observe is that, of course the woman can make money by working a job. But there are downsides to women working that people hardly focus on. 

Women are called the gentle sex for a reason.. Again I'm not trying to be sexist 

When a woman is 22 and working, it's much different than a woman who is 38 and working. Women age quickly especially when they go through stress, emotional or physical. Women lose desire very quickly 

A woman's hormonal system is designed in such a way that even little amounts of stress can make her lose herself. A woman can't be expected to be a man, because she is a woman. At the same time, you can't expect a woman to be masculine, and also retain the feminine nature in her.. When women become more and more masculine, they also become hard and bitter. 

A woman who works hard to make money, is appreciated for what she does but once she comes back home from work, she will complain about headache or backache, or she will get irritated or stressed out over little things because she also has to be a mommy and take care of the kids. She begins to lose that feminine touch she had as a young woman.. She will have sex only as a routine because she will be too tired even for sex. She will not pay much attention to her husband or kids. The kids will not get enough love from her. She might fight with her husband over little things because she is unable to cope with the stress of both work and household. Because a household is generally under the care of a woman. Here she is expected to  not only be a mom, be a wife, take care of the house and also make money by working. Given the demands and how a woman's body is designed this can be a bit too much. 

Eventually it won't be a very happy marriage. I can understand that there are women who are perfectly fit and have great capacity for all sorts of things. But I also know that a lot of women just break down under such pressure. They divorce in such situations because they can't handle it.. I wouldn't blame them because nature hasn't designed their bodies for such a role. 

The man will be very unhappy in the marriage with a woman who is not ready for sex, is too tired for it or if the sex is very mundane because she has to go to work 

Women suffer stress on a much higher scale than men. That's why women also get triggered much faster than men

The woman will eventually suffer effects of aging and health problems because of overwork. There will be no happiness in the marriage. Men on the other hand don't get exhausted as quickly as women. 

So let me think this way. Let me put myself in the position of a man and think that I'm a man for a second. 

If I were a man, I wouldn't want my woman or wife to constantly complain about back pain and be exhausted and busy and bored all the time. I would not want her feet to look hard, or hands to look rough from work. I wouldn't want her to be stressed all the time or her yelling at the kids out of work stress.. I wouldn't want her to be buried in financial stress. 

I would make all the money in the relationship. I would want her to feel relaxed and free. Of course she can work for leisure or as a hobby. But I wouldn't want her to be exhausted from all the burden. Plus I want her to be able to invest time in loving the kids and loving me. If she is engrossed in work, she won't find time either for me or the kids and I wouldn't want the marriage to suffer. I would want her to look her best every day, take her out for dinner, have great sex with her, see that she is always in a good mood. Keep her happy and stress free. 

I wouldn't calculate or think that I'm spending money on her. Because the money belongs to her. She is the wife and mother. 

From my cultural perspective, this would be a perfect marriage because in my culture the divorce rates are extremely low. So for me as a man, it wouldn't be such a hard thing to spend money on the woman because she is not going to divorce since such a possibility is very low. So I'm not losing anything as a man.. There is nothing to regret. Men in western countries regret divorce because it takes a lot from them financially. 

But as long as your family is secure with the wife and kids, if you are paying for everything as a man, there is honestly nothing lost because all that you are doing is for your family. 

If you are dating random girls from Tinder etc, it makes perfect sense why you wouldn't want to spend money the first date , because you would be dating so many, mostly for sex, so it would be a waste. 

However if you look through my perspective, which means that I'm expecting a guy who is looking for a long term relationship that turns into marriage, it's a pretty serious deal and you don't casually pick someone for a date when you are looking for someone like that, you generally get friendly with them and then go out on a date with the implicit intent that you want them as a future partner, so it would make perfect sense for you to pay for the first date because you are more than eager to show your sign of commitment or serious investment 

 

This is not about a free lunch because the girl is going to marry you. 

She can throw the money back at your face if she doesn't like you or give back your ring or trinkets. 

There is a difference between western dating and eastern dating. 

In Eastern dating, it's more of a serious deal. It's not just casual dating several women for temporary companionship or sex. It's generally for marriage... 

So whatever happens on a date is taken very seriously, especially by the woman. She is going to observe everything about the man (vice versa), because she doesn't want to marry a wrong dude. 

So if a guy doesn't pay for the first date, she is obviously going to think that he is not invested. 

Because he doesn't ask every available woman on a date.. He will ask only a specific woman who he is interested in marrying out on a date. You might question how would he know if he is invested or not even before a relationship. That will take time like, working with her as a colleague, being friendly with her some time, getting to know her through in general through communication. 

So the date is generally fixed after the guy knows some bit about the girl.. 

In any case, he considers it a courtesy to pay for the date. It's a gesture that he cares for her and he would drop her home safe after the date. 

In such a culture, a date is not simply meant for casual relationships, or for sex or just to try out a woman.  It has much deeper implicit meaning to it.. The woman doesn't agree to the date for a free lunch. It's not that cheap. She agrees because she sees a possibility of a future husband. 

The man sees the date as a possibility to impress her as much as he can so he can win her heart and she would say yes to a marriage. Paying for such a chance is only a very small price in his mind 

 

 

 

Edited August 4, 2020 by Preety_India

[MsNobody]

@Preety_India love that!
 

I appreciate when the man takes his position as a gentleman, so I can be free to be in my feminine, planning and thinking is the mans job, our part is being and feeling. 
Needless to say my treatment when the guy is a gentleman is way different, yes good sex but also the surrender that as women we can only experience when we have enough space to actually “be a woman” 

yes I can split the bill, but after dinner there is no striptease dance or amazing sex, I was so exhausted counting all the coins that I was better off sleeping ? 

 

reminds me of this poem from Anais Nin:

I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.

 

 

[MsNobody]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Treat her like your bratty little sister.

Treat her like she's not a 10.

Yes, make her insecure so you can get what you want, great advice Leo. 
 

Bratty little sister? Very mature.. impressive 

[Preety_India]

@MsNobody  you are welcome 

 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, MsNobody said:

@Gili Trawangan of course, we are all playing the game.

The biggest players are the ones who deny they are playing a game

[Leo Gura]

41 minutes ago, MsNobody said:

Yes, make her insecure so you can get what you want, great advice Leo.

Bratty little sister? Very mature.. impressive 

Hey, don't blame me. We tried being nice to hot girls, and they always reject it.

If being nice worked, I would get laid more than Hugh Hefner.

I had to go through 2 years of intense training just to teach myself not to be nice to girls.

The hotter the girl, the more sociopathic and narcissistic the guy must act to appeal to her.

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, datamonster said:

I think the trick is being nice but also knowing when not to be nice.

That's what I'm talking about.

[Gesundheit]

22 minutes ago, datamonster said:

I think the trick is being nice but also knowing when not to be nice.

If you want to keep her around, that is. But if you don't, just be 100% jerk and enjoy.

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, datamonster said:

It feels too unnatural to me and that makes me unauthentic, which ends up backfiring.

Trust me, no good woman ever likes it. If you are naturally good, stay that way 

Be your authentic self. 

A lot of men in pickup date women from the club who like toxic men. That's where all these toxic views in pickup originate from. 

But with a good woman you wouldn't need to follow such advice. 

With her you will have to be a good authentic guy. You would be your natural self and she will accept you and you also wouldn't face too much rejection. Because good women aren't trying to play games or be played with, they just want a humble simple relationship and you would be more than glad to be with them. 

 

[Gesundheit]

10 minutes ago, datamonster said:

Might work for some people, but personally I can't just pretend to be jerk to get laid.

It feels too unnatural to me and that makes me unauthentic, which ends up backfiring.

Lol do whatever you want but I'm telling you what's best for your well-being, not necessarily what works 

Anyway it's not about being a jerk per se. It's about not caring for the other person at all. Just doing your own thing and following what you want like they don't exist in the first place. Women will tell you they want a good guy and bla bla bla. They're lying to themselves first and foremost. In bed they want a bad guy. That what turns most of them on. If you're just picking up and don't intend to have a ltr, focus more on acting selfishly with the "jerk" mindset. You'll win either way. If you succeed you get to have sex, and if you don't you know that you don't take it seriously 

6 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

detachment of outcome. 

= being a jerk

[electroBeam]

8 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

It's about Self-Love, wisdom, strong boundaries, self-confidence, and detachment of outcome. 

No its not those things.

Women want MASCULINE guys. Masculinity means dominance and assertion. Dominance and assertion is what's hot. 

None of my girlfriends find Sadhguru, Matt Khan, Adyshanti hot. They find George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, Russel Brand hot. What does George Clooney got that Matt Khan hasn't? Dominance and assertion. Matt Khan has self love, but that does shit for attraction.

But of course, you're identified as a women, so understanding this is pretty much impossible for you.