6g psilocybe subaeruginosa trip report - ego death

[tesla]

Ok holy fuck. That was insane. And keep in mind this species of mushrooms is a lot more potent than most mushrooms. This batch was high potency as well. And I did lemon tek whilst fasting all day.

I've done shrooms a lot of times now. I've always been very cautious when I do it, taking into account set, setting, and intention. I've been slowly building up to a dose this high, trying to find the sweet spot where I have a breakthrough. I've somehow never had an ego death even on very high doses like 5 grams.

Leading up to this trip I've been doing a ton of preparation (3h meditation a day, Wim Hof method, etc). So I felt like I was ready for it.

I took 6g and got my friend to trip sit me. We went for a quick walk near my house, it started kicking in real fast, like a freight train. So we head back to my place.

Then shit really started hitting the fan. It felt like I was dying, huge surges of energy exploding through me. I had intense nausea and almost wanted to throw up. It was not fun at all. I was panicking, and despite usually being able to keep my cool in situations like this, I wasn't really sure how to let go and stop panicking. It seemed kind of uncontrollable, as if my body was losing its shit but I wasn't able to get it to calm down.

At that point I was scared I was going to have a panic attack or something, so I took an emergency Xanax to kill the trip. About 5-10 mins after that it was amazing, one of the best experiences I've had. But the Xanax cut the trip short and I feel like I missed out on most of the experience.

How can you take a dose this high without feeling like you're dying? Do you just have to take a dose significantly higher than what your breakthrough dose is, so you can smoothly skip past the phase where it feels like your ego is being torn to shreds? I thought with all the preparation I've been doing I'd be able to handle such an experience, but apparently not, there must be something I'm missing.

Edited August 2, 2020 by tesla

[Leo Gura]

@tesla Lower your dose.

There is nothing bad or scary about ego death. It just happens like sitting and watching TV.

You're making too big of a deal out of it.

[tesla]

@Leo Gura  yeah it was scary. It felt like I was about to have a panic attack. That's not making a big deal out of it, it's just what happened

The point is I want to see what happens at higher doses. Many people have done this before without this happening. I've already done lower doses a lot. It's just a matter of doing it in a way where you don't lose your shit

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, tesla said:

The point is I want to see what happens at higher doses.

You are using prescription drugs to abort trips. This is improper and not in the spirit of this work.

[tesla]

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You are using prescription drugs to abort trips. This is improper and not in the spirit of this work.

This is only the second time I've taken it, I've pushed through lots of very uncomfortable experiences before. But this was incredibly intense, to the point I was really concerned about losing my mind and wasn't sure if I could mentally handle it

Maybe if I just pushed through I could've done it. It didn't feel that way though. Which is why I'm asking, because I'm trying to figure out a way to get through such an intense experience without losing your shit lol

[Leo Gura]

Mushrooms are not the best substance for this work.

[tesla]

@Leo Gura why not?

I can understand the benefits of 5-MeO, I just haven't found any yet. I'm also concerned about the safety of synthetic substances (even if you test it, it's a black market substance so you can't be 100% sure what you're getting). So I'd only do it if I found a source I can trust. Alternatively you can go to a shaman who uses the toad, but that's not possible right now with lockdown. With mushrooms, you know exactly what you're taking, and at higher doses it's very comparable to DMT (perhaps if you took enough, it could be like 5-MeO since no one knows what the limit is).

I don't think the substance is the problem. Mushrooms have helped me a lot. It's just about figuring out how you can take super high doses without losing your shit. Perhaps if you take a dose significantly higher than your breakthrough dose (which is about 6 grams of this mushroom for me), the transition would be a lot smoother because your ego/body has no time to resist it.

[Nahm]

@tesla

How’d you take em? Eat em, tea, vapor? I’m wondering if that explains the nausea, which can sometimes send the whole trip in a direction.

[Leo Gura]

27 minutes ago, tesla said:

why not?

Because they are very twisted.

You can get higher clarity and coherence on other substances.

Mushrooms will twist your mind into an infinite pretzel at high doses.

[tesla]

15 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@tesla

How’d you take em? Eat em, tea, vapor? I’m wondering if that explains the nausea, which can sometimes send the whole trip in a direction.

Lemon tek on an empty stomach. I fasted all day (besides a few pieces of fruit ~5 hours before my trip). Usually this gets rid of all nausea, but maybe fasting for too long actually increases nausea (or it could've just been due to the higher dose)

[tesla]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

Because they are very twisted.

You can get higher clarity and coherence on other substances.

Mushrooms will twist your mind into an infinite pretzel.

What do you recommend besides 5-MeO then? I've done acid before, but I personally prefer mushrooms more. I've never actually felt much desire to do anything else because I like them so much.

People say mushrooms can feel really confusing. That's happened to me a few times, but overall it's actually pretty clear headed for me. Maybe it's different at higher doses, though.

[Shmurda]

@tesla I had the same mushroom experience just yesterday actually, except that I didn't abort! Don't get me wrong though it was fucking terrifying and I know exactly what you mean by these massive waves of energy surging through you. Every time I had a thought it would get obliterated by these infinite waves of what I now understand to be love. 

I also had the experience that Leo spoke in his 30 day 5-MeO retreat video, where I willingly opened a portal with a sort of gravitational pull on my being. I was being pulled towards this portal but the closer I got, the louder became the message that if you go through this divine portal, the thing you call yourself is going to die. So I noped out of that one pretty fast. I still wonder though, would I physically die or would the experiential self-concept die? I didn't get a clear answer on that one.

In the end I started humming in time with the breath in order to remind the myself that I exist without having to think at all. The result was that I was able to sort of allow my being to unite with the waves. At this point I felt a great healing energy and ultimate unity with the universe. I understood enlightenment to be the ultimate surrender of the belief that my ego is in control of anything, when actually the only volition is that of God.

So my advice is just hang in there and keep surrendering control of your ego until it feels like there is no one left to surrender. The only way you can lose your mind is if you believe there is a mind there to be lost!

 

[tesla]

2 hours ago, Shmurda said:

@tesla I had the same mushroom experience just yesterday actually, except that I didn't abort! Don't get me wrong though it was fucking terrifying and I know exactly what you mean by these massive waves of energy surging through you. Every time I had a thought it would get obliterated by these infinite waves of what I now understand to be love. 

I also had the experience that Leo spoke in his 30 day 5-MeO retreat video, where I willingly opened a portal with a sort of gravitational pull on my being. I was being pulled towards this portal but the closer I got, the louder became the message that if you go through this divine portal, the thing you call yourself is going to die. So I noped out of that one pretty fast. I still wonder though, would I physically die or would the experiential self-concept die? I didn't get a clear answer on that one.

In the end I started humming in time with the breath in order to remind the myself that I exist without having to think at all. The result was that I was able to sort of allow my being to unite with the waves. At this point I felt a great healing energy and ultimate unity with the universe. I understood enlightenment to be the ultimate surrender of the belief that my ego is in control of anything, when actually the only volition is that of God.

So my advice is just hang in there and keep surrendering control of your ego until it feels like there is no one left to surrender. The only way you can lose your mind is if you believe there is a mind there to be lost!

 

Hahaha damn nice. What dose did you do and what species of mushroom was it?

Yeah, I'm sad I pussied out actually. I'm pretty tough, so I think I could've pushed through. It just felt like I was losing my mind and I was scared I was going to get psychosis or some shit. I guess that's just part of the game, though. If you want to go deep, you have to cross that bridge.

But like I was saying, I think it may paradoxically be easier to take a higher dose, because the transition is so fast. Your ego doesn't have any chance to resist, you're gone. Whereas at the dose I did, I was breaking through, but still on the verge of this reality so my ego still had the chance to resist

[Rilles]

Xanax are super dangerous! Do not mix them with psychedelics! You might have a blackout! Dont mix drugs! Period! 

[WaveInTheOcean]

Less is more. You can have ego death on 0 g of shrooms

Try 3 g next time

Also ginger helps against nausea

[Bogdan]

How gradually did you increase the dosage to the 6g?

[Shmurda]

@tesla this was 4g of albino penis envy. I expected it to hit me less to be honest. I've had less overwhelming experiences on 5g of standard cubes so these ones must have been mega potent. 

[tesla]

3 hours ago, Rilles said:

Xanax are super dangerous! Do not mix them with psychedelics! You might have a blackout! Dont mix drugs! Period! 

This is something I've heard different things about. Apparently extreme stress can also cause brain damage because of the amount of cortisol it releases, so I'm not sure which is worse. This is the second time I've ever done them, I'm trying to figure out a safe alternative in case something like this happens again (perhaps some yogic breathing techniques could halt the stress response)

3 hours ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

Less is more. You can have ego death on 0 g of shrooms

Try 3 g next time

Also ginger helps against nausea

I've done lower doses many times. I want to see what happens at higher doses now

1 hour ago, Bogdan said:

How gradually did you increase the dosage to the 6g?

I've done 3-4g many times before. Then I did 1 gram increments from 4g, to 5g, to 6g

1 hour ago, Shmurda said:

@tesla this was 4g of albino penis envy. I expected it to hit me less to be honest. I've had less overwhelming experiences on 5g of standard cubes so these ones must have been mega potent. 

Because albino penis envies are one of the most potent species, you don't need much. Cubes are mid potency

[Rilles]

25 minutes ago, tesla said:

This is something I've heard different things about. Apparently extreme stress can also cause brain damage because of the amount of cortisol it releases, so I'm not sure which is worse. This is the second time I've ever done them, I'm trying to figure out a safe alternative in case something like this happens again (perhaps some yogic breathing techniques could halt the stress response)

Dont use benzos, if you have to abort a trip use a trip-killer or just lower your dose. Oooor... just use a softer Benzo... Xannys are notorious for making you lose all inhibition. 

[tesla]

21 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Dont use benzos, if you have to abort a trip use a trip-killer or just lower your dose. Oooor... just use a softer Benzo... Xannys are notorious for making you lose all inhibition. 

What other trip killer do you recommend?