Not that excited about life purpose

[28 cm unbuffed]

I remember, when I first discovered self-development, man, it was like landing on a Moon. Enlightenment? Wow, that sounds amazing, I want to achieve that, damn.

Listening to spiritual teachers, gurus, gathering knowledge like crazy. Meditation, psychedelics, yoga, books, woooooooow. 

Don't get me wrong, these things are still pretty cool for me, yet, there is one thing, that I am not that excited about - my life purpose, precisely - my dharma. I thought, that I want to become a teacher, YouTube creative, artist, guru, name it however you want. The perfect plan for a perfect life. And it's something natural for me, for real. I am great at teaching, I just flow with that, and I was never taking lessons about "how to teach", I just do, I just feel people.

Yet, there is one thing - I don't like it that much. I'm pretty sure it's my dharma, I can do it, using simple language, being funny, with no effort, just flowing with that. So what? If you are black and tall you have to play basketball? Do you remember John Wick? He just wanted a simple, easy life, with his family, yet, Universe wanted him to be a serial killer and he hated that.

I'm pretty pissed off, that when I was in my 20's (29 now) I should've become a rapper, that would be fucking cool. Being a teacher isn't cool. I know I sound like an angry, ungrateful little boy, but I don't know, something doesn't click for me here.

Have any of you encounter that kind of problem?

[smurf88]

There's not much point in ruminating over it. You could use your free time to start a Youtube channel, learn Ableton and make some music, learn how to draw, etc, and find out if you really enjoy those things, or if you're just fantasizing about them.

Edited August 1, 2020 by smurf88

[28 cm unbuffed]

Short note - I don't give a fuck about changing a world and making an impact. 

I don't give a fuck about other people, to be honest, I'm a selfish little prick. 

I'm an Aquarius - I first heard that from some astrology guy, that when I help people, I help myself. I tried that, maybe that's karma or some shit, or that's just how the Universe works, but yeah, it fucking works. And it's magic, metaphysics, energy, whatever. 

But it's like sucking cock for money, just because of the fact, that I like money lol

 

[nistake]

@28 cm unbuffed Don't overthink this. Find a career that you're happy with and go from there. This may sound new-agey woo woo stuff, but I think if the unviverse wants you to help other people and make an impact, it'll present the opportunity sooner or later. If you don't feel like it, it's no point to force it just because "I'm a spiritual person and that's what I'm supposed to do".

[supremeyingyang]

@28 cm unbuffed

1. what i don't understand is why you can't rap and teach at the same time. 2. you can be a cool teacher as well, nothing is wrong with that if you can deliver value

[Oliver Saavedra]

Go, go do it! Go try it! 

Then check if it feels good or bad to you. If it feels right then follow that track, if it doesn't then readjust your strategy. 

The most important thing is to have a vision that makes you feel amazing just by wondering about it. If it doesn't feel like that then imagine other possibilities. 

Imagine, feel, strategize, try, repeat. 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Oliver Saavedra

Yeah, I already tried doing YouTube, talking head stuff, mixing it with some humor, etc. Dunno, not sure about it. Everything about self-development was said already, nothing to teach, I mean, umm - there were times in my life, that I just knew that this is something I should be focused on about, fuck everything else. Just a massive burst of inspiration, motivation, and drive. I feel like, my self-development stage of life is ending and it's time for something new, yet, I don't know what it is yet, but fuck courses, analyzing, strategizing, this time I'm trusting the Tao.

[Espaim]

6 hours ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

Everything about self-development was said already

IDK how Leo makes a living then???

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Espaim

Yeah, I know, self-development is an endless journey, you can always learn something and evolve, yet, I somehow got bored of it and am not that passionate about it atm. Looking for a "next great thing" that I will get ignited by again

[DIDego]

Rap or make music with a manner of a spiritual touch and thru your making of the music, you can have a creative purpose  help, teach and heal?  win-win-win

Lets make a demo to us in the forum and share your vibe of 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@DIDego

Thank you for the love man, I'll try my best when I'll be able to. Right now I am going through the so-called spiritual depression episode, after my dark night, which is something that just occurs from what I know, so you can go into the next stage of your life. Not sure what to do about it, I am so confused, because right now, after 29 years of living on Earth I realized that I had depression for most of my life.

What the fuck, how does life look like on the other side of this shit?

Edited August 3, 2020 by 28 cm unbuffed

[Oliver Saavedra]

Sounds like you are in "the end" phase. 

Blessings my friend 

[supremeyingyang]

@28 cm unbuffed

'I don't give a fuck about other people, to be honest, I'm a selfish little prick.'

lol, i did not read that. @datamonster is right, this is one of the things you can address in order to find your way

[28 cm unbuffed]

@datamonster @supremeyingyang

I am still learning to be more compassionate and helpful, I am on a good way towards that, my ego is somehow getting that. I mean - I can clearly see, how karma works and how Universe is giving me opportunities to help myself by helping others, there are tons of it. It's almost poetic, how it all clicks together. 

When I said that "I'm a selfish little prick" I meant that more in a way to be realistic about my character, not in a cocky way. I am the only child, I am very narcissistic, there's a lot of it. 

@Oliver Saavedra

I was wondering yesterday - the process that I am going through is similar to the one that Aaron Abke is describing on his channel, I am after Spiritual Awakening and from what I understood, after all of that, he got enlightened at the end of it.

For some time, I thought, that it's one-time shadow integration/healing - dark night circle, but I started wondering - maybe it's something you go through multiple times in your life when you evolve to next level of consciousness, f.e - I am going into Orange right now, after that, I will go through the same shit to evolve to Green, etc.

Yet - I am not sure, my heart chakra is open, maybe I am not the good/soft/compassionate guy, and that's my nature aka evil heart lol. Like Walter White's "awakening". I'm not going to do any evil or anything like that, but you get what I'm saying. 

 

[supremeyingyang]

@28 cm unbuffed

aah ok, it's sometimes not easy to get that through text. what do you do to make progress?

[28 cm unbuffed]

@supremeyingyang

I am going to therapy and thinking about getting some LSD to make the process faster. Right now it sucks, because I have no energy and motivation to do anything, life is a chore atm.

[supremeyingyang]

@28 cm unbuffed

Therapy sounds good. How do you like it?

20 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

and thinking about getting some LSD to make the process faster

I need to spoiler you. In my Opinion that's very likely a recipe for disaster. I don't took LSD, so maybe I'm wrong BUT I would not recommend it someone who feels not sane. I know a bunch of people who where not sane before and who got really insane afterwards. If there were a Therapy where they trip-sit you professionally it would be an idea but.. this intention to just get quicker out of your Misery could be part of the problem. Put one piece together, then the next and so on and so you build a great life day by day  

[DIDego]

@28 cm unbuffed  Ahaa  Take a moment and try relax.

Can you enjoy this?

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@supremeyingyang

They did not start yet, and yeah, I'm taking a slower approach this time, I reached flow state some time ago and I trust in that, not forcing anything.

I'm thinking about micro-dosing for some time when I'll get my hands on it and my therapy will progress further. I am also having my own place next month so I can finally get into dating seriously. Not that motivated about all of that stuff, but I can recognize, that it's just a stage.

@DIDego

Thank you, man, I'm sure, that it's great stuff, but I have no idea about the background of this man and it's really long audio, it just doesn't resonate with me.

[28 cm unbuffed]

I'm not really sure, if all of that is a depression, ending stage of my old self and my old life or something else. And by something else, I mean - I was a dreamer, I was doing tons of dumb, girly stuff, and I had to hit rock bottom to realize all of that. I purified myself of feelings, which you can't really rely on as a man.

And it's strange because life seems somehow empty right now, goals are like checks from a to-do list, it works a lot better and it's not a fantasy world anymore, yet, something's missing here (my soul) and I can't seem to find it.