Resistance

[Sultan]

Hi guys

I tried to change some bad habits to good habits but now I feel highly resistant occur within my mind and suck me to my old habits

Do you have any advice?

[egoeimai]

Stubornness

determination

push

Insistence

[FindingPeace]

People have bad habits for a reason: they are easy and they are rewarding in some way. It's easy gratification. Good habits generally aren't so gratifying, at least it seems that way at first. This is the issue and the reason why there is resistance.

The problem with the mind is that it is only motivated by potential for reward. So a bad habit provides a reward which inspires motivation. In order to adopt a good habit your mind needs a reason for motivation, It needs some promise of a reward. So the question to ask is: why are you trying to change your habits? To what end? There must be some positive reason you are choosing to do so. This needs to be your focus. Give your self positive reasons, motivation and reward for dropping bad habits and instilling good ones.

Ultimatelty bad habits give instand gratification whereas good ones give delayed gratification. So look at the long term, bigger picture, of where these good habits will take you in time. Let that motivate you naturally.

 

[Sultan]

6 hours ago, FindingPeace said:

People have bad habits for a reason: they are easy and they are rewarding in some way. It's easy gratification. Good habits generally aren't so gratifying, at least it seems that way at first. This is the issue and the reason why there is resistance.

The problem with the mind is that it is only motivated by potential for reward. So a bad habit provides a reward which inspires motivation. In order to adopt a good habit your mind needs a reason for motivation, It needs some promise of a reward. So the question to ask is: why are you trying to change your habits? To what end? There must be some positive reason you are choosing to do so. This needs to be your focus. Give your self positive reasons, motivation and reward for dropping bad habits and instilling good ones.

Ultimatelty bad habits give instand gratification whereas good ones give delayed gratification. So look at the long term, bigger picture, of where these good habits will take you in time. Let that motivate you naturally.

 

Thank you so much for your advice

[Christian]

When I was building my meditation habit, I decided to write down all of the excuses I would tell myself and the distractions that hindered me from meditating every day. And that helped me be aware of the excuses when they came up and I was noticing the ways I was distracting myself. I used that as a trigger to take action and meditate and I had the mindset that if I just get through today, I have succeded. 

Most people do not plan like this and when resistance shows up, they give into it and backslide unconsciously. Then, they beat themselves up and get frustrated when they fail to do what they said they would. 

fail to prepare, prepare to fail

 

[Eelco1981]

@Sultan One advice that might not resonate now: do not resist the resistance. It is okay to feel resistance. Welcome the resistance, allow it to be, observe it, don't try to push it away. That will only increase the resistance.

There are also several good video's on this by Leo: Bad Habits, Understanding Resistance, How to stop Moralizing (to eliminate the 'shoulds' from your life), Awareness alone is curative, etc.

[Sultan]

@Christian I am gonna try to do your method @Eelco1981 I think you mean The Sedona Method I read part of this book a week ago (the book is long and I felt bored due to the idea repeat again and again but I think is good book) I am new to this technique   

[Eelco1981]

@Sultan That is true. Whenever I feel resistance, I use both the knowledge in The Sedona Method as The Power of Now by Hale Dwoskin and Eckhart Tolle respectively. The message is essentially the same in this context. The techniques work perfectly. It is just that you have to DO it, not just READ it. It takes some practice before you get the hang of it. It took me a year to really see and feel the benefits. But I am a lazy soab so that's why it took me so long. Success!