Negative Thoughts

[LadyfaceLou]

One of the things I've been struggling with recently is negative thoughts.

I have very much "grown" with my spiritual & self development work I've done,  this has changed who I am all in wonderfully positive ways. Now when I'm around certain friends; I find them or their comments/ topics of convosation too negative... I feel annoyed & agitated when I'm around them. 

I'm trying to push these thoughts from my mind,  as they themselves are negative & I don't want to be thinking them. 

I never judge people.  But when it comes to these friends - negative thoughts drive me crazy.

 I watched the negative emotions video but it didn't really cover what I'm experiencing. 

 

Any advice ?

[cirkussmile]

Don't deny what you feel and try not to judge. Just feel what you feel and eventually things will get better.

[egoeimai]

Hello. You have to try harder in order to dont bother what others are saying.

If your friends choose to be negative thinkers let them be. Dont be frustrated if they live they way the live.

For you,its nice that you dont generally judge people. See their judgement as a flaw and try to justify them inside your mind ,thinking "they have troubles so thats why theyre negative" and try to give compassion

Popi.

[FindingPeace]

20 hours ago, LadyfaceLou said:

Now when I'm around certain friends; I find them or their comments/ topics of convosation too negative... I feel annoyed & agitated when I'm around them. 

I can completely relate to this as can many others on here. It is a natural stage in personal development and a topic that comes up repeatedly. It's inevitable that as we grow in to healthier-minded and higher-conscious people we wil initially find it harder to associate with the 'lower' conscious behaviour of some others. And this causes us frustration.

I tend to take a more passive approach to interactions nowadays. I accept that people are the way they are, whether or not I think they could 'improve' or grow out of certain behaviours or mindsets. I allow people to just 'be' as they are and I watch it as though I were observing chimps at a zoo. I remain detached from their behaviours and mindsets and keep within my own. In fact I look at these situations as an opportunity to grow myself. By observing others I can identify patterns and behaviours I wouldn't want to exhibit in my own life, so I use them as a srot of 'mirror' to see where I behave in a similar way or to reinforce things that I want to work on and illiminate from my self. I also use these occasions to practice detachement and patience.

Leo did a good video on this:

https://www.actualized.org/articles/how-to-exploit-people-to-grow-yourself

Fundamentally, though, it could be that you've outgrown certain people in your life. This can happen. You can realise that you no longer get value from certain interractions with people and that prior friendships no longer serve you and, infact, are detrimental to your own growth. Have you heard of the 'crabs in the bucket' analogy? That when a crab tries to climb out of the bucket the other crabs will reach up and pull it back in. People do this. They don't want to see you grow and 'leave' them. It's not something they could do so they don't want you doing it either.

On the one hand, with personal development, we need to become more patient and accepting of others, yet we also have to be aware that others can hold us back. Ultimately, as we grow and become more self-dependent and self-sufficient, our 'need' for others may well diminish.

My advice to you at the moment would be this: try to detach yourself from the negative behaviours of others and just observe it, accept it as being 'just how it is for them' (but not for you). This isn't an ego game either, so as we grow beyond others' growth that doesn't make us 'better' than them. It's hard not t be judgmental at times but in time you will become more accepting. That just takes a little further growth. Acceptance is great - because it ultimately relieves the frustration and suffering that you currently feel about this and many other areas of life. Acceptance means to allow something to be, without judgment or criticism. And to remain detached from it. Something most people struggle with.

 

 

[David1]

@LadyfaceLou imho, behind every negative feeling or emotion, there is a positive desire hiding. Try to find that desire, and focus on that. İf you have alot of negative people around you, and you feel frustrated or angry about that, the desire might be to go out and meet new people. 

Keep in mind that your friends are not responsible for your emotions.

[Christian]

@LadyfaceLou

Well, there is no self controlling thoughts so you have 0 control over what thoughts appear. They simply show up out of nothingness and return to it.  

But you can become aware of thoughts and learn to observe to realize their illusory nature. They will then no longer be a problem to you. 

And getting to this point takes serious work. So you have to work to get there. I reccomend that you do daily meditation for 20 minutes every day or more if you desperately want to not get affected by these thoughts and take away their power; learn to love the process... Give meditation time to take effect and do it for the rest of your life...

[Eelco1981]

@LadyfaceLou I also find myself in the same situation you describe. But I want to watch out for "feeling superior" than others. Like Eckhart Tolle says, "people just act according to their level of consciousness". That is not to say that you can feel superior because you are more conscious. That would only be making your ego stronger. In those situations I just observe without criticizing, sometimes the person gets more conscious, and sometimes I find that the person remains super unconscious and I take action: that might be saying something or walking away. Sometimes walking away forever from this person.

[spicy_pickles]

I've experienced this in the past, and I wasn't even on a journey of improvement. 

Matter awhile, I just changed how I reacted to them. If they were constantly negative, I would either join in and fuel their negativity by agreeing with them or talking about my own negative issues (as to one-up - my problem is worse!). 

Then, I just let it pass or changed the topic. Negative comment was met with - oh gee, that's too bad. Hey, did you hear about the event that's coming up on Saturday?  When the negative comment wasn't getting any fuel, it seemed to dissipate.