My Journey Towards A Better Self

[GOC88]

I’m fairly new to actualized.org, but over the past few weeks have been watching many of  Leos videos/podcasts and a lot of this does resonate with me. It is a path I want to start committing to and exploring further towards develop myself to a better individual and this journal will hold me accountable as well as documenting that that growth

 

A little bit about myself, I am currently 28 years old, working on myself within different areas of my life. I have always kept a personal journal towards noting insights and where I am going but want to take more accountability in developing myself further and gaining insights from this community who seem to be on the same wavelength.

 

I have been a lot into self development, read a lot of books on it and try and find ways to improve myself since around 20 years old, used to follow a lot of RSD and pick up material, mostly for the self development side rather than the pick up aspects to better myself, as well as listening to a lot of other audio books and the classic self development books to improve myself.

 

I am always demanding more from myself, but at times just feel like I am going in circles, questioning my motivations at times and the paths I am choosing to commit to. At this present moment some of my goals/targets include:

 

Financial Freedom – working on developing a business towards living a financial free life. Currently working on projects involved in real estate to achieve this and exploring potential other avenues also. I want to be at a point where I am earning enough to leave where I am working, to work on my businesses full time.

Meditation – create a habitual routine of meditating for 20 minutes in the morning and evening for the time being to begin with. To have greater clarity in mind and emotions

Fitness – Working with a personal trainer for the past month towards fitness goals, to stay in great shape. Gives me great energy and I feel better overall from working out. I also do Wing-chun kung fu and yoga so it translates well into these areas also.

Personal Development – Continuing my path towards personal development, increasing my knowledge within this area to better myself, whether that is going to seminars, watching Leo’s videos, audio books. Nofap – Using my sexual energy towards other areas of my life and because it is a habit that doesn’t serve any purpose other than depleting me of your life energy. Usually fap around once every week or two, but want to be at a point where I am free of this habit altogether. 

Relationships – I watched Leos talk on Maslow’s Higherachy of needs and I really do feel sex and intimacy is an area that could do with some work. I’ve been with a few women but I haven’t had what I would consider a long-term relationship and it’s an area I would like to explore further. 

 

I’m trying to develop myself more everyday, I’m trying to steer away from bad vices in my life, including negative influences such as friends and bad habits. I usually end up drinking and going out on the weekends with friends, but these days I am finding that counter productive so am trying to give up alcohol for this month as an experiment (day 7 currently). I’m going to cut down my internet use as well, too much time spent on useless activities, browsing and facebook which is counterproductive towards areas I want to develop further, also makes me more susceptible towards fapping. I’m trying to be more aware of my ego and not identify with it as much, though this is easier said than done.

 

This journal will hold me more accountable for my actions and hopefully I will be able to self assess myself and gain a lot more clarity in terms of where I am going right or wrong with the actions I take and it would be great at the same time to get some feedback from this community. 

 

I’m going to aim to write in this journal at least once a week, to document and progress thoughts, insights and anything relevant that I would like to reference on this journey and for anyone else that would care to follow.

 

I really want to be living to my full and truest potential, whatever that takes and I need to take serious responsibility for that to happen. I know that through this, my goals will change as my priorities shift. This journal is my commitment towards making big changes in my life and holding myself accountable for the actions I take. I know I will grow significantly from this experience and I look forward to it and sharing it with yourselves.

 

[GOC88]

Day 1:

 

Day one of my actualisation journal log. A journey of a thousand miles beings with a single step as the Chinese philosopher Laozi once said.

I meditated this morning, my head is lost in thought and only managed 15 minutes this before I got late for work but will try and accommodate more time for it tomorrow.

I aim to listen to at least one actualized podcast on the way to work these days. Today I listened about how to cure perfection today which is an interesting one. What Leo mentions about accepting things as they are and following the path of mastery rather than perfection is definitely food for thought. This includes accepting people, circumstances and other things that I don’t really have control of. Its something I am going to put into practice, because at times I do wait for perfection, whether that be the perfect time to talk to a girl, (next thing you know shes gone!) or waiting to get everything just right with a project before you ever execute and then you never end up doing it.

I will be committing to what Leo mentions in reference to the no criticism  challenge for the next 30 days also from the podcast. This involves having a rubber band around your wrist and snapping this is you are thinking a critical thought and tell yourself the following “when I criticise I rob myself of my future”. I think this will be an interesting challenge which will hopefully make me more aware of any critical thinking and maybe eventually get rid of this mentality.

Edited August 3, 2016 by GOC88

[GOC88]

Day 2

Has been alright, I meditated for 20 minutes this morning and felt in a great headspace for most of the morning and afternoon, I guess its sustaining those moments of clarity which can be quite challenging. Overall though it’s the kind of mind state I want to develop further.

On the way to work I listened to Leos podcast on How To Be more funny. I think this gave some great and practical insight into utilising humour a lot more in your everyday interactions, and how it helps make the world a better place. Id like to think I’m quite a funny guy, at parties and in making other people laugh but also at times I think I take things too seriously so maybe utilising humour would be great. I remember Leo saying, see the funny side of every scenario, or something along those lines and that is something I am going to work with.

In terms of the 30 day no complaints challenge, I would say I found myself complaining 4-5 times, I’ve still got marks on my wrist from where I snapped back the rubber band! Id say it is fairly effective at making yourself more conscious of complaining, and I found myself stopping myself complaining when talking mid sentence to a colleague when I was about to complain so I think it is working!

Other than that I went to the gym and worked out well. I have bought some supplements also to help with my hydration and other areas, specifically vitamin B, D, Magnesium, Electrolytes which are supposed to help with body and mind, so I will try these and see how that goes.

Edited August 3, 2016 by GOC88

[GOC88]

Day 3:

 

Today has been challenging overall. I’ve got this headache as well which Ive been trying to shake with ibuprofen and hydrating with water but can seem to get rid of it. Been doing some research and suspect it may be a tension headache so going to hopefully get a proper nights rest and recover from it.

My job at the office has been challenging, I had an instance of my getting called out for something that was not my fault by my manager calling me out for it and the person responsible actually apologising to me. These things get me out of frame in the scheme of things when they really shouldn’t do either. Its another reason why I want to work for myself, dictate my own circumstances and be responsible for the things that matter on my own terms.

Tried to meditate this morning but found it quite difficult, my head was all over the place to find that calmness in mind. I treid to listen to the podcast on how the mind distorts reality but found the information hard to digest, I think my mind has been elsewhere today, maybe distracted overall.

I have also been counting calories (BMI) working out the intake I need to get to the shape I would like to be. I find myself at times procrastinating too much in other areas or not sticking to deadlines, Im not too sure, but I want to address this so I know I am utilising my time the best way possible.

A bit of a struggle overall with things today. But its fine, its all a learning process. Onwards and upwards.

Edited August 3, 2016 by GOC88

[GOC88]

DAY 4:

 

Overall today has been ok. Got a good nights rest and my head feels a lot better, I put it down to tension potentially. Tried to meditate this morning but out of any real time. Way too much into my head. 

Other than that work is ok, quite tedious when it’s quiet however. I can’t wait to be my own boss and determine my own reality

Worked out in the gym on my back and shoulders which felt great and can see some real growth.

In terms of the 30 day challenge I are getting there. Still catching myself complaining at times and when I do snapping back that band. Slowly I think the message is getting across!

Ive been a lot more conscious of my time and avoiding the need to procrastinate simply by being conscious of what I am accomplishing within a given timeframe such as in an hour. It does make it a lot more likely that you are able to get more done and hit your targets.

Other than this. I’m ok for now, complacent, but still hungry for growth.

 

Edited August 3, 2016 by GOC88

[GOC88]

Day 5 - 7

These past few days have been a true journey towards my self actualisation journey and personal goals. I attended a programme called Superpower by entrepreneur and speaker Eric Ho, who’s big on the spiritual side as well as speaking from a place of real sincerity.

There is so much to take from these three days that it’s hard to summarise but below area some really condensed topics which I found interesting:

The 33% rule:

Spend 33% of your time with people at a similar level to yourself. Spend another 33% with people with results you are look in for and learn from them. Spend another 33% with individuals not quite at your level whom you can contribute towards/teach.

Fear

Fear does not go away. Feel the fear and do it anywhere. A lot of fears come from social conditioning. Anything you fear comes from what someone else has feared.

Money Jar Analogy

 Say you are earning £1000 a month. 50% of this should go to your standard living expenses. 10% should go to savings. 10% towards investment (making money) 10% towards play (enjoying life), 10% towards education (growth) 10 Giving (giving is receiving/karma).

Sales and Business

“Sales is everything”. Selling is serving. Selling is the transition to giving. Business is just exchanging value for money. Business is only about solution. All about finding a solution to a problem. Always be solution focused.

Meditation

 Meditation is nothingness – it is purely witnessing

Purpose:

“What’s the purpose there is no purpose. The purpose is being”

He repeated the phrase ‘You don’t know what you don’t know’ and it is so true when you start seeing things from different viewpoints and perspectives.

Over the three days I found some fantastic networking opportunity  with individuals involved in property and other interesting industries which I intend to meet in the near future. I have developed a lot more self acceptance of myself and of circumstances. ‘Let go, its ok. It will all be fine’. Eric mentions when you have a little voice disagreeing with something simply observe it and say "thankyou for sharing". The importance of flow was emphasised as well, be like water. ‘Master the form and flow with the formless’ was one of the key messages also. There had been a lot to take from the 3 days and haven’t really been to events like as these but see tremendous value in them and will look into attending things similar. 

I hope these 3 days are notnot something that I am left buzzing from just the weekend, but I am able to translate for the near future and maintain in my self actualisation journey as well as towards goals. It has been a strong foot in the right direction as well as meeting like minded individuals on the way.

 

Edited August 3, 2016 by GOC88

[GOC88]

Day 8 

Today, I am using the principle of unconditional love which Eric mentioned in his seminars. To be coming from a place and giving unconditional love to those around you. In general I found people generally react better when you are coming from this mindset and positive energy. Though it can be hard to practice when trying to project this to people you don't get along with or dislike, but i guess thats the point. I am also finding myself to be a lot less reactive when I am in a more accepting and flow mental state. I am far from perfect at flow but again it’s a step in the right direction.

Apart from work I continue to work on my property goals. Today I am identifying what I would like to achieve in the next 12 and 24 months. I am going to take my first proper action step this weekend and approach at least 15 estate agents around my area to create some strong business relationships to create opportunities for sourcing particular deals i am looking to invest within. 

I am concerned at times with my time management skills and and organisation. There is a lot I want to do and accomplish and in the past that I have stretched myself thin by cramming too much in a day. Going forward I will be giving laser like focus to a few areas and work on these daily. 

[GOC88]

Day 9 

Today has been all right, although I am missing out on meditation which needs to be worked on and made into a habitual habit.

Again practicing the idea of unconditional love towards my actions and people that I interact with. With the 30 day challenge I forgot to put on my rubber band but even before thinking a critical thought I found myself already challenging it, which is interesting

In regards to my real estate objectives, I have been investigating potential ways to finance these, mortgages etc..

Have taken the time today to add journal entries to this account which had been approved a few days ago and review what I have gone through this week. Already I am noticing great leaps in my mentality and actions. If this is what I can achieve in a week, who knows what can be done in a month or even a years time in terms of progress.

[GOC88]

Day 10:

 

Today had started real good overall. I came from a positive perspective with most things, I listened to Leos podcast on meditation for beginners. Its really placed the need to make meditation a consistent habit for at least 20 minutes. Being fine with the fact that you may suck for the 1st year but the need to still be consistent with this, from tomorrow without fail I will be aiming to do at least 20 minutes a day. There really is no excuse, I will find at least 20 minutes a day to meditate. Leo mentions its one of the most important aspects to self improvement, so I will treat it as such.

I really have tried to continue maintaining a positive mind state where possible and feeling present at times. Further to the day work was fairly quiet, which makes for more of a boring day. I got accused by of being called stingy by one of my co-workers, although I really feel I am not in terms of the time, energy and generosity I aim to give most people in life. Ive found myself taking this quite personally and to heart when I know it shouldn't really effect me, although I know its probably just the ego, its got me on a bit of a downer which Im trying not to really. Other than that faced some business issues not relating to work but trying to help solve for the family, which didn't help. Its been a challenging day overall I feel.

I watched a video on a youtube channel called success insider whom interviewed the speaker who I saw on the weekend Eric Ho. Some things I took away from that interview is not to have expectations and just to be kind as well. One of the things he mentioned he would tell his 20 year old self is get rid of the ego. All valuable food for thought.

Anyways, all of these events I know manifested themselves for a reason. I hope to grow stronger as a result and keep moving forward.

[GOC88]

Day 11:

 

Calmer today after a good nights rest. Overall I still am in a loving and accepting state. I don’t feel that I judge as much and Im a lot more conscious of what thoughts I am projecting. I tried to meditate for 15 minutes this morning but most of that my mind felt occupied.

I feel a lot more aware of my surroundings and am focusing a lot more on breath. Today marks 3 weeks of not drinking which is pretty impressive. I don’t usually drink on weekdays but usually get messy with friends on a weekend. But this lower state of consciousness doesn’t really appeal to me as much, especially with the focus I have been able to give to other areas of my life including this. 

I am staying true to not fapping though I do find myself peeking at webcams. I think this is to stress, I don’t actually end up fapping but it is comforting to look at, but this is not going to do any favours.

Spent this evening, working out with personal trainer in the gym on back and shoulders, which is killer but awesome. Going to have an early night. Tomorrow I’ve got some meetings planned with estate agents to find some property deals to capitalise on.

Edited August 6, 2016 by GOC88

[GOC88]

Day 12

Fairly good day, started off with a chest session at the gym, which is going well. I went on to my property investment meet up today which was very good. Met some fantastic people and obtained a wealth of knowledge within this area I want to specialise in. Even the last few hours were spent in the pub I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol either.

 

I felt in a good state overall today. I feel a lot more present to the moment, appreciating the little things around me, which is good. I felt more in flow with people, genuinely giving them the time and opportunity to speak when conversing and I feel a lot less internal dialogue and more clarity. I’m on the right path with things for now I feel but still a long journey ahead.

[GOC88]

Day 14

Forgot to write an entry in yesterday, but today has been ok. Again trying to focus on being present where possible, focusing on breath observations of thoughts and how things in my environment make me feel. I am trying guided meditation with the Headspace app, as well but again alot of noise in my head and distracted easily at the moment. Had woke up slightly groggy and negative I feel which did have an impact within the day but overall still trying to be positive where possible. 

In terms of what I have managed to achieve today, I went on a viewing for a potential property deal which will hopefully be one of many. I went to the gym and worked on my chest and shoulders and managed to read for an hour. I want to work on my time management skills however, I know things are leaching my time like Facebook and Reddit when time could be better invested in other areas and my productivity boosted. 

[GOC88]

Day 15 

Not a bad day overall. Started the day trying the guided meditation with the app which is ok so far, but again I still feel a lot of distraction, but this is an ongoing process. Im also still working on the meanings that I attach to things around me, trying to be self observant and positive where possible. 

My personal trainer is going to be moving to another gym, so I need to find a new one soon which is a shame but guess it wasn't meant to be. I continue to work on my financial goals after work. This included looking at the figures and doing different calculations on a property I saw yesterday as well as getting feedback for another project from my mentor. I have also signed up for a free NLP weekend next week which was recommended to me as a friend, to gain further insight into this subject. 

Overall I am still contempt with things as they are, I need to continue working on removing distractions such as Facebook which still do take valuable time from myself. I also want to continue to monitor any self talk, which sometimes can be self-defeating but simply being conscious of it these days, make me challenge any negative self-chat that comes up. I also use the rubberband if there are any negative thoughts but havnt had to snap it for awhile which must be a good thing. Nofap going ok as well, nearly up 10 days.

[GOC88]

Day 16

Ok day, not too much to mention really, felt a big lethargic through the day, bit of a headache but still all good. Went to a new gym to try out as my personal trainer is having to re-locate, but its going to be way to far to be a practical thing to continue with. I listened to one of Leos podcasts today which tells the difference between people within the noobie, intermediate and advanced stages. After his assessment I can safely say Im in the noobie stage at the moment! lol. What Leo mentions about having good habits locked down including good food eating habits and excersizing i have and I am continuing to work on other habits such as meditation and self awareness alot more. He also mentions how the noobie is in it for just the results or 'quick fix' at times. At times I feel that the reason why I took action was for these, but nowadays I am learning more about being rather than doing. going with the flow and enjoying the processes alot more, which is what Im trying to give conscious focus towards more and more. 

[GOC88]

Long while since I have written in this! Wanted to space some time to see if it would make any difference. I continue to work upon the different areas of my life.

Physically I am continually working towards my work out goals, tracking the calories I eat daily, aiming for around 2500, which is going fairly well. Taking a lot more supplements like natural multivits and cod liver oils and being more consistent with my gym routine which has been going will, I am noticing subtle differences in physique and getting stronger.

 

I have been using my weekends productively to go on courses that develop myself further and meeting some great people also i went to a programme called Natural Success which talked about  about unleashing your genius. It mentioned about how until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life. They referred to the genius part as the superconcious and a range of concepts to do towards developing this . I want to find out more about this and will be taking a 3 day course with them in a few weeks where I will share any insights that i feel are useful in further depth. Last week I also attended an NLP (Nuero Linguistic Programming) course to refine my communication skills further which was recommended to me by my friend which was also interesting and  is something I will look into developing further.

 

I continue to work on meditation, I have been using the headspace app for guided meditation for 10 minutes before I go to work daily which has been good, but too early to assess results as of yet. Im working on my own personal goals within real estate, more recently I am spending at least one hour on this goal daily to explore and take action on ideas. 

 

I have also  continued not to drink any alcohol  or touch any other vices pretty much which has been amazing. Having a clear head on weekends and more focus is so great. Though I am planning on going out this weekend and having a few as it is a bank holiday here. I also continue my no fap challenge and believe I am a month with that also.

 

Things are going well for the time being, trying to keep momentum going on everything is the challenge, but for now things are going well and I hope to keep on improving on this journey! 

 

[GOC88]

 

Things have been going so so today. I broke my spell of drinking this weekend as it was a bank holiday here in the UK and completed my aim f not drinking for the past 37 days which is a week more than my intended target. The drinking part was fun with friends, although I know its a place coming from a lower consciousness. It has however left me feeling drained in the coming days, though I drank a fair bit but didnt go overboard with it. Makes me realise how overrated drinking really is and I will be more aware of how much i drink when i am out. I also succumed to the nofap challenge, over the weekend so starting from day 1 on that.

I am continuing to work on real estate projects with my parents and being more pro-active is assisting with other areas. I am also planning my days to revolve around at least 3  major tasks I want to get done each day, starting from today. Out of the 3 today however I think I hit only 1/2 of one! So theres going to be room for improvement here. I know if I can focus on doing at least 3 tasks effectively, the action steps are going to compound towards the bigger picture. 

I Continue to go to the gym and work on different muscle groups and continue to monitor my nutrition so that is going well. 

Missed meditation from getting up late today so going to ensure that gets done without fail tomorrow. 

I listened to the podcast on 'The Paradox Of Developing Self Trust' some pointers that I took from this include the importance of having trust in your higher self and intuition. That is something I have been focusing on today, and I feel that it does help and makes me less egotistical. Its something I am going to continue to give me focus towards, because it feels like its coming from a good place with the right intentions and something I definitely would want to cultivate more. I'm also continuously focusing on the idea of unconditional love, loving others without there being a result/reason, whoever the individual concerned maybe. Again this is something that comes from the higher self and something I continue to bare in mind especially in my interactions with others whomever they may be.