Losing a connection with friends

[Don Wei]

Hi everybody, I used to have so called friends a couple of years ago, who talked behind my back and didn't respect me at all. They were fake friends so I stopped talking to them and started focusing more on my self improvement. Then I met some people I really liked and I saw them as my true best friends, but they were holding me back so much. They never thought about their future and always talked negative about themself and even me when I tried to improve myself more and I wanted to become succesful together with them because there wasn't anyone else I knew who wanted to do what I want to do. They eventually started dragging me more down and I eventually decided it would be better to not talk to them that often anymore. Then I found some friends who I could get along really well and also wanted to improve themselves. That made me feel better because now I could finally become better together with other people. These were 3 people. The guy I hang out most only had one strange problem... Every time I achieve something he just shrugs it off like its nothing and then tries to change the topic to something random. For example when I finally got my first girlfriend:

Me: You know the girl i've been talking to ?

Him: yeah

Me: I'm in a relationship with her now

Him: oh... Hey did you see (person) do (something) ?

Thats kinda how it would go, then I heard like 5 different people tell me he told them that he must also have a girlfriend just because I had one. That threw me off a little because he never told me that. And I said before he was also into self improvement and thats true but I found out he and a lot of other people that do self improvement are only into the more shallow part of self improvement. When I send him a video about money or women he always watches but when I send him something deeper he almost never watches it or pretends he watched it. I for example can't really send him any leo videos because they are too deep. I don't know about you guys but I prefer it when people are just honest. I also asked why he didn't just tell me but he doesn't give clear answers. This does irritate me a little especially since its someone I normally do get along with greatly. The two other friends just so happen to also watch leo's video but they don't just casually lie like that or keep secrets from me while telling them to other people. For example I will move to another country and go to college there. He will do the same thing but he never told me he wasn't going this year anymore but next year. I heard it from someone else who we both know. To me that feels pretty fucked up. Just a couple of minutes ago we talked and I did not feel a connection this time, he was talking about a random youtube video he saw with some kind of big explosion. And a couple of other things. I'm not gonna lie I did not feel comfortable because it sounded pretty childish to me. He often talks about things in the past and things about other people. I also think I am doing something wrong, I don't know what but there has to be something wrong with my mindset or something unless losing friends is normal in self improvement. But I can't see whether i'm doing something wrong or if he is really untrustworthy or if maybe i'm too paranoid. Thats why i'm asking you guys this, I really think there's something on with me i'm not aware of or with him. These last couple of weeks are very strange. I have lost so much patience for so many things. I am starting to see limiting beliefs, ideologies, ignorant mindsets, victim mindsets, people trying to argue spirituality and god are bullshit and people fighting over nothing all around me ! Its just insane. What the hell is wrong with me right now ? I meditate and I still don't have peace of mind right now. Sorry for posting such a long text, but I really needed to get this of my chest. 

[supremeyingyang]

43 minutes ago, Don Wei said:

Hi everybody, I used to have so called friends a couple of years ago, who talked behind my back and didn't respect me at all. They were fake friends so I stopped talking to them and started focusing more on my self improvement. Then I met some people I really liked and I saw them as my true best friends, but they were holding me back so much. They never thought about their future and always talked negative about themself and even me when I tried to improve myself more and I wanted to become succesful together with them because there wasn't anyone else I knew who wanted to do what I want to do.

 Been there.

43 minutes ago, Don Wei said:

These were 3 people. The guy I hang out most only had one strange problem... Every time I achieve something he just shrugs it off like its nothing and then tries to change the topic to something random.

Could be these case that they like you for who you are not not want you to grow? Maybe he needs to achieve that so said shallow success with girls before

43 minutes ago, Don Wei said:

The two other friends just so happen to also watch leo's video but they don't just casually lie like that or keep secrets from me while telling them to other people. For example I will move to another country and go to college there. He will do the same thing but he never told me he wasn't going this year anymore but next year.

Maybe he is not aware.. don't expect them to be bad if unaware is also a possible answer.. at the end you can't read peoples minds

43 minutes ago, Don Wei said:

These last couple of weeks are very strange. I have lost so much patience for so many things. I am starting to see limiting beliefs, ideologies, ignorant mindsets, victim mindsets, people trying to argue spirituality and god are bullshit and people fighting over nothing all around me ! Its just insane. What the hell is wrong with me right now ? I meditate and I still don't have peace of mind right now.

Hmm don't be so hard on yourself and others, let the time go by so to speak. As you mature things will grow more sane if you attempt to be a gardener of you future

43 minutes ago, Don Wei said:

Sorry for posting such a long text, but I really needed to get this of my chest. 

If you make paragraphs, which take 30 Seconds, everything reads much smoother

Edited July 29, 2020 by supremeyingyang

[Don Wei]

@supremeyingyang yeah I probably dp have to calm down a bit, this is a pretty stressful time right now, I think I worked pretty bad in physics druing the exam and the people from the university at least expect me to get a 7 so if I don't I'll have spend all my time next year studying physics and math in a different country with no friends at all in order to try to get accepted into the university there again. So yeah I'll see what will happen next month and how everything will play out thanks ??

41 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

 Been there.

Could be these case that they like you for who you are not not want you to grow? Maybe he needs to achieve that so said shallow success with girls before

Maybe he is not aware.. don't expect them to be bad if unaware is also a possible answer.. at the end you can't read peoples minds

Hmm don't be so hard on yourself and others, let the time go by so to speak. As you mature things will grow more sane if you attempt to be a gardener of you future

If you make paragraphs, which take 30 Seconds, everything reads much smoother

 

[supremeyingyang]

@Don Wei

Sounds great to me! Is a 7 challenging? We have Marks from 1 to 6 where 1 is the best and 6 the worst

[Arcangelo]

7 hours ago, Don Wei said:

losing friends is normal in self improvement.

Yes.

[DreamScape]

If you can't talk and communicate with them and deal with your issues, and you keep being pulled down by negativity, let them go. You have your success to focus on.

[Don Wei]

@supremeyingyang we have marks from 1 to 10. A 6 is just enough to get by. Anything below 6 is bad. And during the final class of high school you get three physics test per semester, some other subjects have more. And they add all three numbers together and divide them with three.

That's your average score and the university I want to go to is in the Netherlands called TUdelft. They want my average score to be at least 7 but somehow I did bad with all my physics tests this year. And I studied it during the entire corona period. But this particular exam was a lot more difficult than other years.

I'm not going to blame circumstances I have to take responsibility for this. I always used to get amazing grades but a couple of years ago it stopped and I really started believing I was dumb untill I found videos about victim mentality from people like dr joe dispenza, leo and others and how they got succesfull through all their disadvantages.

[supremeyingyang]

@Don Wei

It's makeable. How much time is left to get this 7?

[Kross]

22 hours ago, Don Wei said:

For example when I finally got my first girlfriend:

Me: You know the girl i've been talking to ?

Him: yeah

Me: I'm in a relationship with her now

Him: oh... Hey did you see (person) do (something) ?

 

@Don Wei  I'm guilty of the same thing as your friend. I'm currently doing these sorts of things to a good friend of mine. Let me tell you the reasons, and then you can analyze if they are relevant in your case. Might provide insights from your friend's point of view.

• My friend achieves a LOT. Effortlessly. And I'm just jelous. Nothing more, nothing less : just jelous. I really want to feel happy for him, like I know he would feel for me if I started achieving, but I'm unable to at the level I'm at right now. Maybe its because I'm at the fucking rock bottom, and he's killing it in the material world. He's also a chick magnet.
• He talks about himself a LOT. He got a fairly big ego and keeps mentioning many irrelevant things about him. Like I care. I know the details about all his friends who I don't care about at all. It was fine when our friendship began, but after sometime it just got unbearable.
• Like your friend, he's somewhat interested in the metaphysical stuff, but at the end of the day he doesn't really care and I get sad about it. You and me both know what he's missing out on.

But that is all. Other than these, he's one of the best friends I've ever had and in general is a high quality human being, plus super helpful. We both have learnt a LOT from each other and will keep learning in the future. I don't do things like talking behind someone, neither does he.

Edited July 30, 2020 by Kross

[Tarzan]

@Don Wei You're needy, so are your friends. I suppose when you tell them of your successes maybe it triggers them as they might not have held themselves up when they wanted to achieve something. You trigger the shadow of your friends in other words. Just as they trigger your shadow when they don't strive for successes or you feel their victim mentality. You're not triggered by your friends per se, but what they make you see in yourself. You hate the the victim in yourself, even though you victimize yourself, so it becomes an unconscious part of you that you see only when it is triggered by outer circumstances.

You're stuck in a circle of judgement and neediness. You project negativity into others because you feel negative. So do others. Solution is to become mindful of how your friends or whatever person trigger you, notice that it is not they that trigger you but you yourself triggering yourself. You can also do shadow work even though I don't know any specific ways for you to do so, I suppose being mindful of both negative and positive emotions within you.

When you view others non-judgementally, not being triggered by their weaknesses (what you perceive as weaknesses), you becomne light, playful, and accepting of others. You don't take yourself overly seriously and people love to be around people like that.

Mindfulness meditation to build the skill to 'note' whenever you become emotional or triggered.

Accepting, letting your negativities be, not shutting them down or they will act in you unconsciously. Letting them go - they don't need to be there, you don't need to cling onto them.

Love yourself and understand your misgivings, and love and understand why others behave the way they do.

This video might apply to you.

 

[Tarzan]

It's amazing when you develop the skill to uncover your own negative (and positive) projections onto others. Lol including me giving advice, maybe I should take my own advice more-so than I give it. Taking-and-giving mb need to be balanced. I'm just thinking aloud here no need to reply to this xD.

[Don Wei]

@supremeyingyang @supremeyingyang I already had my final physics exam and it went really bad, if i'm lucky I'll get a 6 but probably not. I need an 8,9 because my last two grades in physics also happened to suck. My only change now is to ask for a second chance exam. Normally this would not be possible before corona.

[supremeyingyang]

@Don Wei

well this sucks, but take your chances. corona or whatever you can use to get a second chance. if your through this, it becomes easier

[Harmony342]

You'll find loads of people like that, you just gotta make your way through life and keep in touch with the ones that are worth it man

[BjarkeT]

Hmm maybe just try to judge less and lower your expectations.